MY HUSBAND’S HELPER

Part 5 (The Strengths I Bring to my Marriage and Family)

“The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
    but the mouths of fools pour out folly. ”
(Proverbs 15:2).

Are you your husband’s helper?

6. STRONG TO SUBMIT

It’s Beautiful

Isn’t amazing how many modern wives do not like this word? And yet it is a biblical word. A beautiful word.

1 Peter 3:15 (BECK) states: “This is how long ago the holy women who trusted in God used to make themselves beautiful: they submitted to their husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and call him lord.”

The New Century Version says: “In this same way the holy women who lived long ago and followed God, made themselves beautiful, yielding to their own husbands.”

This is how the women in those days adorned themselves. They submitted to and reverenced their husbands. A little different to today’s wives.

Under the Blessing

We should check out what this word means, shouldn’t we? The Greek word is hupotasso.
Hupo means “under” and tasso means “to arrange in an orderly manner, to assign to a certain position.”

God intends the wife to come under her husband’s covering. She comes under his headship to be protected by him, provided for by him, and to be led by him. Why do we resist this beautiful plan of God? Usually because of independence, rebellion, or wanting our own way. It never works for our blessing, our husband’s blessing, or the blessing of our children.

I love reading other Scriptures where the word hupo is used, e.g.

When Jesus looked out of Jerusalem, he cried: “How often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not” (Matthew 23:37). Isn’t a beautiful thing to be protected under our husbands? And yet there is always a resistance to God’s way. The flesh wars against the spirit. Even the people of Jerusalem didn’t want God’s protection. They wanted their own way.

Jesus talked about the little mustard seed that grows up to be a big tree “so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it” (Mark 4:32). Another picture of protection.

1 Corinthians 10:1, 2 tells us how God protected the Israelites in the wilderness “under the cloud.” God gave them a cloud by the day to protect them from the heat and a cloud (a pillar of fire) by night to keep them warm. Another revelation of being under the blessing of God.

It’s not always easy to submit. We must give up our own way and say No to the flesh. That’s why we must be strong. It’s three-year-old behavior to demand our own way. It takes maturity to submit.

7. STRONG TO SATISFY

The very first thing God reveals about marriage is that we will be “one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 says: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” It is impossible for the man to be “one flesh” without his wife. Therefore, this is the most important way we “help” our husbands. Our bodies were designed for this oneness. It is an essential part of our marriage or we don’t have a marriage!

Sometimes we must remind ourselves of 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations.”

Proverbs 5:19 gives a further description of the wife’s role: “Let her (his wife) be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” The CEB translates: “Let her breasts intoxicate you all the time; always be drunk on her love.”

God gives the wife to the husband for this purpose (and many others too). We are a divine helper to our husbands in so many ways. We must take notice of a few important points in this Scripture.

a) Satisfy. We are to satisfy the God-given needs of our husbands. The word for “let her breasts satisfy thee” is ravah and means “to slake the thirst, make drunk, satiate.” Got the message?
b) At all times. Do you notice that our breasts are to satiate always? “At all times” doesn’t mean sometimes. “At all times” means at times when we may not feel like it.
c) Ravish. We do not give grudgingly to our husbands, but think how we can ravish them. The word “ravish” is interesting. The Hebrew is shagah and means “to go astray, to err.” However, in the context of marriage, it does not mean to err in sin, but to err in loving. Other translations say the husband is to be “enraptured,” “captivated,” exhilarated,” “be drunk,” and “transported with delight” with his wife’s love. This is how we are to minister to our husbands. Don’t settle for the boring, but willingly enrapture your husband.
d) Always. Once again, the Bible emphasizes the word “always.” Not sometimes, when we feel like it, or when we have the urge, but ALWAYS ready. Not only to be ready, but to initiate.

