PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 254: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 6
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 254: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 6
Continuing our discussion about etiquette, which is often missing in our society today. It's not being passed on to the next generation. Today, we discuss what to do and how to act when we are asked to other people's homes.
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! We’re back again, talking about transmitting God’s ways to the next generation. We’re talking about the table.
Here’s a question for you. How do you eat at your table? With a knife and fork. Or with a fork? Well, of course, I’m talking to people all over the world. You have your different ways. Those who are of English descent, like I am, you will, of course, be eating with a knife and fork. Most Americans these days have discarded the knife. They only eat with a fork.
But we’d better look into this a little more, shall we? Since coming to America, Colin and I have been here for over 30 years now, I have to confess that I have discarded some of my English ways. I will invariably eat with a fork. I find that it is most relaxing.
Not Colin! He sits there with his knife and his fork, his fork turned with the prongs downwards, even putting his peas on the top of the fork like you are meant to do for proper etiquette. I couldn’t even do that when I lived in New Zealand! It was impossible! But anyway, he still does that.
I noticed these days, that most Americans just put a fork out when they’re setting the table. However, if you look at etiquette, you can go anywhere online, or in any etiquette book, even Americans should still have a knife and fork. Remember, the knife goes on the right-hand side, the fork on the left.
Why should Americans still have a knife? Because, if you have meat on your plate, you are meant to cut it with the knife. So, you hold the fork in your left hand, and you cut it into pieces with your knife. Then, it’s very American, you put your knife down. Then again, put your fork in your right hand, and start enjoying eating your meal with your fork, because that’s how Americans love to do it. And I also do.
But you are still really, for proper etiquette, required to put a knife, because it is etiquette to cut your meat, not try to cut it with a fork and it’s slipping all over the place. No, that’s not how it’s meant to be done. So, lovely ladies, I’m bringing you back to how things are meant to be, even American.
You can think, “Oh, no, I have to get a knife out as well.” But these are only little things. They don’t take much extra work. You are passing on what is right to the next generation when they have their family. Otherwise, it’s completely lost. It’s just about lost in our society today, except if you go a restaurant. If you go to a restaurant, you see how a table is to be set. They still set the table properly in restaurants.
Now, at home, you usually have a simpler meal, so you only need the knife and fork. But if you’re having more than one course, you’ll have more utensils. If you’re going to do that, you have to set the table with the utensil that you’re going to eat first. That is on the outer edge. Then the next utensil for the next meal that you will eat, and so on, right down into the middle. That’s the way you do it, ladies.
Oh, and of course, you teach your children never to lick their knife. Oh, it’s so easy for children to do that, isn’t it? That’s why I still keep my English tradition of having a butter plate with a butter knife.
I have people come into my home, and they don’t even know what a butter knife is! A butter knife is a little knife you have just for the butter. You take a piece of butter off the butter plate, and then put it on your plate. You’re not using your knife that you have used to go into the butter because we want to keep it clean and free of germs.
Oh, my brother nearly missed out on his beautiful bride because he licked his knife! When it was time to meet his bride’s parents, he went to their place. They were people who do everything just right. While he was eating, he licked his knife! Goodness me! I thought my parents had taught him better than that!
Well, afterwards, the parents came to my sister-in-law, Judy, and they said, “Well, I don’t think we want that sword-swallower for a son-in-law!” They weren’t very happy with him at all because he didn’t know manners. I often tell my grandsons that story so that they can be ready when they go off to their in-laws’ places, and meeting them for the first time, they will know how to behave!
That’s another thing about knives and forks. When you come to the end of the meal, and you can see this in any etiquette book, you don’t just leave your knife and fork, even your fork, just lying anywhere on the plate. No, when you have finished your meal, you put your knife and fork together and put it straight up and down in a six-o’clock position.
Or you can leave it diagonally to a five-o’clock position, but still keeping it together. That shows your hostess that you have finished a meal, and you are satisfied. If you leave your fork and knife open, that means, “I want more,” and you’re waiting for them to pass you more food. That’s a very important thing to know too.
What about napkins? Well, mainly at home we just use disposable napkins. I guess you do. I do, here at home. When I have visitors, I like to use cloth napkins because it’s more formal. There are etiquette rules for cloth napkins. When you set the table, they are to be set on the left-hand side of the plate.
