PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 253: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 5
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 253: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 5
Back to our series. Today we discuss etiquette at the table. What do your children know about etiquette? Do they know how to behave in other people's homes? Are your older children ready for the adult world?
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! And maybe some gentlemen! And, of course, lots of young people too, listening. Great to be with you as usual. I do hope I get through this podcast all right. I have a bit of a bad cough, so I hope I don’t cough! But here we go!
Back a few podcasts, I started a series called, “Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation.” We did four podcasts about that. I wonder if you got to hear them. Podcast 243 was about teaching our children to come to Jesus at an early age. I believe that is such a beautiful thing. If you didn’t get to hear it, I hope you can.
Podcasts 244 and 245 were about elevating motherhood. I believe, ladies, we must elevate motherhood to the place where God has placed it. If we don’t do it in our generation, what are we passing on to the next generation? In fact, what kind of motherhood is being passed on to the next generation in our society today? We don’t often see the type of motherhood that God intends. Those are important podcasts to listen to, also.
Although I must say something too. We talked about the elevation of motherhood; just placing it where God has put it, an exalted career. We didn’t get to talk about marriage, but the same thing applies to marriage, because I believe we have to also elevate marriage to the place where God has placed it. Oh, ladies, it is a high, high place. I love the quote of John Piper. He says:
“There never has been a generation whose view of marriage is high enough.”
I believe that is so true.
Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, His church. The way He loves His Bride, how He gave His life for it, and the way the bride honors and submits to her beloved, Christ. We’re meant to portray that. I think we’ve got a lot of work to do, haven’t we, to raise it to that place where God wants it.
Dear wives, we have the responsibility of passing on God’s beautiful plan for marriage to our children. We perhaps have a bigger challenge than any other time in history. We’re now living in a time when even homosexuality, even same-sex marriage is law. Now we’re facing transgender. These absolutely are a slap in the face against our God and His beautiful plan.
The whole of the Bible is really a book about marriage. It begins in Genesis when God created the first couple, and He brought them together. He made them one flesh, and He began His beautiful plan of marriage. It ends with the marriage supper of the Lamb, where the bride is brought in, and the Lamb receives His Bride, the one that He died for.
The whole of the Bible is about marriage. When we read all the chapters that talk about Israel, it’s a relationship between God and Israel. He tells them that He is their Bridegroom, and they are His bride. We need to become more and more knowing God’s heart about this, because, lovely ladies, we are the transmitters of truth! We don’t do it by just what we say. We do it by our lives. We do it by our example. We do it by how we live in our homes.
Well, I got waylaid along the way, because here I am today, and we’re getting back to this series of transmitting God’s truth to the next generation. In between, we did six podcasts, because I was doing them with other people. I know you would have loved them. If you didn’t get to hear them, please get to hear them. I did two with the Kookogeys. We spoke about RAISING OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK IN THE GATES OF THE CITIES.
I did two with DANIEL AND ALLISON HARTMAN. They are the ones who organize the Above Rubies retreats in Panama City. We’re looking forward to this great, glorious family retreat. We’ll be driving down tomorrow. I think we have 100 families who are coming, which will be so wonderful.
Then I did one with MICHAEL TAIT, the lead singer of the Newsboys. And then last week, with COURTNEY MOUNT, who shared the incredible story of her little two-year-old, who was diagnosed with stage four cancer. So, lots of wonderful things for you to keep up with! Don’t forget to pass them on to others. Send out the links to your friends and let them be encouraged also.
ELEVATING THE VALUE OF YOUR TABLE
Today, here we are. I want to talk about elevating our tables. Well, I think I’ve talked with you quite a bit about this subject but we’re going to get on to some very practical etiquette things. I would love to remind you again that it is important to also elevate our tables. Yes, that doesn’t mean to say that we make them higher! You know, let’s add a few feet to them!
No, no, no, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about elevating them in value, the value that we put upon the table. Precious ladies, in so many homes today, the table has no value at all. It is rare for even families to come and sit around the table. Then, in many families, when they do, it’s just chaos!
