FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 128: 

Who Are You As A Mother?

We have two powerful anointings as mothers. We are gentle and caring as we reveal our nurturing and mothering anointing. But we are also roaring mama bears as we protect our familiesand stand guard against the enemy. I talk about these anointings, and then we move on to discover the Scriptures about God as a “a man of war,” and the “mighty warrior.”

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, From Our Home to Yours, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! Always lovely to be with you again. Today I'd like to talk to you about two aspects of motherhood. First thing, let me take you to John's description of Jesus in Revelation.

In Revelation, chapter 5, John is looking into the heavenly realm. Let's read verse two. “And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, 'Who is worthy to open the Book, and to loose the seals thereof?' And no man in heaven, nor in earth, neither under the earth, was able to open the Book, neither to look thereon. And I wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the Book, neither to look thereon. And one of the elders saith unto me, 'Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the Book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.' And I beheld, and lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb...” A Lamb. “. . . a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God, sent forth into all the earth.”

Now this is an amazing description, because when they proclaimed: “We found the One who can open the Book,” what did they say He was? “The Lion of the tribe of Judah.” But when John looked, he didn't see a Lion. What did he see? He saw a Lamb. “A Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.”

It is so true. Jesus is both the Lion and the Lamb. He is the Lamb Who came into this world to take away our sins. John the Baptist proclaimed that: “Behold, the Lamb of God, Which takes away the sins of the world!”

But Jesus is also the Lion. He is the One Who roars. There will come a time when Jesus Christ, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, will arrive. In this time of grace, He has such longsuffering and patience as He waits for all men to come to repentance—for  that is God's heart, that all will come to repentance.

But there comes a time in history when He can wait no longer. And He rises up as a man of war. He rises up as a Lion, and He begins to roar. And He begins to go to battle, and to bring all into subjection unto Him.

But as we look at this, and as we see in Christ both the Lion and the Lamb, we see that also in our role as mothers. Because God inherently created us, as women, to have a nurturing anointing. Every one of us who are created female, we have from God, divinely from God, this nurturing anointing. We love to mother. It's just who we are as females. Not one female can get away from it.

Oh yes, there are so many in this society who have turned from motherhood. We have such a big feminist movement in our society today who have turned from motherhood, and that beautiful nurturing anointing. They think they don't have it. They think they've thrown it away.

But no, they can't get away from it. You look at those who refuse to have anything to do with children, who don't even want their own children. You will find that they will be mothering some kind of pet. They'll have a little dog. They'll have a little cat. They will have something they can mother. They may refuse to mother children from their womb, but they have to mother, because it's in them instinctively. It is in every female. This is the most beautiful anointing that is upon us, as women, this nurturing anointing.

It's not just something that we have, “Oh yes, this is us.” No, it's God-like. It comes from God Himself, because God is the Nurturer, and He's the One Who created the female to reveal to the world this aspect of Who He is.

We see this in one of the Names of God. God has many names and every name reveals another aspect of His character. One name is not enough to reveal all Who God is.

One of the beautiful salvation Names of God is El Shaddai. El meaning, “might and power and omnipotence.” Shaddai. This is a beautiful word that reveals a picture of God Himself as a nursing mother, one who wants to gather us in His arms, to comfort to us, to minister to us, and to nurture us.

This is Who God is. It's one of the aspects of His character that is to be revealed, for we are the image of God. Male and female are the image of God. God created male to reveal God in different ways, but He gave us this privilege, this beautiful privilege, to reveal the mother anointing of God.

It is such a beautiful thing to embrace, dear lovely wives and mothers. You may be in the thick of your mothering, and oh, just trying to care for all your children. Sometimes you just do it, because suddenly, not suddenly, but one by one, all these little ones have been added. And here you are with them.

But have you ever embraced who you are? Have you embraced this mother anointing? Because this is who you are. Every one of us have gifts from God. We can do different things. We have different gifts, different abilities. But mothering is actually who we are, who we were created to be.

If we just get rid of all societal programming and educational programming in our brains, if all that is taken away, well then, we get back to bedrock. And we know who we are. We have this nurturing anointing. It is beautiful. It is tender. It is mother-like. It is God-like. As we embrace it, we enter into the fullness of all we are meant to be as females.

I encourage you today, don't just do your mothering, Don't just get through every day. But embrace who you are, because you will find that when you embrace it, you walk in the joy of it, the fullness of it, all that God wants you to walk in.

I think, I always think this thought, “How sad to go through life, and not fulfill what you were born for.” Whatever you do in life, you were born to mother.

Maybe you are listening and you are not even married. Or perhaps you haven't been able to give birth to children. You are no less a mother! You have this nurturing anointing within you! Embrace it, and begin to reach out and nurture needy and lost souls and whoever God puts upon your heart. For whatever aspect you are in, whatever your situation, you are a mother.

Now, if you have children all around you, wow! You are really in the midst of it! But you won't even come into the fullness of it until you embrace it.

EVERY MOTHER LOVES HER CHILDREN BUT NOT EVERY MOTHER LOVES MOTHERHOOD

I often say to mothers, “Every mother loves her children, but not every mother loves motherhood.” This is the secret. I know you love your children. But there's something more. It's loving and embracing motherhood. For when you do that, you come into a whole new realm.

MOTHERHOOD TAKES COURAGE AND STRENGTH

Now, OK, we are, we have this beautiful, gentle, nurturing anointing. But, ladies, we do also have a lion-like anointing within us. Yes, God has put that in women too. We are not just little wimps! No, we are not! In fact, I often say, motherhood is not for wimps! It takes courage. It takes strength. It takes everything you've got to be a mother.

But you know, we see this, this other anointing, just as we see it in Christ, the Lamb, Who submitted Himself to the cross—but also the Lion, Who is the King. And so, we also see that in mothering.

We see it, even in the beautiful anointing of breastfeeding. When a mother is nursing her baby, she has these hormones. God is so incredible. Every breastfeeding mother has hormones that God gives to her, to help her in her mothering.

She has oxytocin. Oh, how I love that hormone! It's called the calming hormone, the bliss hormone, the love hormone. It has so many adjectives, because it's that glorious hormone that just brings such a calming to us.

God gives that to the nursing mother. When she puts the baby to the breast, the milk lets down, and oxytocin begins to work. Oh, and she's just feels that, ohhh, that sort of calming come all over her. That's why sometimes when you're nursing, you just drop off to sleep! You get sleepy! It's oxytocin and it's God refreshing you, even for those few minutes when you're nursing, so you can get up again and face the fray! It is so beautiful.

God also gives prolactin to the nursing mother. That is such a powerful hormone. It's a love hormone, too, but it's a very, very, strong hormone. It makes a mother become very, very protective. She can even become ferocious in protecting her child. It's a very protecting hormone.

They've done studies on animals in the wild who are nursing their young. They've found, while they're nursing their young, if any other animal comes near them, or maybe even comes to attack them, they will go into attack mode to save their little one. Because it's that protecting hormone.

I noticed this once when we had a little cat. It was just a wild cat. Out here in the country, it's kind of good to have a cat, because as it gets colder, the mice start to come in. It's great if you have a micer.

Well, we don't usually have one, unfortunately, because my husband doesn't really like cats around. He doesn't like them inside, because they scratch the furniture. Actually recently, I did pray upon him, and we did get another little kitten. Sadly, it didn't last long and got run over.

But back a few years, well many years ago, we had this little kitten. This little kitten, it had kittens. So my husband said, “OK we can't have all these kittens around. You'll have to get rid of them.”

Back in those days, you could go and stand outside Walmart, and hold your little kittens, and people would take them. So I did that, but I kept one. This kitten, she was really still not much of a cat. She was just a wiry, skinny little thing. But she was nursing this kitten, the last one that she had, because the others were given away.

Anyway, she just kept nursing this kitten. The weeks went by and I didn't stop her. She just kept on, and this little kitten of hers began to grow sleek and fat. I was just amazed at how beautifully this little kitten grew.

One day Pearl came by. Her children were little then, and she said, “Mum, we're going away. Can you look after our dog?”  I said, “Yes, no problem.” So they bring the dog in, and off they go. We wave good-bye.

Well, it wasn't long, and all of a sudden, there was barking and meowing and hissing and wow! What is happening? This dog and cat were fighting! I thought, “My, what has happened?” Anyway, we managed to separate them, tie the dog up, and things went back to normal. So we had to keep this dog tied up.

Next day, Serene walked over for a little visit. She had with her a little puppy. Well! It was hardly a few moments, and fighting began again! Barking and hissing and meowing and screaming, and whoo, I thought, “This cat has got rabies! What's happened to it?”

Oh my, it was just terrible! So we eventually separated this cat and dog. Serene went home with her dog, and things went back to normal again.

Oh, I was wondering about this kitten! What happened? Well, the next day, Serene came over again, minus her dog. We were sitting outside, having a cup of tea, and I looked over and there was this kitten, just so calmly nursing her little kitten,

Suddenly I realized, “Of course! No wonder she is fighting every dog that comes near! She's got prolactin! She is fighting to protect her little kitten. And look out, any other animal that comes near!” It was so powerfully expressed in this situation.

Anyway, time went on. Of course, she weaned this other kitten and when prolactin was gone, every dog in the neighborhood would turn up, as they do out here in the country, and she never even sort of hardly lifted her eye. It was only when she had the prolactin.

That's rather amazing, isn't it? But God has, not only while we are breastfeeding, no. We also have this protective anointing that we will rise up and fight against anyone, or anything, that would hurt our children, in the physical, and in the spiritual. ecause, if we are walking with God, dear mothers, we will also be watching in the spiritual realm. We'll be watching things that can come into our homeor that can begin to affect our children. We will rise up to fight against the enemy.

Often, it's not flesh and blood we're fighting, but we're fighting principalities and powers. We have to fight in prayer. Dear mother, we have these two things as mothers. I want you to know today that you have both of them, and embrace both of them.

Yes, you have this tender, nurturing, God-like, mother anointing. But you also have this lion-like anointing within you to protect your children, physically and perhaps even more, spiritually. God has given both of these to us.

As I've been thinking about this, I've been thinking about who God is like. You know, I mentioned before, that God has many, many names, because one name is not enough to describe Who He is. Every character of God, He has it one hundred percent.

Sometimes, we find it difficult to know how to work this out in our lives. How do we show mercy? And yet, how do we show justice at the same time? Do we have 50% of each? How do we work it out?

Sometimes it's difficult, in our experience, to work this out. But God is complete in every area. He is completely a God of love, completely and wholly and totally a God of mercy and compassion.

But He is also completely a God Who is a man of war. Dear ladies, I beg your pardon. Did I actually say, “A man of war”? Yes. That is what the Scripture tells us. We go back to Exodus, chapter 15, verse 3. In fact, Exodus 15 is the beautiful song, the Song of Moses that they sang. Remember how Miriam led the whole of Israel with her tambourine? And they danced, and they sang. Read this psalm over again. Well it is a psalm, but it's actually Exodus 15. It's so glorious.

In verse three, it says: “The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is His Name.” As He delivered the children of Israel out of Egypt, He had to rise up as a man of war. He could not deliver them if He just perhaps lived in his rest, which He is. He's a God of rest, God of love, the God of love. He came down as a God of mercy. He came down to the people of Israel in their time of such servitude, and all they were going through.