When everyone comes to sit at the table, they pick up their napkin, and they lay it on their lap. That is the first thing you do when you come to the table. You can’t really do that with your disposable things, the little flimsy things. I don’t think there are any rules for disposable ones. But for the cloth napkins, this is what you’re meant to do.
Now, if you have to get up to go the bathroom during the meal, you can put your napkin, which is on your lap, you can put it on the left of your plate, or on your chair, either. When you have finished your meal, you will then once again put it on the left of your plate.
Then there are some other little rules. Don’t ever tuck your napkin into your collar, like a bib. That’s for the men. Don’t tuck it into your bodice. It’s to always be on your lap, except when you pick it up to wipe your mouth, or dab your mouth, as you are eating and drinking throughout the meal.
OK, ladies, that was just a few things of table etiquette. I have a package of etiquette posters. I have seven posters in each packet. You can go to www.AboveRubies.org, and you can get them. I have a whole page on table etiquette. Then I have lots of others. I have church etiquette. Yes, we need to know how we’re to act in church. We have speech etiquette. I have workforce etiquette. Young people need to know proper etiquette when they’re going out to get jobs.
Home etiquette. Daily life etiquette. And receiving hospitality etiquette. I think today we’ll look at a few of those. But we have all these available. They’re all colored, with artwork. You can get them. You can laminate them. You can use them as placemats at the table, or you can pin them on your wall, in your toilet. When your children are just staring at space, they might as well be learning etiquette. You will find them a good idea.
Just a few little etiquette tips when receiving hospitality, when you are asked to go to someone else’s home. Some of you may say, “Well, I don’t think I’ve even been asked to someone else’s home. Well, that is very sad, because in the body of Christ, we are meant to be a hospitable people. We are meant to be eating together in one another’s homes. That’s what the Bible tells us.
Let me go to my Bible right now. We need to be reminded. We’ve got so far away from the beginning of Christianity which is meant to be the lifestyle of Christianity for us today. In Acts chapter two, this is what they did. Acts 2:41-42: “Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine.” They were hanging onto all the teaching that they could possibly get.
“And fellowship.” Fellowship, of course, means getting together, usually over a meal. “And in breaking of bread.” That’s not just talking about communion. Breaking bread with one another is hospitality. “And prayers.”
Then we go down to verses 46 and 47. It’s repeated. “And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house.” That’s hospitality! “Did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.” Remember? They were daily meeting together, and fellowshipping with one another. God blessed them by daily adding to the church.
So, perhaps nobody’s ever asked you. You could ask somebody! You can maybe just ask a lonely widow. Just one person to add to your table. Maybe you could ask a single mom with her child. Or maybe you’d like to ask a family with children the same ages as your children. The children will have wonderful friendships as you learn to have fellowship with the couple. It’s such a beautiful thing.
BE ON TIME
If you are asked to a meal, be punctual. We should always be punctual to parties, weddings, social things that we’re invited to. And, of course, to a meal in a home. But there is a little exception. When you’re going to someone’s home for a meal, you can have a little grace of, maybe, maybe five minutes late, but no more than ten minutes, because, and I know what this is like, when you’re inviting people, there’s so much to do.
You’re getting the meal ready. You’re trying to get everything beautiful at the last minute. There are still things to do! Oh, you’re hoping! Sometimes I’ve thought, “Oh, I hope they don’t come on time, because I’m not quite ready!” Another five or so minutes gives the hostess that little time. You can think about that.
SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION
When you come you thank them for inviting you. You don’t just, oh, walk in the door. No, say, “Oh, thank you so much for inviting us! We’re so blessed to come. Thank you!” On the other hand, if you are the one giving hospitality, you have to have that same attitude, so that when people come, you make them feel welcome. You’ll say, “Oh, thank you for coming! We’re so glad that you came! What a blessing it is to have you in our home.”
MAKE YOUR GUESTS WELCOME
We do need to say these things, ladies, because a lot of people are not used to hospitality. They don’t feel very confident. They’ve never been to your home before. They need assurance. So, thank them for coming. Show them where to sit. Perhaps if you’ve got a little more to do before you sit at the table. When it's time to sit at the table, then show them to their seats.