But we have to work at this, because the table is, I would say, one of the most important pieces of furniture in our homes. It takes the centrality of the home. It’s where we gather as family.
When God talks about His family, in Psalm 128:3, he talks about a table. He says: “Your wife is like a fruitful vine within your home. And look at all the children, sitting around your table.” It so blesses the heart of God to see families sitting around the table! Not only eating together but communicating together. Oh, this is God’s heart. This is the picture that He uses.
Therefore, we must put God’s value on our table also, and for another reason, because we are transmitting this truth to the next generation. What are we passing on? So many families today, they eat out all the time. What are their children going to do? Do they even know how to sit around a table and how to really make it happen?
In one of my podcasts, I talked about sitting at the table. That’s a really big thing. I wonder what one I did that? I think that was podcast 246. I wonder if you were blessed by that. Are you getting your children to sit around your table a little more? If you haven’t heard that one, you need to do that, because I know it’s not easy to get children seated around the table, and to stay seated! Oh my, that’s another thing. That was something we really had to talk about. But there’s lots more things about the table. Very, very practical things, and I’d love to mention some of them to you today.
Now the following that I am going to share with you is basic etiquette. In fact, you can read about it in any etiquette book. You can read about it online. Yet is it amazing that so few families actually do it! I think we should get back to doing these things, because what am I going to say? Yes, we have the responsibility to pass them on to the next generation. If we don’t do them, they won’t get passed on.
HAND WASHING
‘OK, first thing. When it’s time for supper, tell your children, or get them into the habit, of course, of going and washing their hands and brushing their hair, so they come to the table clean. Yes, with hands washed! Most probably they’ve been touching all kinds of junk and playing in the dirt, and goodness knows what! Make that a habit, so after a while, you don’t have to tell them. They will automatically know—you wash your hands, and you brush your hair. You come looking fresh and ready to be with the whole family.
EVERYONE COMES RUNNING
When you tell your children, “Suppertime,” teach them obedience, to come immediately. We can’t have stragglers at the table. It’s terrible to sit down at the table, and one child is still missing! What are they doing? They’re doing something in their room, or they’re taking too long to wash their hands. No, we must teach them that when you call out, “Supper is ready,” or you have a little bell, or you have whatever you have decided to do in your home, that everyone comes running. They’ve washed their hands. They’ve brushed their hair. They come running to sit at the table.
HOLD HANDS TOGETHER
Then they are all seated. And you’re going to give grace together. Most probably your husband will give the blessing. It’s a beautiful thing to all hold hands. Do you do that at your table? I would encourage you to take the time to do that. It’s the first thing you do at the table that binds you together. That’s what the table is all about. It’s about binding you together as a family. So, you’re going to do things that will bind you together. Little things count, even just a little thing as all holding hands together. That brings oneness in the family.
TRY DIFFERENT VEGETABLES
You may do things differently in each family, especially when your children are young. When my children were growing, and they were young, I would dish out their meals. I would put on their plate all the vegetables that we were having for the evening meal, and I would expect them to eat them. If I knew that one of the children, oh, they found it so hard to eat! Maybe carrots, that’s pretty easy. Maybe rutabaga.
Oh, wow! Does anybody ever cook rutabaga? Back in New Zealand, we call it “swede.” But it is a wonderful vegetable. I use it quite often. It’s full of vitamin C. I love to grate it up, and then cook it in a slight little bit of water, with butter and salt and pepper. It’s very beautiful. Although one day, I was busy grating, and grating, and grating, and grating, and grating, because I had a great big crowd coming for supper. This was one of my vegetables.
My Above Rubies girl said to me, “Oh, Mrs. Campbell, why don’t you just put it in the food processor?” I thought, “Oh, for goodness sakes! Why didn’t I do that?” So, now I do that, and it’s so quick.