But he rose as a man of war against the Egyptians. Let's just read a little more of what God did there. “Pharaoh's chariots and his host has He cast into the sea:” Now this is not saying that Moses did this. No, they didn't do it. They had no way. They were stuck! They had no way out! But God did it. Yes. “His chosen captains also are drowned in the Red Sea. The depths have covered them; they sank into the bottom as a stone. Thy right hand, O Lord, has become glorious in power: thy right hand, O Lord, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.”

That's God. Oh, wow! Does that sound like God? Yes? We have to understand, lovely ladies, Who our God is. We cannot put God in a box, and say, “This is the God that I believe in. I believe in this God of love, this God of tolerance, Who, you know, He loves everybody, and He doesn't mind if they sin a little bit.”

No! That's not the God of the Bible. We have to read His Word to know Who He is. He's also a God of war. And here he dashes in pieces the enemy. “And in the greatness of Thine excellency Thou hast overthrown them who rose up against thee: Thou sentest forth Thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble. And with the blast of Thy nostrils, the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.” And so it goes on and on.

This word, “The Lord is a man of war” is the Hebrew word gibbor. Of course, it's used many, many other times in the Bible. In Jeremiah 32:18 is another description of God: “The Great, the Mighty God.” “The mighty,” yes, that's gibbor as well. “The Mighty God, the Lord of Hosts is His Name.”

I have actually, dear ladies, found 12 different Hebrew words that relate to war and fighting. Almost of these words are all used, also, to describe God. Now, can you believe it? I think we'll have a little look at them. I think it is good to understand the whole counsel of God, not to just see one aspect of truth, or one aspect of God. We have to understand it all.

Before I move on to another one, I love this Scripture in Psalm 89, verse 19, it says here: “I have laid help upon one that is mighty;” There's that word again, gibbor. Now this time, it's not used of God, but it's used of a man. We find, in all these words that I am going to show you, they are used to describe God, but they're also used to describe us.

I'm always amazed about this in the Bible. There are so many words that are used for God but that He also uses for us! Have you noticed that? It's amazing. So . . . “The Great, the Mighty God,” I told you about that word.

We're up to Psalm 89:19: “I have laid help upon one that is mighty. I have exalted one chosen out of the people.” Who is this person? It goes on to say, “I have found David my servant; with my holy oil have I anointed him.”

This is speaking about David, but it is also a Messianic prophecy, speaking of Christ. David was a type of Christ. So here He says that He has laid His hand, He's laid help upon this mighty one.

When God was looking for a leader, for a king for the children of Israel, He looked for a warrior. He didn't look for someone, “Now let Me find someone who, oh, yes, he will be very plausible. You know, he'll be able to speak to the people nicely, and he'll be tolerant, so everybody will be happy.”

No! God looked for a warrior. In fact, most translations say: “I raised a warrior.” Why does God raise up a warrior? Because He needed a man who would be able to conquer all the enemies that were surrounding Israel. Because there was coming a time when God wanted a reign of peace.

He would raise up David's son, Solomon, to build the Temple, the sanctuary where God would dwell. God needed a time of peace to build that sanctuary. In fact, it was actually David's, it was his vision to build this Temple for God. Oh, how he dreamed of it! Night and day, it was his passion.

But God came to Him one night, well maybe it was the day, through the prophet, and said, “The Lord is telling you, David, that you are not going to build this Temple. You have been a man of war. You've been a man who has shed blood. I am going to raise up a man of peace. I'm going to raise up your son to build the Temple.”

But God goes on to say something very beautiful. I love this. “And God said to David, 'But David, it is good that it is in your heart.'” God saw his heart. God saw David as though he actually built the Temple himself, because he saw the vision in his heart.

Dear ladies, there may be some of you today, you have a vision to do something for God, and that maybe you've held onto it for years. It's still hasn't come to pass. Well, maybe it will. But maybe the vision is for someone else. But God sees your heart. And God says, “It's good that it's in your heart.” And so, be encouraged by that. When you have a passion in your heart, God sees it as though you've actually done it, even if the way doesn't open for you to do it.

But as we think of how God raised a warrior, He needed a warrior, a conqueror, and David was the man of war who went out. He was an amazing, incredible soldier. Oh goodness, I remember one time reading, I haven't got the reference here today, but the Philistines came against him. It was David and only one other. All of David's army fled, and it was only David and one other standing there in that field, and they took on the Philistine army on their own and pushed them back. He was just such an amazing warrior!

But I actually think of how we're facing a little bit of that situation today, when we have a President that God gave to us in 2016. There have been so many people, sadly, even Christians, who are... They don't really like him.

They think, “Oh dear, oh dear, he's, you know, he's just too much of a warrior!” Yes, because he is a warrior. He knows how to fight. “He just says things that he shouldn't say. He should be more tolerant. And he should be more presidential,” and so on.

But you know, dear precious ladies, we didn't need someone like that. We needed a warrior. There's only one man who can, because God  has raised him up. I believe God  raised him up to stand against this whole world, one-world take-over, and this whole push to extreme socialism and communism. That is, if the new... The democratic party got in, if they do.

Although they're saying that he is the President-Elect, it is far from true. They are still counting in this election, and we all know that more and more and more fraudulent voting is coming to light every day. It is unbelievable! It is just beyond anything that's ever happened in the history of our nation. It is huge. I don't know how much you have read, but oh my, there's even more behind the scenes that hasn't even yet come out of how fraudulent this election has been.

But nothing is in stone yet. We need to  be praying with all our hearts, because if these people get in, we go down a road that takes us toward toward communism. There will be no more freedom in this nation. We have one man who is standing against that. He is a warrior. I believe God raised him up, and I believe we should be praying for him.

Anyway, perhaps I will end this session, before I start on our new word. Next session, we will look at some more words that are related to God and even to us, about war and fighting.

Yes, here we are, mothers, and we're going to talk about war and fighting. But it is part of God's character, and as we have learned today, it's also part of us. We also have to rise up to be fighters, fighters in the spiritual realm, for our families.

Dear Father, We thank You so much for Your Word. For without Your Word, we would be in our own little world, and what we think is best. And Lord God, we wouldn't even know what You are like. For Your Word opens up our whole understanding, to know Who You truly are.

We thank You, that You've created us to be tender, nurturing mothers. But we thank You, that You've also put a fighting spirit within us, to protect our children, and our families. We pray that You will teach us how to do this, Father. We ask it in the Lovely Name of Jesus. Amen.

Transcribed by Darlene Norris.

FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 127: MAKING FAMILY LIFE FUN

Jessica Ajayi joins me again today. We discuss more about life learning, how to enjoy your children, fun things to do with your children, and how to free yourself into passionate, enjoyable, adventurous, and restful mothering.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, From Our Home to Yours, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, lovely ladies! I'm here again today, and Jessica is back with me. I know you're going to enjoy listening to her again today. Remember, Jessica has an Instagram called Beautiful_Motherhood. I know you will love going to that.

Now, Jessica, last session we were talking about some of the things that your children have learned to do. How at a young age, they've been learning to build whatever they want to build and make for themselves. What about some other things? What can your children cook? Are they any good at cooking? Have you ever taught them that?

Jessica: Yes. So they know how to cook. They know how to bake. They can make bread. They can . . .

Nancy: They do it all by themselves. You can say, “OK, I just want you to make the bread.”

Jessica: Well, we use the same principles as in any other area, when we teach them to first, to do it with me, literally for a year. Every time when I make it, they would come, and I would invite them to knead the dough.

Nancy: And you just don't do anything on your own, while the children are doing something else. You'll say, “Come on, children. We're making bread. Let's do it together!” So they learn, and that's how you do it.

Jessica: Yes. And they're excited. It's not something like, “Oh, no, not again!” They look forward to help. They actually feel important. “Mommy has invited me, like I can do something!”

And then as they get older, I will ask them to do things by themselves. First little things, maybe to make the cookie dough. Then later on, a bread recipe, which I find is still pretty easy.

Nancy: What kind of bread do you make in your home?

Jessica: We make whole grain bread. Sometimes we used sprouted wheat. Sometimes we use spelt flour. They know how to grind the flour from grains that we buy. Then they know how to make it rise and put the yeast and the baking powder. Or how to use sourdough. We make a variety of breads.

Nancy: That's so nice. So, what about cooking a meal? Have they got to that stage yet?

Jessica: Yes. So I actually, over the years, collected all our favorite recipes. And then I made beautiful recipe books. One for just foods, and then another one for sweets, sugar-free sweets that we like to make. And then I have the picture of our food, the ones that we cook together.

It's a collection book of the recipes from our memories too. I put little colorful designs on the pages. They each have access to the book. As they grow older, they will each have a copy of it.

I teach them how to make it, and then they have the recipes in hand. They can look up what ingredients they maybe not remember, or how to make something.

Nancy: Have you ever been able to say, “OK, I want, maybe Samuel and Priscilla, will you make the meal tonight?” Will they be able to do that?

Jessica: Yes. Priscilla, she has made many Friday dinners. She's made lentil dahl soup that we all really enjoy. There's a variety of other recipes too that they know how to make.

Nancy: She's only just turned 10, hasn't she?

Jessica: Yes.

Nancy: That's so great! Let me see, what else, I wonder, do you do in your home? Oh, can you think of other things that you've taught your children? What about certain things that you like to make? Tell us about them.

Jessica: Yes, so there was a phase where I was into making cheese. I would just take them along. I actually went to a farm and somebody taught me how to make it. It took all day. The kids would pop in and out. It was too much for them. But then, when we had to make it at home, and I got to work in the kitchen, they came along.

We male cheeses together. We make soap together, completely from scratch. I literally got tallow from a butcher and made everything from scratch. They weren't there the whole entire process, but many times throughout the process.

They like especially when the soap was done, and we got to re-mill it and add lavender, or other herbs. They could actually stir and melt them, and combine the ingredients, and pour them into molds.

Nancy: And they like to use it. I guess they think it's so cool when they made it themselves.

Jessica: Yeah, and they are proud of it, too! There's a sense of achievement, “I've accomplished something. We have made our own soap!” Or “I've cooked this meal!”

Nancy: Yes, that's so great. And what about sewing?

Jessica: Yes. Well, I am a practical sewer. I don't yet have time for just sewing things for beauty. Whatever practical project I have . . . one of the things is that we make our own pillows. We fill them with buckwheat hulls. Once a year, we use pillowcases, but still once a year, I try to refill them. It's literally just sewing a square with our serger. The children know how to sew straight lines, so they can help with that.

We also make for ourselves, we wanted to . . . we live and rent, so we wanted to have a container garden. I have lots of outdoor fabric. We sewed that into bags and then filled it with dirt for portable containers to plant some of our garden in. So they have to sew the bags.

Nancy: That's interesting. So great! That is just so wonderful. I love the way that you make education be life skills. So I think you like to, you have your own passions, too, don't you?

SHOW YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO LEARN

Jessica: Yes. I'm passionate about just living more regenerative. I'm a person of many passions, I guess. There are many things I'm interested in. This is one thing that I wanted to share here. A couple of years ago, that was a real revelation to me.

I wanted to then, I had thought that it was a little like me, pouring in from my bucket into my children. In some way, also, giving up, and putting myself on hold, and what I was really interested in. And doing it all for the children and putting them into the center.