What does “always” mean? The word is tamiyd and means “continually, constant, regular, perpetual.” This same word is used of the “continual” burnt offerings. It is translated “daily,” speaking of the daily sacrifices which happened every morning and every evening. It’s the same word that says: “So shall I keep thy law continually” (Psalm 119:44). It’s the same word in Psalm 34:1: “His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Now, I am not saying you can always keep up with the daily, but at least you get the message that it is to be regular.

The wonderful thing is that as you seek to minister to your husband as his divine helper, to satisfy and satiate his needs, you will be satiated too. And remember one other thing. The devil hates every beautiful gift from God. Therefore, he hates the intimacy of marriage and seeks to pervert it or stop us from enjoying it. Don’t let the devil have his way. Let God have His way.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell
www.aboverubies.org

PRAYER:

Dear Father, I thank you so much for your beautiful plan for our marriage. I thank you for making me a special and suitable helper for my husband. He cannot do without me. Help me to be all that You want me to be to him. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

As I lay down my life, I find life.
As I satisfy my husband, I am satisfied.
As I yield to him, I am filled with joy and peace.

MY HUSBAND’S HELPER

Part 4 (The Strengths I Bring to my Marriage and Family)

“The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness”
(Proverbs 15:2).

Today we continue Point 4 about how God has given women a gift with words.

4. STRONG TO SPEAK continued.

A Soft Answer

God’s Word is so wonderful. It teaches us exactly how to operate the tongue. In times of turmoil or argument Proverbs 15:1 tells us: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Soft, tender, and gentle words have far more power than loud, angry words. In all situations, Shakespeare’s words are a good testimony of a woman: “Her voice was ever soft, gentle, and low, an excellent thing in woman.”

Don’t Nag

We each know that nagging destroys a marriage relationship. The big thing is NOT TO NAG! Once again, the Bible reminds us:

Proverbs 21:9 (HCSB): “Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.” Repeated in Proverbs 25:24.

Proverbs 21:19: “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

Proverbs 27:15 (HCSB): “An endless dripping on a rainy day and a nagging wife are alike.”

Don’t Open Your Mouth

However, although we love to talk, there are times when we should not open our mouths at all. When you feel mad and only have negative words to spout off to your husband (or children), keep your mouth shut. You’ll regret the words you speak.

What did Jesus do when he was threatened, ridiculed, and reviled? He didn’t say one word (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 26:62, 63; 27:12-14; Mark 4:61; 15:5; John 1'9:9; and 1 Peter 2:23)! To be a true helpmeet to our husbands, we must learn when to speak and when not to speak. We must train our mouth to submit to our will.

Speak for Righteousness

However, we have not been given a voice to hide in seclusion. We come into our marriage and family to be a voice for all that is holy, righteous, good, and lovely. We abhor evil and cleave to the good (Romans 12:9). We hate every evil way (Psalm 119:101). Therefore, we speak out against evil. We will not tolerate that which God hates. Rather than tolerate evil, we tremble at God’s Word. Therefore, we do not keep our mouths quiet when we must speak for righteousness (Proverbs 31:8, 9; Isaiah 58:1; and Ephesians 5:11). We fear God rather than the praises of people.

5. STRONG IN COMPANIONSHIP

Your husband needs your friendship. You were created to be his companion and he chose you to be his best friend. Titus 2:4 commands the older women to teach the young women how to love their husbands. The Greek word is philandros meaning “to be friendly and affectionate.” It’s not enough to know that you love your husband. He doesn’t know what you think. You must show it to him. Cultivate being a cuddly, kissy, and physically-touching wife.

Take every opportunity to show him physical affection. Write notes to him in the most surprising places. Think of creative ways to remind him of your love. It’s so easy to forget about this during your daily grind and the overwhelmingness of life. That’s why I’m reminding you. We need fresh reminders every day. Caress him when he comes near you. Hold his hand when driving in the car. What else are you going to do?

This is how you be a helper to your husband. It does wonders for him.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell
www.aboverubies.org

PRAYER:

“Dear Father, please help me to be a true helper to my husband. Show me how to love him more freely and affectionately each day. Help me to make his life complete, for this is your will for me. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

I am thinking of new ways to show affection to my husband each day.