Don’t just, “Well, sit anywhere!” You still don’t know where to sit! People have to be told, and it makes them feel more welcome. When I have time, I love to make name cards for my visitors. Sometimes I’ll not only put their name, but write a little couplet or a little line under their name, saying something about them that can encourage them. Then they can go to their name place.
If you haven’t written name places, then you will show them where each one will sit, so they don’t feel all crazy and not know what to do. That is so important. In fact, we even see in the Bible, isn’t it wonderful, ladies, oh, the Bible does not leave one thing out. Even in hospitality it shows us what to do. We have a number of points.
No. 1: We should receive our guests as if they were Jesus Himself.
Wow! Matthew 10:40: “He that receives you receives Me, and he that receives Me receives Him that sent Me.”
Matthew 25:40: “Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these, my brethren, you have done it unto Me.”
Acts 28:30: “And Paul dwelt two whole years in his own hired house, and received all that came in unto him.”
Galatians 4:14: (this is talking about Paul) “You received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.” What a beautiful way to receive our guests! Amen?
That word, “received” in the Greek is a word that means, what a lovely meaning. The word is dechomai. It means “to welcome, to embrace heartily, reaching out eagerly to receive, looking for, waiting with earnest expectation.” You can’t wait for your guests to arrive and sit around your table to bless them! That’s what you’re doing.
Hospitality is not to impress people with how good you can cook. Maybe you’re a lousy cook! That doesn’t even matter. It’s inviting them to love them, and to bless them, to interact with them. That’s how it’s meant to be. In fact, that same word is used when we receive a child! Yes, Jesus wants us to receive the children He gives us with that same attitude.
No. 2: We should receive them with great joy.
In Philippians 2:29, Paul encouraged the Philippian saints to receive Epaphroditus “with all gladness.” Some translations say “with great joy.” One translation says: “Give him your most hearty welcome!”
No. 3: We should receive them in a manner worthy of saints.
Paul encouraged the Roman believers to care for Phoebe in this way. Romans 16:1-2: “That you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of saints, and that you assist her in whatever business she has need of you.” (The light’s pretty bad here. I can hardly see what I’m reading) “For indeed, she has been a helper of many, and of myself also.”
No. 4: We should receive them to the glory of God.
Romans 15:7: “Wherefore receive ye one another as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.”
No. 5: We should receive them in the Name of the Lord.
We see Abraham’s example. I’m going to read what happened when Abraham saw his guests. It says in Genesis 18:2: “He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them, and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground.
“My Lord,” he said, “if it pleases you, stop here for a while. Rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet. And since you’ve honored your servant with this visit, let me prepare some food to refresh you before you continue on your journey.” So, Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, “Hurry, get three large measures of your best flour. Knead it into dough and bake some bread.”
Then Abraham ran out to the herd and chose a tender calf, and gave it to his servant, who quickly prepared it. When the food was ready, Abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat, and he served it to the men. As they ate, Abraham waited on them in the shade of the tree.” You see such a beautiful welcoming there.
- What did he do first? He ran to meet them! So, when we see our guests coming, we should go toward them. Go out the door, and say, “Oh, come on in! So great to have you!” Don’t just wait to find their own way in. No.
- He made his guests feel welcome, by bowing to them. Well, we don’t do that today. But at least we can show them honor and that we’re so glad to have them.
- He made his guests feel welcome by making them comfortable. “Just sit here by the shade of the tree. Just rest yourselves while we go and prepare the meal.” He was thinking about their comfort.
- He made his guests feel welcome by the prospect of tantalizing food.
- He made his guests feel welcome by humbly serving them.
- He made his guests feel welcome by escorting them on their departure. We read further on how, when it was time for them to go, Abraham didn’t say, “Well, bye! Nice to see you!” No, he walked with them. He walked with them. That was actually the usual thing back in those days. You would walk with your guests. Maybe a mile! Yes.