But then I read something. It kind of totally shifted my paradigm in that area for me. I read about how you can lead your children, and inspire your children, when you, yourself, are doing something. Like when you are passionate about learning new things.

I like to write, and I put that aside for a long, long, time. Because I said “Well, I don't have a lot of time for it.” But when I started doing little things, and writing, then my children, too. My daughter, she started wanting to write too, or just sit next to me, and write too.

You see, it's inspiring when they see you do something. I started realizing that I can best inspire my children when I pursue things in my own life too. So when I'm excited to read books about things I want to learn, then . . . They don't have to learn everything that I'm learning, but they see me learning. That's inspiring.

Nancy: They want to learn too! So they want to get a book to find out what they're interested in.

Jessica: Yes, because to them, I model that when I want to find something out, or when I want to become something, then this is the way you do it. Then you go ahead, and you learn. I watch videos, or I take a course, or I read books, or I meet with somebody, or invite somebody into our home to share with us, or to show us things.

So to them, it's like creating this pathway in their mind, this is how learning looks like. This is how we switch from just me trying to fill their buckets for the moment, getting them to learning all these academics, then having fun the rest of the day. To really making it a focus of inspiring the desire to be a life-long learner.

DISCUSS  THINGS TOGETHER AT THE TABLE

Nancy: Yes. That's what it's all about. Education is preparing them for life, giving them an excitement about learning. I think we have to get rid of that concept that our children go to school for a certain number of years. Because that's not how it's meant to be. It's meant to be that we learn life.

We keep learning, and we're going to keep learning every day of our lives! I know many of you homeschoolers, I think you learn so much as you're homeschooling your children. In fact, what we impart to others is really what we keep. So we are imparting to the children, and then we need to encourage them to pass on their skills too. Because the more they pass on, the more they're going to keep. That's a little blessing circle.

I think if we teach our children this way, and we're not just thinking, “Oh, they just have to do these certain books, and they've got to get through these particular lessons.” So many times, it can be so boring to them.

Of course, there's certain things that they must have a basic knowledge in, and they must know. We have to encourage that discipline to know those things, but we also need to give them that opportunity of learning while they're doing and learning while they're going. And learning while they're sitting talking to us. And just learning for life.

A great idea is, when you're having suppertime in the evening, and you're all around the table together. You love to have family conversation. I think that's a very important thing that we do remember that when we have a meal, when we have supper with our children. It’s not only to feed them some food for their hungry tummies.

At the table, we don't only feed our children physically. We feed their soul, and their spirit. We feed their soul as we have that communication together. We talk with one another. To do that, we need to be purposeful, because otherwise I find that, sometimes, if you're not purposeful, the conversation doesn't go anywhere. You talk about nothing.

Sometimes you have to ask a question. Other times, you bring a subject to the table and say, “Children, what do you think about this?” And get them to talk about this subject, which could be something from the Bible, or political, or spiritual, or geographical, about some country, or whatever. Or just some interesting thing.

But here's a good little question for homeschoolers. You could say to your children and do it every now and then. “Now, children, I want every one of you to tell me something new that you have learned today.” So we go round the table, and each child has a turn, plus Mommy and Daddy, because they want to hear from us, too! And we can't be excused.

So we each have to tell something new that we have learned. Because I'm a great believer in learning something new every day. What about you, Jessica?

Jessica: Yes, very much.

Nancy: I think that's a great goal to have, to learn something new every day. Not to get through your lessons because you can get . . . Children can go through their lessons and they haven't remembered one thing!

So, we get around the table, “OK, children,” and each one has a turn. Now, if each of your children cannot tell you something new that they have learned, well, it might be a good idea to change your way of teaching. You see, we're better to learn just one new thing, than try and have a whole lot of lessons. It's such a . . . Learning something that becomes part of you. That's real education.

When they can share about it, then it will become even more part of them, when they share about it, and communicate it. Maybe you could integrate that into your whole vision for your educating of your children. And for yourself. 

Learn as a family. Myself, and each of the children, just seeking to learn, just one new thing every day. Even if it's one new word. Sometimes it will be a practical thing, other times it may be some little snippet of knowledge.

Or even a new word to teach your children in their vocabulary. Because that's another thing, we don't want our children to become dumbed down. We want them to be advancing, also, in their vocabulary. What do you think about that, Jessica?

Jessica: Yes, I agree. So we actually also have a daily time where we discuss. We try to have family meals. Well, we and our family try to have family meals three times a day.

Nancy: Absolutely! Amen!

Jessica: In the morning and evening. Most of the time, in the morning, my husband is there, too. He shares from the Scriptures. We discuss, discuss not in the sense of questioning, not in the negative sense. We discuss, what is God speaking to us? Sometimes we look up the specific word. We find that it's really guiding our conversation.

We also have book discussions where we read together as a family, we read a classic together. Then we talk about it. It's a great way to guide conversation at home, and to re-instill and re-affirm values that we live. We can talk about, “Oh, what do you think about how they handled this situation? Would you have liked to be with this grandfather?”

All kinds of things can come up in these conversations. We get to really, I think, live the lives of others, and see through the eyes of others, and learn so many lessons by doing this.

Nancy: Oh, yes! That's so true. Often, I will say . . . Of course, my children are all grown, and I would do this from time to time when they were growing up. Not all the time, but even now, when I have a few young people living in our home, I will say, “All right, this evening I want you to bring a poem to the table to read.”

Maybe sometimes it would be that everyone has a turn. Other times, I would ask one particular person to bring a poem to read at the table tonight.” They can read it, say why they chose it and like it, and we can all discuss it.

You can think of lots of little things you can do. Maybe even a book they're reading. Ask them “OK, Johnny, tonight, you know that book you're reading? I want you to find one paragraph in that book that you really like and read it to us tonight at the table.” Then you can all talk about it.

You can think of loads of things like that to do. You can even spice up your meal tables and make them more exciting too. Do you have any different things you do at meal tables? Of course, apart from your family devotions and the Word of God. Because that's when we get to the end of our meal and feed the spirit of our children, which is the most important part. But communication and conversation are very important. There are so many fun things we can do to spice that up. Do you do anything like that?

Jessica: Well, one thing I like to do, and this is not so much about talking. It's more about presenting. In Germany, we have this thing, “I eat with you.” So I make it a thing to make every time our family table to make it beautiful.

I'm not so much of a tablecloth person, but we do tablecloths. We try to do it in the evening. But still, we decorate our table. We put fresh fruits, even just for decoration, in between our foods and sometimes the kids bring flowers and leaves.

They get excited about us spending that time together. We all make it in a way that we can stay together for the entire meal. It's like our family time together. It’s not just to grab food.

Nancy: That's right

Jessica: You know, to be together.

Nancy: Yes. And I think if you think of these little extra things, that it helps them to want to stay and talk about them. I think it's great when the children themselves are actually decorating the table.

We can get them to have turns, you know. OK, it's their turn for tonight. Or maybe they have a week where it's their turn. They can think of all the most creative things that they want to bring each night. They can bring something different to the table to decorate it, or to put on it as something. “OK, I want us to talk about that tonight.”

So let's be creative. Always think about new things that we can do. I think that's a great fun thing to do for the table.

ENCOURAGE THE CHILDREN TO PLAY CREATIVELY

Getting back to little ones, because you've got all ages, you've got 12, 10, 6, and 3, little Miriam, she's just little. I think at that age, they love to play. To me, play is a very important thing for children. I used to love to give my children opportunity to play creatively. Just to enjoy playing.

They didn't . . . not so much with toys. I think toys are so boring. I mean, what do you do with this toy? You have to just sort of play with it, then you're sick of it after a few minutes.

But actually, I used to love to watch my children. They would be so intent. I can remember when Serene was a little girl. Sometimes she'd have her friend over. They would rearrange my whole lounge and dining room. They would get all the chairs and line them up because it was going to be a train.

They had all these things that they were doing. Maybe they would be making a castle. I would always keep two things. I always kept in my home. One was a dress-up box. I still have my dress-up box, because the children love to dress up. Of course, the girls, they love to dress up as princesses.

I didn't always have beautiful princess dresses for them. I had curtains, and old sheets, and material. Oh goodness me, they could just make themselves look amazing! And creative. But you know, the girls were still a princess or a queen. They'd dress up like that.

I'd have another place where they'd have old sheets and eiderdowns which they could use and get out to make huts and castles. Of course, they'd have to get all my furniture and chairs around to fix them. Sometimes they'd play for a whole morning, getting ready to make it for something special. By the time they had finished creating, they were so worn out. I'd give them lunch, and they'd go to bed to sleep.

But their being so busy working on this thing, that it was play, but it was really . . . it was intense work! What do you think about play?

Jessica: Yeah. Well, I'm fascinated sometimes when I watch my children. They spend forever making this great fort, and then by the time it's done . . .

Nancy: They don't play in it!

Jessica:  They are done!

Nancy: They don't actually ever play in it! The whole work, well, actually, it was work. But play is meant to be work, and work is meant to be play. It was all getting it, making it, wasn't it? That's what my children would do. They'd be worn out when they were finished, but never actually played in the thing. Or ever play in the special hut they made. But oh, they spent hours preparing it.

Jessica: Yes, yes. When I was a young mother, we used to buy a lot of toys and all kinds of stuff, things. Because we wanted, after three miscarriages, we wanted the best of the best for our child. But the truth is, he never really played with any of it.

All he played with, he would take down part of the little plastic table, and he would remove the legs and stick them together and make a little pretend, like a leaf floor. He would go around and put the Hoover pipe on it and pretend he was going to blow the leaves in the neighborhood.

Over the years, we really downsized on toys. Our children have never really missed anything, Sometimes I'm scared to see that we don't really use toys, because it seems weird in our society today. There's so many for sale.

But the things my children enjoy to play with most, is sticks, blankets, balls, and anything they can make themselves. And when they are little, they love to have my pots and bowls from the kitchen .

Then when I put some little rice in there, or some little flour, or even sand, and maybe, what, it depends on how ready I am for another day for mess. Just to put it there and give them some mixing spoons, oh, they can spend hours, to fill it from pot to pot to pot and stir it and pretend to cook it and serve it into little bowls.

PLAY IS WORK AND WORK IS PLAY

Nancy: Yes, and cardboard boxes, and things like that. It's amazing what they can make with these things. They are very creative if we give them the opportunity. I've got a few quotes about play here.

“Play is our brain's favorite way of learning. The opposite of play is not work. It's suppression.” Because that is true, I believe. I find you can be working so hard, but if you love what  you're doing, it's like play, isn't it? That's what life is meant to be like. We're meant to, as we work, it's just such fun, that we're really playing!

In fact, I think that we should even see our motherhood like this. Not, “Oh, it's hard work.” I just can't believe the attitudes that many mothers have, that they always seem to have this very negative thing. “Oh, I'm so overwhelmed! It so hard work.”

I believe we've just got to change our attitude! See, motherhood is fun! You have children around you who love to have fun! They want life to be fun. They love to play. Also, as they see you, where you are, what are you doing? Even the dishes, even the work of cleaning around the house. See it as play. You can make work into play. It all depends on your attitude. Work can become playing. Play can become work.

Another quote says: “You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.” I love that one.