MY HUSBAND’S HELPER

Part 3 (The Strengths I Bring to my Marriage and Family)

“The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl”
(Proverbs 25:11 NCV).

3. STRONG IN TRUTH AND DISCERNTMENT

We live in a liberal and deceived society. We live in a time when much of the church would rather be tolerant toward sin than reprove the “works of darkness” (Ephesians 5:11). To raise godly children in this atmosphere we must be wives and mothers who know the truth. I’m talking about God’s truth, not the intellectual wisdom of the world. The only way we can know truth is to saturate our minds and hearts in God’s Word. We must soak our children in God’s Word.

We must cry out for truth. Ask God to expose every deceptive thought in our minds. Even more, cry out for discernment to distinguish between God’s truth and the devil’s lies. That’s not as easy as you think.

Because you are someone who loves God and wants to do His will, Satan does not even think of tempting you with that which looks evil. He knows you would resist immediately. Instead, he tempts you with things that look good. That’s how He tempted Eve in the very beginning. Remember? He tempted her with that which was “good . . . delightful to look at . . . and desirable for obtaining wisdom.” (Genesis 3:6 HCSB). The Fenton translation says: “good . . . beautiful to the eyes . . . and stimulating to the intellect.” Oh, how we must guard our minds and hearts.

As women, we must specifically seek discernment. 1 Timothy 2:14 reminds us that that it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman. Satan came to the woman first as he knew it would be easier to get through to her. And yet Adam and Eve walked with God every evening in the garden. How could she be deceived? Only by something that looked good. Therefore, we must be on our guard. There are so many things and so much teaching that looks so right, but you must seek God for discernment. It’s interesting that the next verse, (v.15) tells us that women will be saved (especially from deception, for this is the context of the passage) as they embrace the role of childbearing and motherhood.

The Lord gave me these words: “Everything from God is good, but not everything that looks good is from God.” Beware (1 Peter 5:8). Seek for truth and discernment. Not only for yourself, but for your children. If we are not strong in God’s truth, how will our children be strong in the truth? How will they know how to discern what is God’s truth in this deceived world?

4. STRONG TO SPEAK

It’s not news to us that women are usually more verbal than men. We are gifted with an ability to communicate. One of the root words of the Eve, Chavvah is a word that looks similar, chavah meaning “to declare.” Every gift can be used negatively or positively, and therefore we must learn to use this gift in the right manner. Instead of speaking derogative and negative words, we seek to speak encouraging and uplifting words.

An Encouraging Word

Proverbs 12:25 says: “Heaviness in the heart of a man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.” The New Living Translation says: “Worry weights a person down; an ENCOURAGING word CHEERS a person up.” I also love The Living Bible: “Anxious hearts are very heavy, but a WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT DOES WONDERS!” Don’t you love that too?

You have the power to work wonders and miracles in your husband’s life by the words you speak. You have the privilege and power to change his world.
Did you know that husbands are desperate for encouragement? They can’t survive without it. You may think your husband is full of confidence and doesn’t need any affirmation from you. Or perhaps you don’t think he is worthy of appreciation because of the way he acts. The opposite is true. He needs fresh affirmation, encouragement, and kind and loving words from you each new day.

Maybe your husband was not encouraged growing up in his family. You now have the power to fill up his empty tank. Keep up the good work even when you don’t notice much difference. Gradually your encouraging words will fill him and change his life. He will begin to do things you never dreamed possible

At the Right Time

Proverbs 25:11 says: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” Most translations say: “a word spoken at the right time.” How important it is to know the right time to speak. Don’t pour out on your husband all the problems of your day as soon as he walks in the door. If you have certain things weighing on your heart, wait for the “right time” to share them. Or if there is something you would love him to do in the home or with the children, wait for the right time to speak to him. And don’t ever tell him what to do. He’ll do the opposite. Ask him gently? He will always respond to your question at the right time. He will love to have an answer for you.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell
www.aboverubies.org

PRAYER:

“Dear Father God, please help me to know the right time and have the right words to speak to my husband. You have created me to bless him, succor him, and help him. Please teach me how to do this in the right way. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

I am saturating my mind with God’s Word for I refused to be deluded and deceived by seductions and trickeries of Satan.