But if it is some strange vegetable, well, you can just give them the tiniest little bit to taste, because you know what? It’s very good to get your children used to tasting all the vegetables. There are so many wonderful vegetables! Oh, and if you cook them the right way, they are delectable! I love parsnips. They’re one of my favorite vegetables.
I’ll often do this when our sweet potatoes are growing. I harvest the sweet potato leaves. I whiz them up in the food processor too, and do them with onions and peppers, tomatoes, some hot peppers too, to make it really beautiful. Everybody loves it who eats it.
But most children today, all they know is maybe potatoes, peas, and carrots. They’ve never tasted anything else! Help! Let’s give our children a broad spectrum of all the glorious foods that God has created so they can get a love for them. Now, if it’s new, or we know they don’t like it, give them the tiniest bit, and they have to eat that tiny little bit. Because that’s good for them.
I remember when we adopted our four children from Liberia. Our son, John, oh my! He had never eaten salads. Over there in Liberia, they didn’t eat stuff like that. Everything was cooked, and it really needed to be, because you could get diseases.
Of course, a salad is always part of every meal in our home. I started off putting the salad out, and oh, my! They didn’t like to take it. John especially, he really balked at salad. So, I said, “OK, John, you’ve just got to take a little bit.” He would take maybe five or six leaves. He would somehow get through those. In fact, now, he’ll come to have supper with us, and the salad bowl will be there.
“Here’s the salad bowl, John!” I will say, with a twinkle in my eye. He will usually take ONE leaf!
But when my children were little, sometimes, when I was teaching them to eat salad, you know what I did? I would dish out a salad plate for them. Not too much, but they had to eat that first before I dished out the rest of the meal. That’s how I taught them to eat salad. They all love salad today. Of course, you know my girls, Trim Healthy Mama, Serene and Pearl, well, they’re salad freaks.
But I taught them by, OK, it wasn’t an option, and they didn’t even get anything else to eat until they had eaten their salad. Then I dished out for them the rest of the meal, all ready for them. But, of course, as they grew older, and they learned how to eat everything, I would put the food in a dish for them to take from by themselves. I do that now.
That’s how we eat every meal, because we also have lots of people around our table, sometimes less, sometimes more. We’re either putting the table back or extending it right out. Especially when you have visitors, you need to have the dishes on the table so people can help themselves to what they like, because we’re not going to be making our visitors eat everything we put on our table!
PASS THE FOOD TO THE RIGHT
Now, there’s also a little law on how to do that. Do you know what to do? You need to start teaching your children this, so they know this is the way you do it. When they start a home, it passes on to the next generation. They know what to do when they go out.
I will say to everyone, “Here is your food.” Sometimes I will explain what some of the dishes are, and I’ll say, “Take what is in front of you, and then pass to your right.” Keep passing it around so everybody gets to take from each dish. That’s the way you do it. Not everybody putting their hands out and grabbing a dish from here, there, and everywhere! No. In fact, that is very, very rude. It is against etiquette.
After dishes have been passed around to the right of the person, then perhaps you want more. OK, well, don’t just reach right over the table and grab a bowl! You will ask the person who is nearest to the bowl. “Johnny, excuse me, could you pass me the dish of potatoes?” As they pass it, you will say, “Thank you.” That’s important to teach your children so they are learning manners.
Yes, dear lovely ladies, I know that sometimes, oh, my, the chaos of meals with lots of little children, you’re not getting around to teaching these manners. But please, please, do it! Little by little. The sooner you do it, the sooner it becomes a habit. That’s what they’ll know to do. It will be normal.
One day, they’ll grow up, maybe to be a businessman. They go out to dinner, and they know how to ask. We are preparing our children, not only to take this onto the next generation, but how to conduct themselves when they go into public, when they go to other people’s places for a meal.
NO PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS
Another thing is, no whispering at the table. No private conversations. That’s something that I have made a rule in our home. To whisper to someone at the table is also against etiquette. It is rude. So, we encourage. You have to make this happen. Otherwise, this child will be talking to this one and that one, and it’s just bedlam.