“Children come into the world exquisitely designed, and strongly motivated to educate themselves. Coercion undermines their natural desire to learn.”

Oh, that is so true. Our children do love to learn. And they love to learn what they're interested in. If it's something that is not related to them, it's often too hard to get them really motivated. But they will be motivated to do anything that they're interested in. That takes sighting. As we let them do that, we begin to see where their bent is, and where their giftings are. Each one will be so different.

Let me see, what else have I got here? “We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” That's a famous one, isn't it? But yes, this is what you were saying, Jessica. Children don't need more toys. They need more adventures. Yes! I know you love to take your children on adventures, don't you?

Jessica: Yes, I'm an adventurer myself. But it wasn't always like that. Or I should say, I didn't always allow myself to be an adventurer, even as a mother.

In my early years, I thought that I had to fit into a certain mold of mother. Like my house had to look a certain way, and I had to do certain things. I felt like there were all these outside expectations. But really, they were just in my mind.

There was really nobody who came and said, “Well,  you should have a different set of dishes.” Or “Your house should be looking like this or that.” They were just things that I put onto myself.

Sometimes we end up comparing ourselves so much to others that we lose our own selves. It's so important to discover, or rediscover, who we are. What makes us play. You know, for me, doing projects is play. Maybe it's not for you. Maybe art is play. Or maybe music is play. We don't all look the same, so our motherhood and our homeschooling too, will not look the same.

Nancy: Yes. Oh, Jessica, you've hit on something that is so true. Dear precious ladies, you don't have to mother like everyone else! You mother according to who you are, and who God created you to be. That's how you will mother the best.

I look at my own daughters. Many of you have got to know them through Above Rubies, and of course, through Trim Healthy Mama. But I look at the way Evangeline, the way Pearl, the way Serene have mothered their children through the years.

And each one of them, they mother differently from each other. I mean, those three girls are the greatest ,closest friends, they're not just sisters, they're friends! But they are all so different! And they all mother so differently. They all run their homes so differently. Each one of us are different.

The things that . . . I have to give you a little confession here. I actually don't like playing board games. They bore me to tears! I'd rather be doing something constructive.

And yet, so many people just love them! And that's so great, and they have wonderful times with their families playing board games. So if you love that, you just make it a wonderful thing with your family.

I just had to do it out of kindness. Well, yes, you have to do it. I didn't like it. But there were other things that I love doing! So I would love doing them with my family. The things that you love doing are going to be more fun that you do with your family, because you love doing them, so you want to put more passion into them. Isn't it true?

Jessica: Yeah, I think one lesson that was very important for me to learn was to move away from motherhood obligations to motherhood passion. It's a choice. It's a choice. It's a choice for us to embrace motherhood.

I’M NOT GIVING UP ANYTHING TO BE A MOM

It took me a while to realize that I'm not giving anything up to be a mom. I'm not missing out on anything. But actually I'm set free to spend that time to have the greatest impact on the lives that are being entrusted to me during that season.

But also to go through a phase of becoming, because I think children, the best way to disciple children, is childhood. And then spend within the setting of the family. The best place for us to be discipled as parents, as adults, is really parenthood, motherhood, and fatherhood.

Because that is where we see what is really important in life, areas we need to grow into, the importance of guarding, discovering who we really are, and what we stand for. What we enjoy doing. What are our gifts to the world? And then to learn to live them, and to grow into them. Yeah.

Nancy: Yes, so lovely. Thank you,  Jessica, for all these beautiful things you have shared with us. We've been talking about life learning and how wonderful it is.

Of course, in all our life learning, we're going to be bringing God into it all, because He's part of every part of life. He's part of play, He's part of nature, He's part of everything little thing they learn, everything that we want to teach them, God is in it, so He will be preeminent in everything we're teaching them. Of course, underlying all these wonderful things, and projects, and life learning, we're going to teach our children, we will also make sure that we are diligently, and richly, filling them with God's Word.

That also doesn't happen in great big lessons. No, even God's Word, He wants us to do it, little by little. That's what He says: “I want you to teach My Word diligently to your children.” When? When you rise up. When you're sitting down and talking together. When you're riding in the car. When you're lying down. Whatever you're doing, it's just part of life.

So we've got to get the Word into us, so that we've got it there to be able to teach to our children at any moment. I love these words in Isaiah 28:9-12, “Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breast. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”

That's a beautiful concept. You see, God is showing here the greatest way to learn is just, here a little, there a little. Precept upon precept. Just a little precept, but then another one on top of it. And another one on top of it. It's all going in. But it's just little by little.

And then it goes on to say, “This is the rest, and this is the refreshing.” This is the way to teach our children that is restful and refreshing. That's how He wants us to be. He wants it to be a refreshing thing for us, a refreshing thing for our children. So He shows us the way to do it. Little by little, line upon line, precept upon precept.

So you don't have to get bogged down and think, “I have to get through every one of these lessons today!” No! Live life and teach at the same time. Any last little to thing to add, Jessica, as we close?

Jessica: Yes, well, I learn as much every day, both through the Scripture and also the life we live, and the lessons we go through, as much as they do. So we learn alongside each other.

It's not that I know it all, and they learn. But even when we go through the Bible, I learn as much as they do. That really is what makes learning fun, and family life together like this fun.

Nancy: Amen!

“Oh, thank You, Father, for the way You show us how to nurture our children and raise our children. We thank You that it is such a beautiful thing, to enjoy them, to live life with them, to do things together with them.

Oh, God, I pray that, Lord, the precious mothers who feel very bogged down with all the responsibility, that You will lift them up, and You will give them a vision of how to enjoy their children, Lord, just as You do.

It tells us in your Word how You rejoice over us with singing. You delight in us, Lord. Help us rejoice over our children, to delight in them. And to enjoy teaching them and living life with them. That it will become our rest and become our refreshing. We ask it in the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.”

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Jessica has two articles in the current Above Rubies, #98.

MY PATH TO HEALING

CHARACTER BUILDING PRAYER BOX

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FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 126: MOTHERHOOD AND LIFE LEARNING

Jessica Ajayi joins me today to speak about her journey of motherhood (having to leave home as a teenager to survive on her own, to now establishing a beautiful family life), and how she teaches skills to her children that will prepare them for life.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, From Our Home to Yours, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello beautiful ladies. Here I am again. And I have another visitor with me today. Well, a dear friend. I shouldn't just say a visitor! But I've asked Jessica to come and talk with me today. Her name is Jessica Ajayi. Did I get it right?

Jessica Ajayi: Yes.

Nancy: I did! Amazing! It's a little hard to say her last name because it's Nigerian. Jessica is actually from Germany and her husband is from Nigeria. They have four most beautiful children. They have Samuel, who's 12, Priscilla is 10, Moses is 6, and the most beautiful little, gorgeous, cute Miriam. She is 3.

Anyway, Jessica, she's such a beautiful mother. In fact, she has an Instagram, which is called BEAUTIFUL MOTHERHOOD.  If you want to go to it, its Beautiful_Motherhood. You will get so blessed as she shares her heart there about motherhood. I love going to your page, Jessica. They're always so wonderful and the pictures you use are so wonderful too.

I hope you go to my Instagram too, which is Above Rubies, but it's actually _ Above_Rubies_. There are three underscores in mine for Instagram. So go there where I seek to encourage you in your wonderful role of  motherhood too.

Because this is what we're all about. We're just wanting to encourage you in your great career of mothering which the greatest career that you could have! Ladies, there is not one career in this whole nation that is more powerful, and more impacting, and more generational, and more eternal, than the career of mothering. Oh!

Anyway, we're going to talk about it today. So, good to have you with us, Jessica! Hi!

Jessica: Hi! Thank you. It's my pleasure.

Nancy: Yes, and so, Jessica, tell us how you started on your motherhood journey. Jessica has an interesting story, because, well, she didn't really start out in her own early years of being mothered herself. So she's had to find it out as she's gone along, and God is showing her so much. But I think it would be good to go back to the beginning a bit so the women can really feel your heart, Jessica.

Jessica: Yeah. So I grew up in Germany in a family where we were materialistically well off but there was another side to our life. There was a lot of hurt and pain, and a lot of dysfunction and violence. Just a lot of negative things.

My parents were not believers, even though they professed to be. But we did not read the Bible, we didn't go to church, never prayed. There was nothing that would resemble Christianity. So I didn't know what the Christian life actually looked like.

There was no homeschooling.  Homeschooling is illegal in Germany. There was a lot of separation between the life of my parents and our lives. My parents did many things like gardening or cooking, you know, like all these hands-on life skills. But we never saw them, so I was never prepared in any of them when I started at 17 on my own journey...

Nancy: Yes! Can I interrupt there? Didn't you just have to go out on your own and look after yourself at that age and even finish your education all by your little self?

Jessica: Yes. So at that point, my father was into alcoholism. There was a lot of violence at home. I lived in fear for my life, being at home. I had to leave, so I left. I was still going to school, and at that age, in Germany, I could not officially get work.

I couldn't get any help from the government because my father said, “Everything's fine” at home. So I got no support from anywhere. But I was determined to, under great hardship, to finish my education. For almost two years, it was so tough for me. There was literally no money for me to buy food. So I just ate . . .

Nancy: I think she ate air, didn't she? What did you eat in those days?!

Jessica: Well, I didn't know even how to cook anything, so even if it was cheap, I didn't know how to prepare anything, not even potatoes! I was scared to boil potatoes! (laughter) I didn't know what I thought that could go wrong, but I didn't know just how to do it.

So what I did was, I just bought flour, white flour, because it was very cheap. I just had literally coins to buy my food. Then I would mix it with water. When I had a little bit more money, I bought sugar, and I would just pop it in the microwave. That's what I ate.

Nancy: Oh, that is hard to believe!

Jessica: That is how my journey into adulthood started. Yeah, I became . . . I got married...No, first I got saved, in my early 20's. I had encountered God several times throughout my life. And I think that really gave me strength to walk though all kinds of challenges.

Then in my early 20's, I got saved, and my life really became quite different. I started being involved with Christian families. That's where I really started to see, what does a healthy family life look like?

I didn't have to just learn things in my mind, but I could just imitate. I could watch mothers just do simple things. Make their home, talk to their children, have a conversation. Things I had not experienced.

Yeah, from there I went to college and had many other families from different countries that I had the privilege to live with and learn from. Being nurtured, actually. I felt like I was again being a child during that time. I could be nurtured, and I could receive some of the things I had not received when I was growing up.

And then I got married when I was 24. The first few years were a challenge in the sense that we were ready to start a family, but I had been having miscarriages. And then we were told that we couldn't actually have children.

Nancy: And didn't you eventually find out it was because you were so malnourished because you'd been eating a bit of flour and water for so many years? How did that all work out?

Jessica:  Yes. So after three miscarriages, our doctor told us we should think of a permanent way to use contraception because it would just continue the same way.

God had showed me early, when we got married, a dream where I saw myself with five or six children. So I had the hope that we would have children. I didn't doubt that any bit, no matter, even as I kept on having miscarriages. I just knew somehow; I had that hope that God would give us children. That was our purpose to be together.

So as the doctor told me that we wouldn't have children, and there was really . . . they had done examinations. When I had a miscarriage, they actually tried to find out what was the reason. They said they couldn't find anything wrong, my body not being able to nurture a life. I looked back at what I had been eating, how I had been living, you know.

