Through Faith AND Patience

Our two children were born March 13, 1981 and December 26, 1982. They were very ill from the day they were born, causing us to resent them just a little. We had never really known a family that truly nurtured their children; thus we had no example to follow. The world taught us to just "make it"' until they were grown.

We were even having a hard time with that. Therefore in the summer of 1983, my husband chose to have a vasectomy. We had an elder son and then a daughter; what the world deemed as the perfect family. What more could we ask for? Our family was complete and we would have no more worry about more children coming along.

Three years later, on March 11, 1986 we asked Jesus to come into our hearts and forgive us of our sins. He gave us such a desire for His Word. We had no one to disciple us one-on-one, but using His Word, we were taught by the hand of God. He began to remake our shattered lives.

Another three years later, on January 1, 1989, 1 woke up to read my Bible. It was New Year’s Day and I had a new commitment to serve Christ. I had such a zeal for the things of God. I began to read in Genesis. The usual eight to ten chapters didn't seem to satisfy that morning. I kept reading. The phone rang several times.

With each ring I would think to myself, "I'm glad that phone is ringing because I need to get up and get something else done today" but when each conversation ended, I found myself being drawn back to the scripture. It was so unusual to be drawn back to His Word time and time again. I would soon know why.

As I sat and read, I was so excited and filled with anticipation as to what God had to say to me that day. God is so good. Every day He gives me something new for the day. What would it be today? Then I read Genesis 25:24, "And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb." A satisfaction came over me and I was able to put down the Word of God. But I was baffled. Was God promising me another child? How could that happen?

It was impossible. Yet, I believed it was God's word for me that day.

Every day I thought about the word that God had given me. I began to pray and ask God what He meant by the words that I had read. I wanted to know why God did not let me put His Word down that morning. We had never heard of reversals, so they were not even an option to us. I came to the conclusion that God must have adoption in His plan for our lives.

He had radically changed our hearts regarding children, to the point of giving me the desire to have more of them. With this desire, I would tell myself that we had sinned against God by having a vasectomy and there was no way to change things except to adopt and love someone else’s children. Each time I came to that conclusion, it seemed God would not let me rest in it.

A few weeks later, I was in a doctor's office with one of my children when I glanced at a magazine and saw the headlines, "Vasectomy Reversals". I had never heard of this before. I quickly picked up the magazine and began to read. It was incredible. It was also $20,000, which insurance would not pay. I put the magazine down thinking that this must not be God's way for us. We didn't have any money.

I found myself continually thinking about the article I had read. A few weeks later, I was in a dentist office and lo, there again was another article about reversals. In disbelief, I picked up the magazine and began to read. This magazine stated that the cost of a reversal was about $12,000, much lower than the first, but still far beyond any means that we had.

It was in the Fall of that same year that my husband went to an Urologist concerning side aches he had been having. After being examined, the doctor said, "I could do surgery and take care of this pain or you can just live with it."

\My husband decided to live with the pain. We were getting ready to leave the doctor's office when out of the clear blue sky he said, "By the way, if you ever want to have a reversal done, let me know." There it was again, right in front of us. The total cost, $12,000.

My husband and I talked on the way home but he was not convinced he wanted more children. The Lord had indeed changed his heart but he felt we had enough. The subject was dropped. I began to fast and pray. I had to know if a reversal was God's plan for the children I believed He would give us one day.

I made a phone call to the doctor's office that had mentioned it to us. I found that this doctor was one of the leading reversal doctors in the country. He practiced in a large city about an hour away and came to our area once a week to see patients. They had never done this surgery in the country hospital we lived close to, so we would have to travel to a large city.

To make a long story short, after checking with the doctor he agreed that he would bring one of his nurses with him and do the surgery at our country hospital. His charge would be $1800, the hospital charge $3200 - a total of $5000.

I brought the subject up to my husband once again. To my surprise, God had changed his heart also. We checked again about having the reversal done and found that both the hospital and doctor would allow us to pay the bill a little at a time until it was paid off. The surgery was performed in March 1989, the first be performed at that little country hospital. It was a success.

As I read God's Word, He continually reassured me of rearing more children. On January 4, 1990, I read Jeremiah 33:14 "Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will perform that good thing which I have promised....." I felt God was confirming in my heart more children. Two days later came Psalm 145:19, "He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him:...." I believed God would give me children from my own womb.

