Depo Provera Devastated My Life!

In 1989 I was a volunteer counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy Center. In the course of conversation with the director I learned something that changed my life. I learned that the pill does not always prevent ovulation but changes the endometrium in the uterus so that the newly conceived child cannot implant and grow. It withers and dies. I was on the pill at the time so I had to find out the truth. My husband, Mark, and I did much research and found out that it was true!

During our investigation we also came to another conclusion. We found that

• As Christians we are to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice. Romans 12:1
• Children are a reward from the Lord. Psalm 127.3
• God is able to open and close the womb. Genesis 30:22; 1 Samuel 1:5
• God knows us before we are even born. Jeremiah 1:5; Hebrews 7:10

We decided I could no longer use the pill. At that moment we fell to our knees and I offered my womb as a living sacrifice. We asked God to open or close my womb as He saw fit. We were willing to receive as many blessings as He desired to give us. This decision was not easy, especially for my husband. We had one child at the time and had no intention until this time of having more than two children.

I became pregnant within a few months and we were very excited. God was already starting to bless us. Over the years God blessed us with five beautiful children. But this is where my story beings.

Our first four pregnancies or births were difficult. I had one premature baby and three cesareans. When the birth of my fifth child approached I was very apprehensive. I didn’t want to go through another cesarean. The Lord heard the desires of my heart and blessed us with a wonderful birth in the confines of our home. My midwife, my husband, my mother and a close friend attended. It was wonderful.

Shortly after I had my baby I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t lean on God’s strength. It is a lot of work to raise children and I tried doing it without the Lord’s help. I forgot that God knew where I was. I forgot that children were a blessing from the Lord. I forgot that I had given God the control of my womb. Instead I began worrying that I would become pregnant again. I was tired of the negative response from people about how many children we had. I was tired of justifying why we had "so many." I just wanted to be normal.

So I started justifying in my mind why we shouldn’t have anymore. I persuaded my husband that we should speak with the pastor and his wife (who did believe in birth control, and I knew it!) I wanted to get an okay for what we were about to do. And I did.

I went in for my post-partum checkup and planned to get a diaphragm. However, I was persuaded instead to start receiving these "wonderful" injections once every three months of Depo-Provera. I would never have to worry and I wouldn’t even have periods. I wanted to talk to my husband about it first but was told that I needed to get it right then if I were to use it. I agreed.

I had a lot of the side effects – unusual bleeding, major depression, weight gain. I even went to another doctor to check if I had hypothyroidism and was told that my problems were caused from the Depo-Provera. But I still kept getting the injections for over a year.

During that time my relationship with God dwindled to close to nothing. I was filled with remorse. I tried to busy myself with church activities on one end and at the other end I felt guilty about my decision. I began doing things I would never have done before to take away the hurt. I lived a double life. I ruined my testimony before my family that I had tried to build for years. They had previously seen my life change for the good. For years I had focused on living what I preached. I didn’t want to be a "lukewarm" Christian. But now I was a hypocrite. July 1997 I came to the end of myself. I saw where I was and I couldn’t believe it. I prayed and prayed for God to forgive me. I repented.

Within one week of my repentance and decision to turn this area back to God I had a miscarriage. Wait a minute. I was on Depo-Provera I couldn’t be pregnant. Or could I? Within another week I met someone, who not knowing all that had taken place, invited me to a Right to Life meeting. What I heard tore me apart. Depo-Provera, like the Pill does not always prevent ovulation. I had killed my baby by being on it.

It has been over two years since my last injection. My periods have not yet returned. My body has shut down. I have now learned that this is common. In fact, many women now suffer the consequences in their bodies from taking Depo-Provera, Norplant, the Pill and the IUD. I’ve tried herbal methods and I’ve gone the medical route but nothing has worked. I don’t know how long it will be before my periods return. All I know is that because I couldn’t trust God with my body, I now have a toxin in it that no one can guarantee when or if it will ever go back to normal. I’ve heard from some women that they are still sterile after a few years

The turmoil that I go through over this is indescribable. My emotions are on a roller coaster ride One minute I lay it at His feet and be at peace, then out of nowhere something will hit me and all I can do is scream from within, "What have I done!" I have cried so much in the last few weeks I can't imagine having any tears left, but sure enough they come again. Every time my children ask for another sibling it feels like a knife is stabbing into me. How can I ever tell them what I've done? And I am only 28 years.

I beg God daily to be normal again. I long to be able to carry another child in my womb and then in my arms. I don't know if He will ever answer the way I desire.

Now I ask myself this question. Why do people in the church no longer consider children a blessing? Well, maybe the first one or two or even three are blessings, but after that they become burdens.

"Oh, I couldn’t handle that many!"

"I can’t afford any more!"

"God gave us the brains to know when to stop!"

"I couldn’t bring a child into the world the way it is1"

"The world is overpopulated, didn’t you know?"

"They would interfere with my work for the lord." (Can someone please explain this one to me?)

I take whole-hearted responsibility for my actions. But how many more women are going to be deceived? We easily allow any drug into our system by trusting the one who prescribed it. Why can’t we trust the Creator of the universe, the one who has the stars, as well as the hairs on our head numbered?

MELISSA CARROL

Wooster, Ohio, USA

Mark and Melissa have five children, Justin 11, Miranda 8 ½, Matthew 7, Bethany 5 and Benjamin 3 ½.