I started making radical changes, specifically adding nutrient-dense foods. Lots of fruits and vegetables, lots of foods rich in nutrition. My diet. And prayer! And I conceived. I never, in my four pregnancies, had any problems whatsoever. I had uncomplicated births, uncomplicated pregnancies.

Nancy: That's so great! So then you entered your journey of motherhood. I guess you had to learn all by yourself because you hadn't grown up knowing that nurturing anointing. So how did that all come about?

Jessica: I had always enjoyed watching documentaries from all around the world, like different countries. I would specifically be interested in documentaries about family life, people living together, community life, this kind of thing. From there, I had a lot of ideas.

I also had worked for some time in a women's hospital where women actually came to . . . it was a private small hospital where women came to deliver their babies. So I had watched several women over the course of weeks with their babies, how they would act.

There was one woman in particular that stood out to me. She was just so confident. She actually lived in our neighborhood when I grew up. She was so different from the norm. Everything she did was just so resonating with me, it felt so right. I could see how she was in tune with her body. She was in tune with every process around the birth. She was in tune with her baby.

She would just, she didn't care what the nurses said, that she had to feed at this time, and this much, and then this side, and then that side. But she would just go with her instinct. And that really spoke to me.

When I became a mother, at first, I was bombarded with good advice, and books and what not. I read all the things that people said. In our society today, you know, how you should structure everything and organize yourself. It didn't really speak to me. It didn't feel right.

When I had my firstborn, I think after two days I just tossed everything out. I would just listen to my heart. I would just trust my intuition, and trust. Women have been doing this for thousands of years, all around the world, without somebody having to come and give you all these instructions. And you have to memorize all kinds of schedules. I just decided to go with what I feel feels right.

Nancy: So you started early on the right track. That's so wonderful! I remember when I started motherhood. I actually also started on all these crazy four-hour schedules because that was the thing, back in New Zealand.

We used to have the Plunket Nurse. She used to come around every week to check on every mother. Oh, it was terrible! It was like the principal of the school coming into your room. It was so awful! And they'd come to check whether you were doing it all right.

They used to say you had to keep to this four-hourly schedule. It never worked! Oh, I can remember, as a new mother, my precious little baby, he was meant to wait four hours before I could feed him. He was screaming! I was just about screaming. “Oh, what am I going to do?” It was so ridiculous.

So I realized you've got to go with what you feel and what your babies need. I read a little quote way back then, and I've never forgotten it. I believe it's so true. There was a doctor, and he said these words. He said,

“There is more in a mother's intuition that all the

 books you'll ever read.”

That is so true.

You know, dear mothers, go with your heart as you're mothering. Go with your intuition as a mother, because so many of these ideas, and these rules, and these schedules that are put upon mothers, they're man-made. They don't come from that heart, that nurturing heart. If you go with that, you'll be great! You'll be a great mother, don't you think?

Jessica: Yeah, I was just remembering too, that I used to be fascinated with native and indigenous culture. Then I looked at the things I was presented with, like all these strict schedules and rules. Then I thought, you know, these mothers, they managed to mother their children without all this.

Nancy: Yes.

Jessica: So you know, I just decided right there to go with my instinct. However, there was one area where I struggled at first. That was sleeping. I had been told how to get up in the night and nurse my baby, and then, all these rules that I fulfilled for a time, actually for a month at home. I would have to get up and wake my baby up to eat, and then nurse one side, and then make sure that he burped. That literally took forever!

Nancy: It was terrible! You're not getting any sleep.

Jessica: Yeah. And then I had to change his diaper in between the feedings. Then I had to feed from the other side. If he was sleeping, I had to make sure that he was wide awake. So I had to wake him up, and I had to make sure that he burped again. By the time all this was over, I literally didn't get any sleep before I was ready to feed again!

Another thing was, they always said we should put the baby in the crib, and then go into another room and sleep there. I just remember that he was crying and crying. Then all this theory, he would calm himself. Well, long story short. It didn't feel right to us. It didn't give me peace.

I just ended up taking him with me to bed and creating a safe space where he could sleep so none of us would roll over him. That did fine. That has worked for me for all four children. I have had the most beautiful early baby seasons ever since.

Nancy: Well, that actually revolutionized motherhood for me too, Jessica. You know, I had to do all this trying to get them sleeping through the night, doing all that kind of feeding. When I came to that place of, “Oh, I'm going to take this baby to bed with me,” because this baby was just such a screamer! I mean he just screamed and screamed all night! We thought something was wrong with him.

The amazing thing was, when I took him to bed with me, he never screamed again! He just needed me. You know, you learn how to do it in a safe way. We never had the baby between us. He was always on my side.

You learn how to do it. And life, it just becomes so wonderful! Your baby can then nurse on and off throughout the night, which a breastfeeding baby needs to do.  They continue nursing through the night. They need that. You also can sleep, You can sleep while they're doing it, even!

In fact, often my husband would often wake up in the morning and say, “Well, is the baby here?” Because you just put them in their little bed by our bed. Then when they first wake, you bring them in, and that was it for the rest of the night.

He would say, “Is the baby here?” And I would say, “Oh yes, here he is.” I slept, baby slept, everybody slept. Oh! It's just so relaxing!

Jessica: I think my husband, he is a very light sleeper. He got less sleep than me because he would wake up. I actually wouldn't even fully wake up when the baby would nurse. I would just kind of do it automatically and then keep on sleeping!

Nancy: Oh, yes! So anyway, your children grew, and then you had thought about schooling. I know you homeschool now. So how did you get on to that? Because you'd never known much about that growing up in Germany.

Jessica: Yeah. So I was introduced to homeschooling when we first came into the US, probably about ten years ago. My son was close to three years old, my oldest. My first reaction to homeschooling was, I thought it was ridiculous! I was really offended.

There was a family that thought we'd like to know about homeschooling because we like to live an alternative lifestyle. I just thought, “How could somebody homeschool their children? I'm not a teacher. How could I do that?” I was just really, yeah, challenged.

Then I decided to look into this. I started watching videos, documentaries from families that did homeschooling. And I started to realize that it's actually not about the professional teacher, but it's about doing life together. And that it is indeed very possible for a parent to teach their children in many, many different areas.

Also, I realized that academics is not the only part in homeschooling. There are many different areas of homeschooling. So I decided since my son was only, well by then, he was four. He would have gone to something like pre-K or kindergarten. I did not want to put him into anywhere. So I decided, “Well, I cannot do too much wrong at that age, so let me just give it a try.”

So I got the little curriculum, and we just did arts and crafts together, and baked cookies, and things like that. Then when he got to first grade, I just did the same thing. I looked for a homeschooling organization that would grade for me. I was scared of grading at first because I was still a little bit intimidated.

So they would actually send me all the material, and the teacher's guides. There were little tests that I felt comfortable with at that time. I just felt like I can do my part, but I have somebody else who can then satisfy, somehow, that what you're doing is the right thing.

And then year by year, it just evolved from there, and I grew into it, and become more confident. Over the years, you discover what type of homeschooling is really right, and resonates most with us and our lifestyle.

Nancy: So what do you find is best for you, Jessica?

Jessica: I'm a person who likes to do lots of projects, do it yourself, like discover things in another . . . I'll look for new recipes, things like that. So, a mix of home and unschooling. I would say Charlotte Mason inspires. Leadership education focus. Kindling a passion for learning at the center. I guess that describes best what our homeschool looks like and what we enjoy.

Nancy: Yes, something I noticed about your children is they have a love for books. I think you have a love for books too, don't you? So how have you given them that love for reading and love for books, because you know, you've not only got girls, you've got boys. Often boys, they're too busy to look at books. But I notice they even enjoy them too. How have you inspired that in them?

Jessica: Yeah. So my son, he loves to read books. My oldest son and my young son too. He loves it. I read them to him. This is one of the keys to reading. You know, you can only read to them interesting things that you go into yourself.

I love reading. I read to my children, and I have always read to my children. Even when they were babies, I would read out loud things that I read. As they grew, I would make it this thing every day...

Nancy: Whatever you were reading, even if it was something that didn't relate to children, it was something you were trying to learn, or interested about, you'd just read it out loud to them.

Jessica: Yes, when they were babies, yes. They didn't understand the content, but the fact that I was reading to them. Yes, there's something that, ever since they existed, basically, that they have experienced. It's something that feels normal to them.

Yeah, every day now too, I spend time to read to my little ones. I read for 30 minutes in the morning, more or less. Sometimes it's time in the afternoon, and sometimes in the evening. They eventually wait, when they have time, when they see me relaxing somewhere, they come with their piles of books. “Mom, read this to me! Read that to me!”

We also make it a must to go to the library at least every two weeks. We literally need to bring baskets. The librarian . . . They surround books, and, yes, they are consumed with their books.

One thing that I discovered is, it's also essential to focus on what kind of books. So we focus on classics, because classics, true classics, are books that have spoken to many people over a large period of time. They have touched people's lives. They have very good values in them.

Also, all the classics, all the books we read, are in line with our faith. We don't read anything that's either fluff, or anything that is not completely reaffirming the values that we want to lead our children to live.

Nancy: Yes, now I guess, you would find, you would have to really sort through at the library, because I find there's a lot of junk at the library too. So how do you do that? Do you find all the ones that you want?

Jessica: So, I have a couple of organizations that have book lists. That makes it a lot easier, because these organizations, one is Thomas Jefferson Education, TJEd.org. They have a classic list for children.

The other one is a homeschooling curriculum. It's called The Good and the Beautiful. They also have a free download of a file on their website, with literally 200 or 300 books that are all in line with the Christian values. Deep and meaningful stories, yeah.

Nancy: That's really good! I'd like you to say those two places where they could get that list again. So if you're listening doing dishes, but you want to get that in your mind, tell them again, Jessica, clearly, so they can remember it, to look it up.

Jessica: So one is TJEd.org. It's a homeschooling approach. It's not the actual curriculum, but they have a site where you can find classic books for children in the different ages, and also for adults. 

The other organization is The Good and the Beautiful. It's an actual homeschooling curriculum, a very beautiful one. I love their free downloads. It’s a free download with book recommendations, literally hundreds of book recommendations.

Nancy: That's so great to know about that! Can you find them all at the library, or have you had to purchase some of them?

Jessica: Yeah, sometimes we buy some of them. The good thing, when you go into classics, they're often not very expensive.

Nancy: Yes, so have you got a big library at home?

Jessica: We have a good-sized library, yes.

Nancy: How big is that?

Jessica: Well, a few hundred. (Nancy laughing)

Nancy: So where do you keep them all? Do you have bookshelves for them all?

Jessica: I actually built bookshelves. So these are all the projects that I do with the kids. We try to really live frugal. On the other hand, also teaching our children skills. I don't go to try to find skills somewhere outside, but I look in my home, what needs to be done, what could we learn how to do? We've learned how to build furniture, including bookshelves.

Nancy: That's really great. How many bookshelves do you have?

Jessica: We have probably seven.

Nancy: Yes, and you built them all yourself?

Jessica: Five of them.

Nancy: That's great! Did the children help you?

Jessica: Yes!

Nancy: So tell us how you taught them.