I believe I now know why I was unable to stop reading my Bible that January 1, 1989. 1 know why our child was sick that day and had to be in the doctor's office. I know why we were in the dentist office. I know why my husband had the side aches, which disappeared as soon as the reversal was performed! God is sovereign and His timing is perfect. It is our job to obey. It is His job to do with our lives what He wants to do.

It has been eight years since our reversal. God has not given us any more children, yet He continues to give us contentment beyond measure. He has worked in our hearts and taught us so much about nurturing the children that we do have. We give Him the glory for the transformation that has taken place in our lives and we look to the day when He will bless our quiver and make it more full.

DEBBIE DUFFER
St. James, Missouri, USA.

David and Debbie have two children, Jeremy (16) and Jessica (15).

Written March 1997.

STOP PRESS:

A SPECIAL CHRISTMAST GIFT!

Since writing this article, David and Debbie had found out that God is graciously giving them a very special Christmas gift, due December 25^th 1997- a new baby! Oh how we rejoice with them. After 15 years, there will be a new baby in their home again. The doctor who did the reversal said that if they didn't conceive within three years of the reversal, they would most probably never conceive. However, David and Debbie continued to trust God and after eight long years after their reversal, He has rewarded them. Truly, it is by faith and patience that we inherit the promises!

Pain After Vasectomy

During our engagement in 1981, we attended premarital counseling with our pastor. At one of these classes he encouraged us to read the section in our book we were using as a study guide to decide how we would handle "family planning". So from the beginning of our marriage, we both felt that we were totally responsible for how many, how soon, and how close our children would be.

This idea came from the world, the church, this Christian book we were using as a study guide, and the medical profession. Never once did anyone ever suggest that we go to the Scripture and find out what God had to say, and sadly, though we were both Christians, the idea never occurred to us.

We were married two years when our daughter was born. We were happy and thanked God for our little miracle whom we named Amy. She was almost three when her little brother joined our family. We also thanked God for this little miracle. Several people from our church commented on how we had the perfect family and that two children was enough in this day and time.

Brad developed severe asthma when he was one, and we were inclined to agree with this statement. We looked at permanent options for birth control. Because we were so young, (my husband, David, was 26 and I was 24), David's dad counseled waiting awhile. We took this advice and decided to wait until I was 30.

As David's 30th birthday approached, I started talking about doing something permanent then, instead of waiting two more years. Brad was almost old enough for school and I wanted to go to college. Why wait? We didn't want anymore children. We had the perfect family and we didn't want any surprises. So we made an appointment for David and in August of 1991 he had a vasectomy.

VASECTOMY PAIN FOR FOUR YEARS!

We expected no problems because the doctor had told us this was minor surgery, plus being a medical assistant, I had assisted with this procedure several times and had never known anyone to have any serious problems. However, about 48 hours after the surgery David was in severe pain. The pain lasted approximately two hours. We had to go to the emergency room for more pain medication. David continued to have severe stabbing pains periodically for the next four years.

The doctor said there wasn't anything he could do, as it was a side effect of the surgery. It was amazing how many people we encountered after the surgery who also had problems like this. We couldn't believe that we never heard about all the problems men have had after this surgery. We even found out that there is a higher incidence of prostate problems and cancer in men who have had vasectomies.

About one year after David's vasectomy, the Lord began speaking to us about homeschooling. A friend loaned us Mary Pride's book, All the Way Home. As we read, we were convicted about homeschooling, but we were also convicted in another area. We realized that since God loves us and cares about every detail of our lives, He wants control of everything, including how many children we have. We both repented for taking family planning in our own hands, but then a long three-year struggle began.

The reason this became a struggle for us was that I felt we needed to make restitution and have a reversal. David felt that because we had repented, God would give us more children if He wanted us to have them.. It was a long three years. Each passing month I longed for children but David was adamant that it was in God's hands.

For the first time in 13 years of marriage we had an obstacle we could not overcome. I tried very hard to take the place of the Holy Spirit and to convict David that he needed to have the reversal. This only made David more convinced that he was right.

We finally came to a point were David was adamant that he did not need to have a reversal and he didn't want me to talk about it any more. I was devastated and cried out to the Lord, "Lord, I've tried everything I know to do and say but he won't let me talk about it anymore." This happened on a Thursday and I moped around until Sunday.

On Sunday, David had to work and so the children and I attend a home fellowship to which we had been invited. While there I met a family who have nine children. I talked to the wife and she shared that her and her husband had struggled over allowing God to plan their family. I then shared my story.

Lovingly and gently, she pointed out that our problem was not over letting God plan our family, but one of headship. I was trying to be the spiritual leader of our home and had basically gotten into a tug of war with my husband.