You have to bring a subject to the table, or a question, especially when the children are young, to get the conversation going. Let all be involved. Sometimes, if you’re discussing a subject, you can get each one to take a turn sharing their point of view around the table. Other times, you’ll let it be spontaneous, although you may have to get them to put up their hand, or they’ll all be jumping in at once.
Our children, as they were growing, they were very, very vocal. They all wanted to say their point of view at the same time. My husband would have to be the umpire, just saying, “This one will go first. This one is next.” They were always such exciting times. But make sure you keep the conversation together.
PLEASE MAY I BE EXCUSED
If a child has to leave the table to go to the bathroom, which it seems that children are always wanting to go to the bathroom during mealtime, we need to try and curb that as much as possible also. Sometimes it’s just an excuse to get up from the table.
But sometimes they really need to go. So, we teach them to say, “Please, may I be excused?” That is the phrase that must be used when a child leaves the table. “Please, Mommy,” or “Please, Daddy, may I be excused?” Then they may go. You don’t allow a child to just get up, just go! Why? Help? Where are they? What are they going for? We don’t even know. That is very important.
No child leaves the table without asking to be excused. No adult should ever leave the table without asking to be excused. Even if it’s Mommy or Daddy, they will say to the children, “Excuse me a moment, children. Daddy won’t be a minute.” He doesn’t have to say, “I’m going to the toilet,” but he will say to the children that he wants to be excused, because it’s only etiquette, dear ladies, if you’re going to excuse yourself, you must tell others that you’re going to. That is etiquette. If you are an adult, you will do the same. You may not have to say, like a little child, “Please, Mommy, may I be excused?” But you’ll say, “Can I please be excused?”
When you are visiting another family, and you’re sitting at the table, and maybe you’ve got to blow your nose, well, you don’t ever do that at the table. Or you may have to go to the bathroom. You will just say to the host, “Can I be excused for a minute?” You don’t have to tell them why. But you must ask to be excused. So darling ladies, these are such little things, aren’t they? But little things add up to so much, and they are what brings order and loveliness to our family tables, and then, when we go out to other tables.
NO IPHONES AT THE TABLE
Another thing, I think I’ve talked about this before, is no iPhones at the table. You can decide in your family how you want to do this. Some families have a basket. They say “OK, as you come to the table, all iPhones turned off and in the basket.” But whatever you have to do, no iPhones at the table. It is the rudest thing in the whole world to be at the table.
We’ve come together to communicate. It’s our special time together. Family time, or face-to-face, table fellowship is so important. You don’t go talking to some other person from out of state, or some person you hardly know on your social media. No, that does not happen. Never allow it at your table.
I have, goodness me, I have beady eyes, and I notice things. I’ve had young people come to my table. I notice their eyes cast down. Yes, I know. They put their iPhone on their knee, and they’re looking at their iPhones. I have to say, “Sorry, do you mind turning that off? We don’t have iPhones at our table.”
You don’t have to get mad, but tell them softly, but we have to keep our standards. They most probably do not have that standard in their home. Well, when they come to your home, they have your standard.
THE SAME LAW FOR ALL
That is another thing. I wonder if I’ve told you about it. Maybe I should, in the next session. I haven’t got my notes here, but there are a number of Scriptures that talk about: “There shall be,” this is God speaking, “There shall be one law for the stranger that is in your house and in your land, as for you.” God said that when people who were not Israelites came and lived among them, they had to have the same laws as the Israelites.
That was a wonderful help to me, because we’ve been very hospitable in our lives. We’ve had people, and especially children come in. They do all manner of things that I would never allow in my home! Oh, goodness me, they’ll come in, and the children start jumping on the furniture! I’ve seen them go into the bedroom to jump on the beds! Goodness me!