Jessica: When I started building furniture, it was kind of a need, because my husband did not have a lot of income. We needed more shelves. So we had wood. There are always people who just dump things, so we got free wood. So I looked  at, “How could I turn this wood into a shelf?” I can learn how to do that. People learn this, right?

While I learned, I always invite the children. There's a principle. Whatever I do, I always invite them to come and to look. Then they often love to participate. They hardly can even wait to get to help.

So when they are a little, I would hold the drill, and I would let them hold it with me. And then as they get older, then they will hold it, and I'm there. I'm close by. My hand is right next to them. They're just kids, you know.

Then, as they get older, they can handle it by themselves, so I just watch from a distance. Then as they prove themselves, and they're being more confident handling tools, I just trust them, and let them work by themselves.

Nancy: That is so great! So at an early age, they are learning how to actually do things and be practical.

So Samuel, he's your oldest now, at 12. So how old was he when he could use a saw, and use a drill? And actually sort of begin able to make something?

Jessica: I think he was probably six or seven. Although the electric drill, like the electric saw, the jigsaw, I didn't trust for him until he was probably eight.

Nancy: What about a hand saw?

Jessica: Oh yeah.

Nancy: See, that's so amazing, Jessica. Because there, unfortunately, there are teenage boys who don't even know how to hold a drill or use a saw at their age! Yet, if you start them young, and show them how, they're capable. I think that's just one of the sad things today about the way we're raising children.

We're raising, so many parents are just raising little children. And they keep them little children! Whereas we are meant to be raising children to be adults, and to learn how to do things! So I just love that!

I think that's just so, I hope that inspires you, lovely mums, that we have to even take risks with our children too, to let them do things. If we don't ever let them do things, they'll always need mommy there to help them, and hold them. Goodness, they just stay little wimps!

With our sons, we're trying to raise men who know how to do things. I'm just amazed at how many young people don't even know how to do basic things.

So what else is Samuel . . . Well, he's built things on his own, hasn't he? Tell us!

Jessica: Yes. He built himself a loft bed. He wanted to have a little fort, so he built it all by himself. He told me; this was probably now six months ago. He told me, “Mom, I do so many things together with you, under your supervision. I want to build this all by myself.”

Nancy: Yes. And how old is he now?

Jessica: He's twelve.

Nancy: So this is what he's doing at this age. OK?

Jessica: Yes. I said, “OK, draw the plan and tell me what you want to do, and then do it! If you need me, I'm there.” And he did. So he has this loft bed upstairs, as his bed. Downstairs he has a little, looks like a little loft cabin even. That's his little hide-out.

Nancy: Oh, how wonderful that you've given him the liberty to do that. I think that's wonderful! One day you were telling me about how Samuel made this thing for taking his shoes off. What do you call those things? I don't even know what you call them.

Jessica: I don't know too, but he read about it in one of his favorite books, and he saw that he always messed the floor with his dirty boots. He said, “Mom, I just . . . ” Well, he actually came with this made thing. I don't know what you call it too. Shoe off taker? I don't know. (Laughter)

So anyway, he came with it. I was like, “What is this?” He said, “Well, I read about it in the classic, and I googled it.” So he did his own research. And then he looked how to make it, and then he built it! And now he uses it.

Nancy: So every time he comes in... Does he put his foot into it somehow?

Jessica: No, it's like you put the back of your boot against it. And it kind of, the back of your boot gets kind of locked into it, and then you just step out of your boot.

Nancy: You know what? I'm going to get him to make me one. (Laughter) Because I'm always having to try and take my boot off with my other boot or reach down with my hand. I would  think, “Oh, it would be so great to have something that automatically took them off!”

Maybe he'll go into business making them! Oh my, you're listening to this, maybe you'll send in an order! And soon we'll have Samuel in business! Actually that's how you get into business, isn't it? You start making something, and someone wants it, and then someone else wants it, and you can get a web page! Wow! That's exciting!

Well, I'm going to talk to him about that. Tell us about some other things. Has he made any other things?

Jessica: Yeah, he built with his sister and his little brother. They built an outdoor fort, like it was two stories. Just looked like a little shed. It even had a roof. They built a ladder to go upstairs, and they got furniture to be up there. They had like a little sunroof on the top, and a cabin underneath. They built this all by themselves.

Nancy: That is amazing! That is just so great! And so, Priscilla, she's ten. Does she like to build things too?

Jessica: Yes, she does. Yeah. So they have the mindset to do it now. They learned it from me. Whenever we need something, we look at the resources we have, and then we just make it. They come up with ideas.

They wanted to play gaga ball. We didn't have a pit. They had lots of wood, and they just designed it. It's not completely round, but it has I think six or seven corners. They just build it. So now it’s now a big deck. And they play.

Nancy: That really puts me to shame, because I want to have a gaga thing here at our place, because the young people love playing it. I think, “I've got to get someone to make it.” Well! We should have already made it! Wow! This is so inspiring.

I hope you are being inspired, but our time is going for this session. I'm going to get Jessica for our next session, and find out lots more things that you do, Jessica, with your children. How you make homeschooling such an exciting and wonderful lifestyle. Because I am aware of a lot of the things they do, and I believe that that's how we're meant to do it.

Homeschooling is not like you do it at school. Homeschooling is life education. It's teaching them life! That's more than sitting at books, and filling in answers, and doing a curriculum. It's life! It's life! So we'll get Jessica to tell a little bit more of the life things that they do in their home.

Maybe I'll just give you a little Scripture at the end. I always love to bring the Word into our podcast. But I love, oh, you know, when we read the Word, it's so practical too, isn't it?

I did a study a while back in Psalms. God has so many different Hebrew words about teaching our children. He doesn't just have one word. Actually, Deuteronomy 6:7, which we all know, as homeschoolers, is where we are to diligently teach our children.

We know what the Bible says. It tells us to teach them when we're sitting in our house, when we're walking by the way. Well, that would be maybe riding in our cars. Or when we're lying down, or when we're getting up. It's just every aspect of life. What happens while we're doing those things?

Now the word “Thou shalt diligently teach” is the Hebrew word shanan. It means “to whet, as in sharpening a sword. To pierce or to prick.” It's teaching that goes right into their inner beings and influences their life. It also is teaching that goes right into their conscience. It's teaching that keeps them from being dumbed down, but sharp.

I think, you know, that happens when we're teaching life. Because children somehow take it in more when it relates to something they're doing.

In that same Scripture, there's another word, because it says that we are to teach them diligently. And  then, we're also to talk about them. Talk about them, and that word is one of the most commonest words in the Bible, just about speaking, every day speaking. Just talking, communicating.

That's what we're meant to do when we're teaching. We're to talk about them when we're sitting down. Talk about them when we're doing something together. OK, we talk about what we're doing. And that's what Jessica's been saying. OK, she's doing something and she's talking about it with her children. Because whatever she's doing, she'll show them how to do it, so they can do it.

It's just how, I think, God wants us to teach our children. Let's pray.

“Father, we do thank You that, once again, we love to talk about all these things. How to mother, how to homeschool, how to truly raise our children, and prepare them for life.

Oh God, I pray for all the precious lovely mothers listening today. I pray that You will bless them, encourage them, inspire them. Lord, just remind them again that they are doing such a great job. Lord, they're in the very perfect will of God as they mother and nurture and train and teach their children.

We thank You that we are blessed to be mothers. In Jesus' Name, amen.”

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Jessica has two articles in the current Above Rubies, #98.

MY PATH TO HEALING

CHARACTER BUILDING PRAYER BOX

If you are not on the Above Rubies mailing list, send your name and address to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 125: SEXUAL INTIMACY AND BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES

Sherri Leiter, mother and grandmother, joins me again to share her testimony of how she revived intimacy in her marriage. It's easy to get into a boring rut. How can you get out of it? Listen in for practical ways.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, From Our Home to Yours, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello ladies. Well, today, I have back with me Sherri Leiter. You will remember that I did podcasts 122 and 123 with Sherri. Last week we talked about voting. Today, Sherri is back with me because there's something else that we wanted to talk about.

When we were at the Above Rubies retreat down in Florida, at Panama Beach, Florida, I mentioned at one of my sessions, “Now ladies, if there's anything that you'd like to share, or comment on anything I've been saying, you're welcome.”

So the next session, Sherri popped up. She shared a testimony that I felt was very important. I'm sure it will relate to many of you, especially those who maybe are just keeping on a little bit...well, maybe reaching menopause. Anyway, Sherri, thanks for coming again today. I wonder if you would just share your testimony that you shared with the ladies down there. OK?

Sherri: Well, thank you again for having me, Nancy. Sure, I would love to share my testimony. One of the comments that she made that made me think of this testimony was you encouraged us ladies to continue to pursue our husbands.

That was something that I'd actually read in one of your articles earlier, a couple of years ago. It really got me thinking, because I'm coming up on being married for 39 years. Sometimes, as we go on in our marriages, we can get into a rut. We can just kinda let things go.

We get busy with the children. We get busy with all kinds of different things. Our husbands can be busy with work , and all the things that can consume their time. We can get almost lazy with our relationship. I know I was to that point. It was a struggle. I couldn't, I don't know, even relate to my husband sometimes.

NC: You know the word you mentioned is the word “rut.” it is so easy to get into a rut, but usually when you're in a rut, you don't know you're in the rut! You're just kinda doing life, and life is taking over, really. Suddenly you don't realize, “Hey, my being with my husband, for what?”

Sherri: That's exactly right. And that's basically what happened. It also happened, there were some little hurts that were building up also, that I had let come in, that I didn't really realize. But one of the things down to my marriage that I feel is really important for couples to learn, is that the other couple, the other person's love language.

If you've not heard of of that, there's a book out there called The Five Love Languages. It's basically how people feel loved. When they're spoken to that way, if that's one of their love languages.

Well, mine happened to be physical touch. I love to be hugged. I love to have my hand held. And those were things through the years, I would tell my husband, “I'd love for your to hold my hand. I'd love for you to put your arm around me.” It just wasn't something that came naturally for him, because of the home environment he was raised in. They were not real affectionate that way.

But also it's not his love language, so that's not an easy way for him to speak. I'd kinda gotten to the point as I got older, basically as in menopause, I got to the point, “OK,well, who cares?” Right, forget it! (Nancy laughing)

It got to the point where if he wasn't reaching out to hold my hand, so what? I didn't reach out and hold his hand. It had gotten to that point where I didn't care. So it was about that time I read your article.

I also started realizing that, as my role as a wife, it didn't matter if I felt like it or not. I still needed to pursue my husband, regardless of whether he reached out to hold my hand. I reached out to hold his hand, whether I felt like it or not. I'll be very honest. Most times, I didn't feel like it.

But I've also learned through all of this, that feelings are fickle. We can't trust our feelings. We have to go on what the Word of God tells us. We have to go on truth. And the truth is, I'm committed to my husband. I'm in a covenant relationship with him, so I have to keep pursuing him.

I also learned through this whole process, and it was probably about a five-year-process, that I learned all these things. I was also expecting my husband to meet needs that only God can meet. So I really had to press in and realize how much my Father loves me.

Even if there's days when I feel like my husband doesn't love me, which he does love me, but there's those days when I feel like he doesn't love me... I know beyond the shadow of a doubt my Father does. It brought me into this relationship with God, that it doesn't matter what is going on around me. My God loves me, and that's all that matters. He meets every need.