She pointed out that when a man and woman get in a tug of war, the man usually wins (even if it appears that the woman has) but if a woman will let God get in the tug of war with the man, the outcome would be much different. Right then, the Lord convicted me that this was the truth and I recognized I had undermined my husband's authority.

I waited up for David to get home from work that night and repented of my lack of submission. I shared what had happened at church that day and how I realized how wrong I was. I thought this was the end, but it was only the beginning. While mowing the lawn the next afternoon, the Lord impressed on me the need to apologize to the children for not being the wife and mother God had called me to be. I asked forgiveness from the children too and went to bed feeling very forgiven, no longer weighed down with my burden.

At 4.00 a.m. in the morning I awoke by David jumping into bed saying, "You aren't going to believe it. The most incredible thing happened at work tonight. Do you still have the name of that doctor that does the reversals as ministry? I want you to make an appointment tomorrow.

God spoke to me tonight and He brought something to my attention that you never thought of." Believe me, I thought I had conjured up every argument in the book to throw at him. God showed David that every excuse that he has used to not have a reversal was selfishness!

David wanted what God willed for his life as long as it fitted in with what the world considered success - children raised before we were too old, money set aside for retirement, money for college, a nice home, etc. God opened his eyes to see that what the world calls the best is not always the best for us.

I scheduled the appointment the next day. Almost four years to the day David had a reversal done by Dr. Bledsoe in Arkansas. Since the reversal, David has had no pain. Six months after the reversal I conceived but lost the baby at 11 weeks gestation. I conceived again four months later, but also lost that baby at 11 weeks.

The Lord was my Comforter. At this writing, I am 24 weeks pregnant and due in October 97. We are greatly looking forward to this and any other blessings God may have in store for us.

SHERRI LEITER
Columbia, Tennessee, USA

David and Sherri’s children are:

Written June 1997

Awaiting first reversal baby.

A Huge Mistake

We sat in the urologist’s office talking about the planned vasectomy. I was 21, we had been married three years, and already had two babies. The two pregnancies had been hard on my body, both with premature labor, bed rest, medication, and many hospitalizations. My doctor warned us not to attempt another pregnancy, assuring me I would be on bed rest again. I was tired of being pregnant and I was overwhelmed with taking care of two children 19 months apart. We had just moved to a new state where we knew no one. I felt I had all the "stress" I could handle.

I begged my husband to get a vasectomy. I coerced and manipulated him for about 10 months until he finally gave in. Because we were Christians, my husband asked me to spend some praying about whether this was His will for us, while he did the same. We spent a couple of months praying, but all along I prayed with my hands over my ears.

My prayer was, "Lord, it's okay. to have the vasectomy, right?". I really didn't want to hear an answer. I was convinced this was THE answer for us. I looked around at our new friends in our conservative church and saw them also having vasectomies. Those I asked about it said it was a personal decision - no right or wrong answer.

Deep down, the Holy Spirit nudged my soul and I would think, "Why would God want me to end the ability to have children to raise for Him?" But I would quickly stamp out those thoughts and go down my list of pro-vasectomy reasons:

"We can't afford another child."

"My family would die if I had more."

"I will be on bed rest AGAIN."

" I will go crazy."

" I will get fatter." etc.

I didn't tell me husband about this internal struggle and told him I felt God didn't care if we had the vasectomy.

About three months after the vasectomy my eyes were opened. What followed was tremendous heartache. I began to ache for another baby. As I weaned my youngest daughter I cried at the thought of never, ever, nursing again.

I began to grow spiritually as a mother and see the importance of what God had called me to do. I realized there was nothing in this world that I could do that would be more important than raising up Godly children to serve God. I learned to trust God and lean on Him more and more. Then I realized, I had made a huge mistake.

The Holy Spirit showed me I had prayed wrongly. He showed me how I had pressured my husband and how I had sinned. What a mess I had created, all because I wasn't willing to trust God. My heart grieved. I confessed my sin to my Lord and my husband. Both gave me loving forgiveness, but I still had to live with the consequences of my sin.

I begged God to work a miracle and give me a child, despite the vasectomy. I bargained. I cried. And then I pleaded with God to take away my desire for another baby. I went through this process for three years. Many nights my husband held me while I wept, and prayed with me for a child.

My husband had a hard time completely forgiving me for my sin. While he verbally forgave me the first time I asked, it took almost a year for him to get past the anger over what had happened. He would have readily accepted more children from God. He only went through the vasectomy because of my constant nagging.