Colin and I like to do that. People have cars today, so we don’t go out walking with them a mile. But we live upstairs, so when it’s time for our guests to go, we don’t say, “Oh, bye. Nice to have you.” No, we always walk down the stairs with them. We go out to their car. We wait until they’re all in the car and all the children are buckled up. Then we wait to wave them good-bye from our property, because that is etiquette. That is showing love to one another. That is showing hospitality that is worthy of the saints. Yes, isn’t it amazing, that it’s all in the Word?
TAKE A GIFT WITH YOU
When you come to someone’s place for a meal, take something with you. I have always trained my children, when they were invited out, don’t go empty-handed. Always take something. Take a bottle of drink. Take some food.
Maybe you’ve asked the hostess, “Is there anything I can bring?” And she says, “Oh, no, I’ve got it all under control.” Well, think of something else you can take. Maybe you can take a candle, or a beautiful card you’ve written, some flowers, a home-grown plant, or something like that. That is important.
If you are on a special diet, maybe you are a vegetarian. I was once, but no longer. But I was. In fact, for many years I was a vegetarian, and then, for some years, I was even a raw foodist. Well, we got through all that and we no longer do those things. We now eat all the food groups. But if you are doing something like that (by the way, those kinds of things are more temporary, they’re not things that you should do your whole life).
But tell your hostess so that she knows and can prepare something that is applicable for you. If you haven’t told her, well, you’ll just have to eat what is in front of you. You mustn’t tell her when you arrive. “Oh, I don’t eat that!” No, you must prepare her beforehand. That is only good manners, isn’t it?
DRESS APPROPRIATELY
We should also dress suitably for the occasion. I think it is important when you are invited to someone’s home for a meal that you dress nicely. I don’t think that you should come in shorts. I don’t even think you should come in jeans because they are casual wear. When you’re coming to someone’s home, you’re wanting to honor them. You’re wanting to honor their home.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO WEAR THE RIGHT CLOTHES FOR THE RIGHT OCCASION
I think that it’s time, ladies, that we learned, and we taught our children, how to dress appropriately for different occasions. Now, of course, when you go to the beach, you’re going to be wearing shorts. Out on the volleyball court, you’re going to be wearing your shorts. Out doing sports, you’re going to be wearing shorts, of course.
Only I hope they’re not too short. Today, some girls are wearing them that hardly cover their bottoms! Those aren’t shorts. Those are, what would you call those? Those are tempters to men, OK? But, of course, we wear shorts for certain occasions. OK, you’re going out riding horses, rock climbing, doing all these things, you wear your jeans. Dress appropriately for appropriate occasions. But when you come to someone’s home, honor them by wearing a nice dress, or something that is really lovely.
Often I have our granddaughters over for a meal, usually Shabbat meal. I love having them over for Shabbat. Often I’ll say to them, “OK, girls, dress up for tonight.” Sometimes they’ll come in nice clothes. But if I say, “dress up,” they’ll really dress up! They’ll come in beautiful evening gowns, which they actually got from Goodwill. They haven’t gone out and spent money buying them! But they have lots of wonderful evening gowns they found in all these different places, quite cheaply.
It’s so beautiful! Oh, for Colin and I to be surrounded around our table with these beautiful girls, and all in their lovely, beautiful dresses, wow! It really does elevate the table! It makes it so special.
I remember reading the book, Faith of Our Fathers, by John McCain. I’m sorry, I am not a fan of John McCain, who has now passed away. He was a RINO. For those who don’t live in America, a RINO is a Republican In Name Only. He was a liberal democrat.
But I did love his book. It was a book about his time in Vietnam, which was quite incredible. Then he spoke of his father, and his grandfather. They were great patriots of America. I loved reading about them.
But he did mention, in this book, how his father and mother would come to the evening meals, at suppertime every evening, his father would come in a tuxedo or a very good suit and bow tie. His mother would be in an evening gown. Can you believe it? Wow! They really elevated the table! It was a very important occasion to them, to gather the family every meal time. We don’t have to do that, of course. But just to wear something nice is important.
DRESS APPROPRIATELY TO MEET THE KING OF KINGS
That reminds me too. I think, thinking about church, just digressing from hospitality. Dear ladies, we have to teach our children to dress appropriately when they go to church. What are we doing? When we go to church, to meet with the people of God, we have fellowship with them.