Once I realized that, I was able to look past all the different things with my husband, and continue to pursue him. Like I said, reach out and hold his hand, and start doing things that I did back when we first got married. Put little notes in his lunch pail, like, “I miss you, and I can't wait for you to come home!” Just little fun things that  you usually do when you first got married. As you get into that rut, you stop doing those things.

It's really been interesting. It's added a new spark to our marriage. He's like, “Hey, I like having the old you back!” It's been great. It's been wonderful, and very healing.

NC: And so when you began to do that, how did you husband respond? Had he got into a rut too? Or what happened?

Sherri: Most definitely, both of us had gotten into a rut! So he realized, during that time when I stopped reaching out to hold his hand, he even made a comment one time. He was like, “You never reach out and hold my hand anymore.”

It was a time for some real honesty. For me to just go, “I gave up. I don't care anymore.” And that was a hard thing to say, and a hard place to realize that I was there. I hated it. I did not like being there. I hated feeling that way. So it was a conscious effort for him though, to really put forth more of an effort.

There's many times now, he reaches out and grabs my hand, or he reaches out and puts his arms around me. Because he realizes how important that is to me. He realized he was in a rut, that he just got used to things the way they were. It wasn't until things shifted, that he realized what we were losing, because we had got into that rut.

NC: Yes, yes. I think that's a big thing. You know, we're talking today to those who are getting a little older. Maybe you're getting into a rut. There was a time when, well, when you first get married. In those first few years, you come together. You're intimate so frequently, and then it gradually sort of fades. You get less and less, until you're in the rut!

And you realize, “Help, we're not even really being who we're meant to be.” What did God say about marriage? The very first word that He said, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” That's the picture of marriage. It's one flesh.

Where, if we're not being one flesh together, well, really we haven't got much of a marriage, because that's what marriage is. So we mustn't ever let this just fade into oblivion! It can often happen without realizing it.

I remember, I think I was really in my 60's at this time. I remember suddenly waking up to my senses and thinking, “Wow, how long is it since we came together?” If I think back then, it was so disgusting to even think about it. I think it had been a couple of months. I realized, “Wow, I'm not just in a rut, I'm down, I'm stuck in the ditch! Goodness me, this is disgusting!”

So I had to rise up and realize this is not a marriage. I had to, like you did, OK, you come to your senses. You realize, this is not right! So you begin to make changes. You begin to pursue, and you begin to love. Maybe you don't feel like it, as you said, but as you do it, because you know this is what you're meant to do, it doesn't take long until, wow, you really feel like it!

Because it's amazing what happens with your...I think a lot of things are in our thought realm. It's how we think. When you begin to think love, when you begin to think even about coming together, you begin to put it into your thoughts. You put it into your actions. Then it just gets better and better and better, and becomes part of your life again!

Sherri: Yes, I would totally agree with that. In fact, even more so what I think. A lot of times, like when we get into that rut, and you found out you were actually stuck in the ditch! We get into that, right. We're just going along and muddling along.

It's almost, when we're not coming together as husband and wife, everything seems worse. The marriage, that is the part of the marriage that, it's so intimate. It's so private. It's just a time when the world goes away.

When we don't have that in our marriage, it's really hard to say things. One of the wonderful reasons why we have a marriage is, it's a time the world can go away, and you have one another. It's that time of oneness. It also just brings together, I mean it's the perfect picture of Christ and the church, that oneness.

So when we're right in that area, everything else is just right. It just makes everything perfect.

NC:  Absolutely! It just makes such a difference in your relationship. You know, well, instead of just being bored, life is exciting and wonderful! You're talking about, and there's something else, we're going to come onto something else later in this podcast, a very practical thing.

But before we get to that, I love getting back to the Word. You mentioned that marriage is a picture of Christ and His church. I love this quote of John Piper. I think it is my most favorite quote about marriage. He said, John Piper says, “There has never been a generation whose view of marriage is high enough.” I believe that's true. I don't think I have the whole view of how God sees marriage. I don't think any of us do.

Because I don't even think we understand the fullness of the relationship of Christ and His Bride. We don't even understand that to the full. God has mandated marriage to be a picture of that. This is what God does. All these glorious things of God, even spiritual things, and even doctrinal things, God always has a practical outworking, a revelation on earth to show the reality of them.

I just was thinking of a few Scriptures this morning, as I was thinking of how we were going to talk about this together. I was going to the Song of Solomon, because this book, it can be read in a number of different ways.

It's like everything in the Word of God. There are layers and layers and layers. You can read something, and it's just so powerful and wonderful, and it speaks to you. But that's not the end of it! Another time God will bring that same Scripture to you, and there will be another layer, another depth. There's always more and more layers, and more and more depth.

Now the Song of Solomon, I love to read this book as the picture of Christ and His Bride. This is how I have always read it. There's just so much in it, as we read it this way. But it can also be read literally, as a picture of the husband and the wife. It's also a picture of God and His marriage to Israel. So it can be read in many ways. But when we just even look at it in the very natural way of the picture of the husband and wife...

Solomon 1:2 says, and it's the Bridegroom speaking, “Oh how I wish you were...” No, it's the Bride. “Oh, how I wish you would kiss me passionately, for your lovemaking...” That's actually the word in the Hebrew. In the King James it just says, “For your love is better than wine.” And we just read it over. But when you go back to the Hebrew, the word, the Hebrew word dode, it actually means lovemaking in the plural.

It goes on, verse 4, “Draw me...” The bride becomes the willing prisoner of his love. “Draw me after you. Let us hurry. May the king bring me into his bedroom chambers.” It's talking about that intimate place of lovemaking.

Chapter 4, verse 10, says, “How much better is your lovemaking than wine!” It's more intoxicating than wine. It goes on, “The fragrance of your perfume is better than spice. Your lips drip sweetness, like the honeycomb, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue.”

I often... That verse is often a challenge to me, even in the spiritual realm. Of course, it's so practical, too, but when we are reading it from a picture of Christ and His church, and Christ is saying to the Bride, He's saying to you and me... He's saying to us, as a wife, or can our husband say this to us, as a wife?

We hope this will be our language with our Heavenly Bridegroom. But can a husband say to us, “Oh, my bride, your lips are so sweet! Oh! Honey and milk just drip from your tongue.” What an amazing picture of the way we speak! Oh my.

So it's always a challenge to me. Oh my, how do I speak to my husband? I mean, can he say, “Oh darling, your words are so sweet! You just drip sweetness like the honeycomb.” Because that's what the honeycomb does. It just drips honey. And honey is sweet. That's meant to be the picture of the wife. She's always dripping sweet words to her husband. Isn't that a challenge?

Sherri: That is definitely a challenge! I would encourage you, just add onto this, how much it affects the atmosphere of the home. The children hear it, they sense it, they feel it. Yes, it's phenomenal to really get this.

NC: That's true. I do believe we are meant to be thinking of sweet words to say to our husbands continually. Always speaking sweet  things to them, calling them sweet things, thinking of more sweet words that we can say to them. That part of being the wife, the captivating intoxicating wife.

So yes, anyway, I was looking at Ezekiel 16, verse 8. This is a picture God paints of how He brought Israel into covenant with Him, into a marriage covenant. It says here... The whole of Ezekiel 16 is a beautiful picture.

He says, “And I passed by you and watched you, noticing that you had reached the age for lovemaking.” It's the same word that's used in the Song of Solomon. “'I spread my cloak over you and covered your nakedness. I swore a solemn oath to you, and entered into a marriage covenant with you,' declares the sovereign Lord. And you became mine.”

Isn't that amazing? God is showing that it was like a marriage when he brought Israel to Himself. He made a covenant with them. He gave them many, many promises and covenants. He said, “You are mine.” That is the relationship God wants with Israel. It's the relationship He wants with us, His Bride. Our God is a jealous God.

I was reminded again this morning as I was thinking about this, of the Ten Commandments. Just going back to the Ten Commandments in Exodus, chapter 20. What is the very first commandment? What is it? “I am the Lord thy God, which has brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

In other words, God is saying, “OK, I brought you out of Egypt, Israel, and I brought you into the land. I found a home for you, for you to live, because you are mine. I found your home. I provided for you.” That's what the Bible says, that God went before them, and searched out a home for them. That's what He did. “And I made you mine,” as we read in Ezekiel 16, with a marriage covenant.

Therefore He says to them, “You will have no other god but Me.” And of course, this is also to us, as his church, His Bride, how we should have no other god but him. But because, and I never thought of this before, because marriage is the picture of the relationship God has with us, it is the same with our husbands.

We should have no other god, well, no other person but him, you know, that takes more of the place of him. Apart from God. He is first place. Then our husbands. We don't have anybody else in life who takes a higher place than him, because he is the picture of God, and this relationship God has with His people. Isn't that amazing?

Sherri: Yes!

NC: It is, and so, if we look at that, “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.” Why? Because God says, “I'm married to you. Therefore, there's no one else.”

Like in the marriage vows, what does it say? “I take you,” whoever you are, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others. Be faithful only to her or him, as long as we both shall live.”

You see, that's the picture of the covenant God has made with us. He's our husband, He is our God. We belong to Him. He's made us His.

When a young couple get married, they have their wedding, they do their vows. But they're not really married yet. They're not. They're not married.

It's only as they go into the bedchamber, and they consummate their marriage. Now they are one flesh, and the husband makes his wife “mine. You are mine.” And then she is his.

As it says in the Song of Solomon, “I am my beloved's, and he is mine.” That is the relationship with Christ and the Church. But that's the relationship of the husband and the wife. We are to reveal that relationship. So we never have anybody else, even in our minds.

That's a big thing, because the enemy, he's always out to trip us up. He's out to destroy marriages. And as marriages are destroyed, firstly, it began with a thought.

Sherri: That's right.

NC: Everything begins with a thought! And therefore, even in our mind, we have to bring every thought into captivity to Christ, so that we do not allow others in. Forsaking all others, because my husband is a picture of the relationship of God and His church. I don't have any other God.

So it's very powerful. These Ten Commandments relate to the marriage. The beginning commandment is amazing. “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image... Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them; for I, the Lord thy God, am a jealous god.”

Just as a husband is jealous of his wife, or a wife jealous of her husband, that is not wrong.

Sherri: No!

NC: We are meant to be jealous of one another, because God is jealous of his bride.

Sherri: Yes!

NC: Isn't that true?

Sherrie: Yes, that's very, very, true.

NC: Yes. Jealousy is not wrong when it's a holy jealousy, where I am jealous for my husband because he is mine, and nobody else's. He is jealous for me because I belong to him, and nobody else. Just as we belong to God, and God is jealous over us. If a husband is not jealous over his wife, there's something wrong with him.

Sherri: That's right!

NC: It is so true! Yes! And then it goes on, and then, this spoke to me too, Sherri. Tell me what you think about this. “Thou shalt not take the Name of the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh His Name in vain.”

Now, this is also a picture. You see, this is the picture of the relationship. These commandments are not “Oh, thou shalt...” No! They're a picture of relationship. The relationship of God and His people, Israel. The relationship of God, of Christ, and His Bride.

And we, in our marriages, are a picture of that relationship. So here the same word comes to us. We could have it said to us, “You will not take your husband's name in vain.”