After one more of these tearful nights where we prayed for God to give us a miracle, I suggested a reversal. My husband refused. He didn't even want to talk about it and he assured me he NEVER wanted to see an urologist again. He told me that God would just have to work through the vasectomy if He wanted us to have more children. My heart sank. I spent every month hoping I was pregnant and dreading my period.

Then one day we started to talk about a reversal and how it would be a wonderful thing to do if we ever had $5,000 fall into our laps. There was virtually no chance of that ever happening. A couple months later I received a phone call from an urologist's office saying my husband had called asking for information about a reversal! I almost dropped the phone!

The receptionist confirmed what we had been told years earlier, that the operation was $5,000 and not covered by insurance. We had received some extra money during this time but not that much. When I told my husband about the phone call, he told me he was "just looking into it." A couple days later, I overheard a woman talking at my daughter's gymnastic class about her husband's reversal and the great doctor they had.

I had never met anyone who had gone through a reversal. It was a surprise for me. We decided to check the cost of using this doctor. Imagine our surprise when we found out he did so many reversals that he had a special plan with the hospital – the surgery and the hospital stay would only cost $2500.

My husband decided to set up a consultation visit with the doctor and we continued to pray. The visit went well, with the doctor giving us a 90% chance of a successful operation. We spent the next month praying and saw all the doors open for the reversal to happen - the doctor had a excellent reputation, the money came in, my husband was able to get time off work with pay.

The surgery lasted two hours (compared to the 20 minutes the vasectomy had taken) and my husband was off work for five days. He did have some complications in the healing process and more pain than what was usual for this procedure.

At the three month post operative check up, a sperm count was done and the results were horrible. It looked very bleak. The sperm count was extremely low and they were mis-shaped. This shattered our expectations. I doubted and asked God, "Why did you bring us this far just to fail?" and "Why, God, Why?"

He assured me that we had done the right thing. He also gently reminded me that He hadn’t promised me a child, just love and forgiveness. We realized that we honored God by having the reversal, but that didn't mean He would automatically give us what WE wanted. I stopped praying for a baby and started praying for peace, joy and godly contentment.

I still very much wanted a baby, but I also wanted what God wanted. I'd like to say I reached a state of perfect peace but I didn't. It was a constant struggle. Some days were filled with peace while others were filled with hopelessness.

Imagine my joy when, at six months post surgery, I conceived. My husband and I were so overjoyed we smiled continuously for two weeks! The pregnancy was hard, but God blessed us with no pre-term labor, no medication, and no bed rest. He even gave us a doctor who found out the reason for all my early contractions and she monitored me carefully, thus preventing the need for medication.

On November 30^th 1996 we welcomed Sophia Sharon into our arms. Her name means ‘wisdom’ in Greek; a symbol of what we gained a little of during this trial. God has truly blessed us!

TRACY CUNEO
Hillsboro, Oregon, USA

Mark and Tracy’s blessings are: Elizabeth (6 ½), Victoria (5) and Sophia (6 months).

Written June 1997.

One baby so far since reversal.

A Pool Or A Baby?

Mike and I met in high school. I was a senior and Mike was a junior. We were both more interested in partying than in schoolwork. We both grew up Catholic, and as children, attended church, but it was out of religious duty, not because we had a personal relationship with the Lord. I graduated high school and Mike still had one more year. However before Mike started his senior year, I got pregnant with Samantha. At that time, because of our situation, we did not view this child as a gift from the Lord.

It seemed to many people that it would be in our best interest if I had an abortion. In my spirit, I knew abortion was wrong. I knew it was killing a child, but I said I would go and have it done. Mike gave me the money and I went to the clinic with a relative of mine. (At that time I hadn't told my mother that I was pregnant.) I didn’t have any feelings when I entered the clinic. I kept telling myself that "It will be over soon and I won't have to worry about this anymore". It seemed like I waited an hour in the waiting room, but it was probably only 20 minutes. When they called my name I was taken downstairs to a room, and told to put on a "johnny" and to put a sheet over me. The doctor had not arrived, so it gave me time to think about what I was doing .I turned my head to the left and saw a thin cylinder metal can with a hose attached to one end. Imagining my child in that can, I could not hold back my feelings any longer. I cried so hard that I could barely talk. When the doctor came in and saw how up set I was, he told me I should not go through with. I got my money back and left.