Well, maybe some families let your beds be trampolines, but I don’t. I believe it ruins the beds. The beds are for sleeping. They’re not for trampolines! So, the parents are letting them do what they like. I will have to go and tell them, because it is scriptural, when someone comes into your home, they have the same law that you have.
DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL
Another one: you all know this one, of course. Don’t talk with your mouth full. You do have to teach children that one, don’t you? You see children, they just eat with their mouth full. They don’t know how bad they look. We’re teaching. That’s what parents are for! Teaching our children.
So, we just teach them. Maybe they’ll do it again. Teach them again. When you’re teaching, you all know, parents, don’t you, that we have to tell our children more than once, until they really get it. But we keep on with that one, because it’s very ugly. Ooh! I see even adults doing it. I simply hate seeing someone chewing and the food in their mouth! Ooh! I don’t even like it! Help!
CHEW GUM PRIVATELY
Actually, that brings me something else. Oh my. This could tread on some toes. But I think it is the same with chewing gum. Some people like to chew. Well, I say, chew privately. But please don’t chew when you are talking to someone. It is as bad as talking with your mouth full!
I see some people who are talking away to me, and you can see the chewing gum. It’s green this time. There’s green stuff rolling around in their mouth, and I’m just wanting to puke! It’s so sad! Because the person is so beautiful, and I love them. And then, they just, ooh, this chewing gum is all around their mouth, and it’s looking so ugly!
What is etiquette? What are manners? They are thinking of the other person. That’s all it is. Thinking of the other person. It’s not fair for a person to look at someone looking at you in the face, talking to you, and rolling their chewing gum around in their mouth. It’s just not nice.
Now, I know there are many people who do it by habit. They chew all the time. They don’t even know they’re doing it. They don’t even know what they look like! But I just mention that, because it’s very much the same as talking with your mouth full. It’s the same. I think we should watch that.
If you love to chew, chew in the car. Chew on your own, but don’t do it in public. It’s really quite “common” to do it in public. Sometimes I see a beautiful woman. Ooh, I just want to look at her. She looks so gracious and beautiful. And then I get to talk to her, and she starts chewing! That beautiful graciousness upon her goes right down! I think that’s something we should think about.
I don’t even allow chewing gum in my home, because, you want to know why? Apart from the fact that I don’t want my children, or I don’t like my grandchildren talking to me with gum around their mouth. Some people are blowing bubbles, and so on. But, oh, I have had to scrape chewing gum off the floor, and under chairs. Oh, I don’t really like doing that. I don’t think you do either. I thought, “Well, I’ll make a precedent. No chewing gum in my home.” It saves me having to do all that.
Well, I’m ready to go on something else about the table, but I think it may take a little bit longer, so I think we’ll close now. We’ll start it in our next session. OK? I hope you have been blessed and encouraged. I know some of you do all these things in your home. Some of you may not, because you may not have done them in your home. It wasn’t even passed on from your generation. But we can pick it up again, so that we’re going to be passing it on to the next generation.
“Dear Father, we come to You in the Name of Jesus. We thank You, that You are a God of order. You, Lord, You rule Your kingdom with order. I pray that You will help us to be parents who teach our children how to have order, even order at the table. It does make for so much greater blessing.
“Bless these dear moms, Lord, as they teach their children. Of course, the first thing we teach them is Your precious Word, but all these practical things are very important too. I pray that You will help them. I pray that You will pour Your blessings upon their homes. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.”
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
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Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
ETIQUETTE POSTERS
Seven Etiquette Posters to Bless Your Home! Pin them up all over your home to encourage better manners in your children. You can also laminate them and use them as place mats at the table.
Home Etiquette
Speech Etiquette
Table Etiquette
Daily Life Etiquette
Hospitality Etiquette
Church Etiquette
Work Force Etiquette
To order, go to: http://bit.ly/EtiquettePosters
Snippets:
I love these posters. Such great home school and disciplinary tools for parents to instill in their children. Each poster focuses on character qualities that are essential for children as they mature to being godly men and women for the Lord. A wonderful resource to purchase.
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