Now that is the Word of God, because we are the picture. We are showing it to everyone, how it's meant to look. And so, as we dare not take God's name in vain... Now that's not, you know people say, “Oh, you know, God this,” and “God that” Well, that is taking the Name of the Lord God in vain.

But it's more than that. It's not giving Him the honor, the honor, the reverence that's due to His holy, glorious Name. It's taking His Name lightly, so it doesn't mean anything. So it's, oh boy, how often we can do that to our own husbands.

I know that I have been guilty over the years of not honoring his name as I should, taking it lightly, maybe speaking disparagingly about him, or just criticizing him, and so on. That's taking his name in vain. What do you think about that?

Sherri: I would totally agree with you. There's nothing that a man needs more than our respect. And so I had never thought of this in the light that you're bringing up. But it is so true. Our husbands need our respect. If we're in a conversation with women, and they start bashing their husbands, we need to either leave, or put a stop to it!

NC: Exactly!

Sherri: My personality would be, I would need to say something. And say, “We need to not be speaking about our husbands this way, because they need our respect.” That's why the Scripture talks about women need love, men need respect. There's nothing higher that a man needs. So that would be taking his name in vain, by just being so casual, or like you're saying, critical, whatever it is. I have, myself, been guilty of it, far too many times.

NC: Actually, before we even get onto the vain, the word to “thou shalt not take,” do you know what the Hebrew there is? It means “thou shalt not carry.” or “thou shalt not bear the Name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

What it's saying is, that we are the image-bearers of God. We are made in His likeness and image. We are to bear His image, to reveal what God is like. Now, when we take God lightly, and we're not revealing Who He is in our lives, we are really taking His Name in vain.

It's very powerful now, when we bring that back to marriage. Are we carrying our husband's name with honor, bearing his name with honor? Or just tearing it, looking, you know, doing it in vain, just being so, as you use the word, “casual.”

“Casual” means to  take it in vain, means to take it lightly, to not really take it seriously. How easily we can bear our husband's name in vain! So it's worthless, not hold it up in honor. Oh my! This is challenging!

Sherri: It is very challenging. As you were talking, two things came to me. One, my husband's name, David, happens to mean “beloved.” So am I speaking his name, that is speaking out the name of of his name, my beloved?

But also this take me to Proverbs 31. When we are not holding our husband's name in reverence, giving him respect, that's the reflection. He's not going to be sitting in the gates...

NC: That's right...

Sherri: ...Thinking well of us, and being able to do the things that he needs to be able to do. So it's just... The implications are all throughout the Word, it's all over.

NC: And when we don't  give our husband honor, and don't give his name honor, it's really coming back on ourselves. We're going to bring destruction to ourselves.

Also, we're not going to live in the glory of all that our husband will do, as you have said. Because if a man knows that his wife thinks he's nothing much, and he's a bit worthless, and she's always criticizing him, always getting at him, and always nagging him...That guy is going to feel so worthless. How's he going to do anything?

Sherri: Right.

NC: He just can't do anything in life.

Wow! And time is going, and I have so much more to say, and you've still got to tell us, OK, some practical things of how you got out of this rut. So we better get on to that!

Sherri: Well, a couple of things, like I said, is I just determined in my mind to start showing my husband love in the ways, one, that it spoke to me. But also, learning his love language, which is, he loves to have things done for him.

So I starting setting up dates again. We used to date all the time. So I found things...He loves to fish. Not a big fisherman, but what I love to do is read. So he's just thrilled to have me with him. So he goes fishing. While I'm in the boat, I'm reading. We just have conversation, and we just enjoy that time.

He loves music. So many times he'll get his guitar out, and we'll just sit and we'll sing. It's things that brought us together to begin with. It's things that we have let slip, because of, as we said earlier, life and children, and all kinds of things. So we brought those things back.

But one of the main things, because I am getting older, when I reached menopause, and this is,  I cannot believe this... We women talk about birth, and all the child rearing years. But a lot of times, menopause is not talked about. I was actually very ignorant about it, haven't been talked to a lot about it, didn't realize a lot of the things that can happen, once we reach menopause

But one of the things I did not realize is how much hormones affect different aspects. So I wound up finding a doctor, he's a functional medicine doctor who uses bio-identical hormones. They're not synthetic. They're what your body produces. That has made a world of difference, in my frame of mind, and in my moods.

I've got five daughters, and I've never allowed my daughters the excuse of, “Oh, I don't feel well right now,” and so that's an excuse to sin. We may feel off, but never cease to sin. So anyways, the hormones have actually really really helped me with physical issues. That has made intimacy much easier.

NC: Yes, yes. I think that's very important. I think even in your 20's your hormones begin to decline. They decline more and more. So often by the time you're in your 50's, some women can get very dry, and find sexual intercourse no longer enjoyable, but even painful.

I think if that is the situation, you have to do something about it. This is the thing. Let's never stay in a rut, and just think, “Oh well, this is what is like now.” No! Never! Because there's always an answer, isn't there?

Sherri: Yes

NC: Of course, you know, we know that these synthetic hormones have so many other side effects. But you can search for a doctor who will prescribe for you bio-identical hormones. I guess many of you may have read Pearl's chapter in her very first Trim Healthy Mama book, where she wrote, actually they wrote a whole chapter on intimacy in marriage, and another chapter on hormones. That's really great reading.

But perhaps you could share with the ladies how you managed to... Did you have to search a bit to find? Because sometimes you do, ladies. You don't just give up on the first round. You've got to do some searching.

Sherri: Yes, I did. It took me a little while. I had actually found a bio-identical, a functional medicine doctor a few years ago, but he ended up retiring, and it took me a couple of years to find another one.

Basically, I started asking friends. Then I started doing internet searches. Once I did internet searches, then I started talking to people. A lot of times they have people who will actually give references. So I started talking to those people. It's worth searching out, though.

When I'm seeing a functional medicine doctor... Some people may not know what that is. Most doctors, if you have a blood test, they say the normal is between two and ten. A functional medicine doctor has learned that you're going to feel the best though, if that range is maybe between five and seven.

So they work to get whatever the blood test, and I'm just using this as a number out there. They work, it's a much smaller area. So you feel much better, because there's not this wide range.

Every person is different also. Women, their hormones are harder to adjust. It's an individual thing. So you  need to find a doctor that's willing to work with you and get your.... They can do the blood work, but it still comes down to how you're feeling.

Because my blood work right now, if somebody were to look at it, would go, “Wow! It's really kind of off!” But I'm feeling really good with where it's at. My doctor is like, “Hey, we're at that right now. Everything's good. There's no side effects. So we're good with where they're at.”

NC: Yes. So it just revolutionized your sexual intimacy. What about other things?

Sherri: Oh, yes. My mind clarity is there. I can actually multi-task again. My moods are much more even even-keeled.  I don't find things bother me as much as they used. to.

My energy level, I actually just told my doctor last month, I feel like I'm back in my 30's. And I'm almost 58, so I think that's pretty good to feel that I'm back in my 30's. You'll find me quite often out with the children playing volleyball. I'm walking three miles a day, most days. So I have the energy level back.

Oh, it really helped my sleep. I go to bed, fall asleep, and I sleep. It's wonderful. I wake up feeling rested. So there are many aspects, that though I didn't realize I would get a benefit from, I did.

NC: So,  if you are, perhaps, you know, getting in a little rut, well, don't stay there! Do some research. Get out of your rut! Just before we close...We could have gone for another hour, Sherri! Oh! So much to talk about on this subject.

But let me just close with another beautiful picture. I think it's good to be reminded of this. I love this Scripture in Proverbs 5, verses 16-19. It's speaking of the husband. It says,“Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own...” This is in the context of marriage. “...And not strangers' with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed; and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times.”

You know, that word is a very powerful word. It means, that word satisfy, it means “to slake the thirst, to make drunk, to satiate, to soak.” It's a pretty good word, isn't it? And then it goes on, “Let her breasts satisfy thee...” Sometimes? No, at all times.

Wow, we have to take notice, don't we, of every word in the Scripture. That's what I love to do when I'm reading the Word. I'm looking out for every word. I don't want to miss one word. Because, wow, there's a little phrase of three words, “At all times.”

Now, it's the Word of God. It's alive. It's living. It's powerful. It's real. It's eternal. I've got to take notice of it. So, if this is not your experience at this moment, we want you to get out of your little rut.

OK, I talked about “Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times. And be thou ravished...” Oh wow, that word, it means... Actually, the word in the Hebrew literally means “to lead astray.” It is used in other passages where a woman will lead a man astray. So it's used in the negative, but here it is used in the positive of a godly marriage.

It's saying that this should be the experience of the husband. That he will be satisfied, and satiated, and made drunk at all times, as he comes to his wife's breast. And he will be ravished with her love. Other translations say he will be “captivated, infatuated, intoxicated, made drunk”! Wow!

Now it says this about experience of the husband, but how can he have this experience without his wife? So we are the ones who make him intoxicated, and drunk, and captivated, and lead him astray! Wow, you're allowed to do that in marriage? Yes!

Then it goes on, here it says again, “always.” Another word, “Always with her love.” That word always is the Hebrew word tawmeed. It's a word that is often translated “continually.' It's not every now and then, not sometimes. It's continually.

It is exactly the same word that is used for the morning sacrifice and the evening sacrifice. It's the same word. Sometimes I joke with my husband and say, “Now, this word, remember it means morning and evening!” Well, that might be just a little too much for you, but at least it says here, “at all times,” continually!

OK, so you're getting the beautiful picture. That's how our marriage is meant to be! And if it's not, what do we do? We do something. And we get out of the rut! Amen?

Sherri: Amen!

NC: OK, well, we've got to close. Want to say something as we close?

Sherri: Just all I want to really tag onto is, I cannot emphasize enough to bring every thought captive. That's where it all begins. There is no sin in the temptation. It's when we let that temptation go.

NC: Amen. Yes. That's interesting. Our thoughts. So if there are thoughts that are wrong about our husband, or about maybe someone else, we take those captive. But then our thought realm is also to be used in the positive of thinking.

The more we think about our husband, the more we think sexually about our husband, the more we think of being intimate with our husband. Well, we're forever going to have thoughts that we shouldn't have because they are, what is the word? They are put upon our husband, which is the right way, instead of elsewhere. So we'd better stop talking.

OK, how many minutes have we gone? 41! Oh dear. OK. We'll stop.

Lord God, we come into Your Presence this morning. And we just tell You how much we love You. We thank You that You have made us Yours. We belong to You. You are our Beloved. We are Yours. We thank You.

Lord, we thank You that you have given us the privilege to have a very tangible manisfestation of this glorious truth. And You have chosen marriage to portray this glorious picture of the relationship that we can have with You, Lord, that is so intimate. But You want us to have it in our marriages.

Teach us, Lord God. We pray that You'll lead us more and more into the fullness, and the truth, and the glory of all that You have planned for us in our marriages. Lord, I pray for every lovely wife listening, that You will bless her. And that You will save her from ever living in a rut, in boringness, Lord, but that you will bring her into all the glory that You have for her. Lord, that you will, by the power of Your Holy Spirit, teach her how to think correctly. Lord, that You will bring her into that place of being an intoxicating and captivating wife. For this is Your plan for us. We ask it in the Name of Jesus. Amen.