MY HUSBAND’S HELPER, Part 2
(The Strengths I Bring to my Marriage and Family)

We learned last week that God created us to be a helper and a strength to our husbands. We are kenegdo—his counterpart, or face to face opposite. God gives many strengths to the man as the leader of the home. He also gives many strengths to the woman, but different strengths. It would be superfluous for us both to have the same strengths. This would only undermine one another.

What strengths does God want us to bring to our marriage?

1. STRONG IN THE LORD

Ephesians 6: 20 states: “Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” Do you notice that we do not have strength in ourselves? It is only God’s strength. We are only strong in the power of His might. Therefore, we must be wives who seek after God and His ways, His strength for each new day, and for the battles we face in this life. When we are strong in the Lord we will be a strength to our husband.

Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10 says: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” I know you want to be one who uplifts your husband, not pulls him down.

If we give in to our feelings (which we are prone to do as females), we will be an emotional mess instead of a quiet strength for our husband and children. If we give into self-pity (to which we are also susceptible) we will be no good to our husbands or anyone in our family. Self-pity drains your strength. Self-pity pulls you down to the pits and pulls down your husband.

Instead, we “gird up the loins of our minds,” “cast down imaginations,” and say no to our grumbling self-pity (Psalm 40:2, 3; 2 Corinthians 10:3-5; James 4:7; and 1 Peter 1:13). We turn from our slough of despair and turn to the Lord. We confess that we trust Him, no matter what our situation. We confess He is bigger than our current circumstances. We thank God that He is in control.

And every time you win the battle, you become stronger! Isn’t that great? You don’t start out strong. You often start out weak, falling repeatedly into despair. But you can rise and fight in the power of His might. Hebrews 11:34 tells us about the men and women of faith who “out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight.”

You are in a battle, dear wife, and mother. The enemy of our souls hates marriage and hates family life and comes subtly to undermine and weaken our marriages and homes. Therefore, we must be strong for the fight. We must stand against all temptations and deceptions of the enemy.

However, God calls us strong and courageous. Proverbs 31:10 says: “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.” The word “virtuous” is the Hebrew word chayil and means “might, strength, power, and valor.” It is used in the context of war and battle and is the same word used to describe men of valor in the Old Testament. We do not fight with physical strength or flesh and blood, but with principles and powers and the deceptions and delusions of this world. Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might as you fight against them.

2. STRONG IN FAITH

“Without faith is impossible to please God” (Hebrews 11:6). Without faith, it is impossible to truly function as wife and mother. Life is not perfect. Not everything goes the way we plan it. We need faith for conception, pregnancy, birthing, and day to day mothering. We each face impossible situations that are beyond our control.

The Bible women who lived long ago learned how to trust God. 1 Peter 3:5 says: “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who TRUSTED IN GOD, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.” What about when their husbands disobeyed God? What about when they made the wrong decisions? Their trust was in a greater One than their husbands. Therefore, they submitted to their husbands and TRUSTED GOD. God does not fail us when we put our trust in Him.

There is a powerful phrase that occurs twice in the Bible . . . “Because of Sarah.” Genesis 12:17 tells us that God “plagued Pharaoh and his house with GREAT PLAGUES because of Sarai Abraham’s wife.” And Genesis 18:20 tells us that God closed all the wombs of the house of King Abimelech “because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.” That’s heavy stuff. God deals severely with kings of nations to protect one woman who trusts in Him!

More to come – ten points in all.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell
www.aboverubies.org

PRAYER:

“Thank you, dear Father, that You have created me to be a strong helper to my husband. Please help me to be a godly encouragement to him—always lifting him up rather than pulling him down. I ask this in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

AFRIRMATION:

I want to be a woman who trusts God, no matter what my situation.