On the way home, I tried to figure out what I would say to Mike. I thought he would not have anything more to do with me, but he said he would stay with me. He also knew that abortion was killing a child and that it wasn't the right thing to do, but at that time he was thinking more of himself than of the baby. After Mike graduated he went to trade school for two years to be a machinist and I stayed with my parents and became a beautician. We saw each other when we could during that time and planned our wedding. We were married August 3, 1984. During our first few years of marriage, Mike's obsession with drugs and alcohol increased. We fought a lot. We were verbally and physically abusive to one another.

When Stephanie, our second child was about two years old. I was so tired of how our marriage was going, and what our fighting was doing to the children, that I wanted to separate from Mike. But I was scared to be I loved Mike, but at the same time I hated him. I thought he was to blame for all my misery. I asked the Lord to show me a sign if separating from Mike was the right thing to do. God answered my prayer. A week later Mike left the house. One night during that week away Mike got high on cocaine. He had done so much cocaine that he said his heart felt like it was going to explode. The more he used, the more he wanted. He thought he was going to die that night, so he got down on his knees and asked God to help him. Mike contacted me and we talked. He agreed to go to a rehab. He stayed there for 30 days. The Lord was calling Mike and me, but we were not always listening.

Mike attended AA and NA meetings regularly for a couple of years. We also had our third child.

After the birth, Mike decided to get a vasectomy. I didn't want him to but Mike felt that three children was enough. Even though we had used birth control to space our children, it never occurred to me that we were withholding children. I cried when he had it done. But in time I got used to the idea.

Mike was looking for a close personal relationship with a friend, but he felt he could never connect with anybody in AA or NA or with the friends we had left over from us changing our life style. Unknown to us there was an elderly couple in the trailer park where we were living, who were Christians. They had been praying for a Christian family to come in to our trailer park to live. A family whose father was a pastor and had three daughters moved in that year. Our children met their daughters and our families became friends. They invited our children to an Awana program they had at their church. I had wanted our children to learn about God, but our children hated to go the church we had attended as children. The first time my children attended Awana, I couldn't believe how much they liked it.

We went to church the following Sunday which happened to be Mother's Day. We were both nervous. We had not gone to church in a long time. During the service, the Pastor asked all the fathers go to the front of the church to sing to the mothers. If Mike didn't go up front, he would have been the only father sitting down. So he followed the others up. The song they sang was Amazing Grace! When Mike came back to his seat he was crying. He had found the Friend he had been looking for! He asked Jesus to forgive him and to be Lord over his life. A couple of months later, I asked the Lord to forgive me and to be in control of my life. Since that time, all our children have come to know the Lord.

We moved from the area where we grew up and Mike changed his job – same trade but different location. When one of our friends came to visit us, she asked me if I had ever considered Mike having a reversal. She knew I would like more children. Our youngest child was six years old at this time. I had never thought about it, because I had only heard of people having surgeries to stop having children, never to have them. When I approached Mike, he was not at all keen on the idea. He said we couldn't afford it, He didn't want to go under the knife again. (the first time was bad enough for him!) He said we were at a time in our life where we were independent. If he was to do this, the Lord would have to change his mind. I prayed the Lord would work on his heart.

After about a couple of months, Mike told me he wanted to talk to me. He had been listening to some tapes on the value of a child and how a lot of great Christian men and women were the seventh, eighth and ninth child in their families. It got him thinking. What child had he prevented that could have been used to further the Kingdom of God?

When we told the children that we wanted to have more babies, we were surprised they were not as excited as we were. One child was happy about it, but the other two wanted a pool. What could we have expected? All their lives they’d heard that two or three children are enough for most families. We were in a dilemma! Buy a pool or have a baby! My heart said, "A baby." Mike's heart said, "A baby and pool!" The only money we had for Mike's operation was going to be from the sale of a camper that we owned. We were still not convinced about what to do, so we had the pool man come out and survey our yard. He sprayed a giant, bright orange ring on our lawn to let us know how well the pool would fit in our yard. While we were contemplating our decision, we had to stare at a bright orange circle day after day. Our camper was not selling either. One day I asked Mike, "Do you think the reason we’re not selling the camper, is because were not following the Lord?" When our hearts became right before the Lord, we sold the camper!

It has been a year since Mike has had his reversal. We are now waiting on the Lord for any future blessings. I am thankful to God for using our children to bring us to Him and to mature us in the faith. What mighty warriors children are! Psalm 127: 3-5 says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."

KELLY BELANGER
Casco, Maine, USA

Mike and Kelly have three children, Samantha (15), Stephanie (11), and Spencer (7)

Written July 1997

Still waiting for children.