But ultimately, we’re going to worship the Lord, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the God of all Gods. He is worthy to be worshipped and honored. I believe we should dress accordingly! There was a time when no one would think of going to church without dressing beautifully.
We used to have, way back in our day, it was called “our Sunday Best.” We didn’t have a lot of good clothes, but we had our Sunday Best. We wore the same thing every Sunday. But let’s just put some honor into our children, because I see young people coming to church, or even prayer meetings, in shorts! You wear those at the beach! You wear those when you are doing sports! Not when you’re going into the presence of the Lord!
Even jeans, those are more casual wear. We are not going dressed casually to church. We’re going appropriately. I think that is important. Appropriate for the occasion. Just do what is appropriate. 1 Timothy 2:9, that Scripture talks about dressing modestly. But other translations say . . . the New Living Translation says: “Wear decent and appropriate clothing.” Appropriate for whatever you’re going to!
We’re got to train our children. If we don’t train them, they’re going to be coming, and we’re going to end up, goodness me! Might as well go to the beach instead of going to church! The modern clothing, if you want to be hip, you want to be cool, you’ve got to wear tight jeans, or you’re going to wear tight pants. That’s what they’re all wearing. Oh, please, help me!
I know that’s the fashion, but I walk behind someone. . . The other day, I walked behind such a beautiful woman who loves God. You couldn’t get anyone who loves God more. But she had tight jeans on. She did it because that’s what everybody else does. I could see her bottom wobbling, and I could see every crease!
I walk behind young people, and I see every crease in their bottoms! They don’t know, because they can’t see! But they’re being such a temptation to men. If a man was walking behind them, he’s going to get a good look! It’s not right. It’s not what we wear to church. Let’s learn to dress appropriately. Amen? I think that’s so important.
MOTHERS, HOW ARE YOU SHAPING THE NEXT GENERATION?
We mothers, we’re the ones training our children. In fact, I realized something the other day. I realized that it’s mothers who are training this generation, and then the next in male clothing for their children. Because the moment their little children, even their toddlers can walk, they’re dressing them in jeans and pants. Then, as they get older, that’s what they buy from the shops. Rarely do you see a little girl in a dress, ever!
They’re just growing up. This is what you wear! This is what my mother gives me to wear. You see, everything comes back to us, as mothers! Dear mothers, we’re living in a transgender age. This jolly pants-wearing, we prepared the way for it. We blurred the sexes.
THE WAY YOU DRESS YOUR LITTLE CHILDREN IS THE WAY THEY’LL DRESS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES
If we have any heart for God’s plan of the distinction of male and female, we will want to make that distinction, and we’ll want to train our children in it, from little. Get them into the habit. Whatever you dress them in, that’s what they’re going to wear for the rest of their lives. We’ve got to think about these things, dear lovely ladies.
I think our time has gone again, hasn’t it? Wow! I’ve still got loads to share about etiquette, but we’ll do a few more sessions. Let’s pray.
“Thank You, dear Father, for showing us the way You want us to live. We wouldn’t have a clue if we didn’t read Your Word and see how You want us to be. I pray that You will bless these dear mothers, Lord. Help them as they train their children.
“Help us to see that we’re not only mothering for today. We are mothering for the next generation, and generations to come. We are generation-imparters. Oh, God, we, as mothers, are the ones who are responsible for what happens in the next generation. Help us to take this seriously, we pray. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.”
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
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Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
ETIQUETTE POSTERS
Seven Etiquette Posters to Bless Your Home! Pin them up all over your home to encourage better manners in your children. You can also laminate them and use them as place mats at the table.
Home Etiquette
Speech Etiquette
Table Etiquette
Daily Life Etiquette
Hospitality Etiquette
Church Etiquette
Work Force Etiquette
To order, go to: http://bit.ly/EtiquettePosters
Snippets:
I love these posters. Such great home school and disciplinary tools for parents to instill in their children. Each poster focuses on character qualities that are essential for children as they mature to being godly men and women for the Lord. A wonderful resource to purchase.
I like these posters. When I ordered them, I expected to receive something LARGER than what they are and that is fine with me. The posters are COLORFUL and just the right size to preserve in page protectors. In addition, they have timeless words we can learn from.