From Miscarriage to Ministry

Soon after our wedding, John and I announced, half jokingly,  that we wanted four children: alternating sexes, starting with a boy. We say “half jokingly”, but we earnestly anticipated blessing of such a specific prayer.  Amazingly, by 1996, that is exactly the family we had.

In 1996, we conceived our fifth child. As expert natural family planners, we knew that conception had occurred just two days before the end of my cycle. I was shocked and ashamed. I even briefly considered abortion. It was a very fleeting thought and something of which I have since repented.. Anyhow, the Lord worked in my heart and I accepted the pregnancy and rejoiced when Niki was born.

Then, as we realised what a blessing children are, we gratefully accepted our next child, Caleb. We had now come to the point of not just being open to more children but letting God be in control. So we had Emma and Isaac.

Then, in 2007, I miscarried. For the next 18 months, I grieved for the loss of our baby and also because it seemed the Lord had closed my womb. By this time, I really had a heart for wee ones and a desire for more babies. I asked the Lord take this desire from me or fulfill it-- the pain was so great.

He did neither.

In prayer late one night, I sensed that the Lord was telling me  that there are other ways to have a baby. This was the beginning of a series of gentle encouragements He gave John and me. We received several encouragements from the Lord. Some we remember as short catch phrases, “a child, a child , more children”, “put your net on the other side”, “are you just going to enjoy the view or jump in?” Others were more direct: “And through your pain and darkness the Lord is doing a work that will glorify Him.”

Our first response was to  apply to start fostering again. Before having our own children, we used to foster children of varying ages and for up to several months stay. Now, having probably completed our biological family  we began fostering children younger than Isaac.

One day our eldest daughter showed me a card. Written by Steve and Emma Dunne, it said “Pregnant? Considering Abortion? Not sure what to do? Please consider adoption to a loving family.” We wanted to hear more from these people.  So off we went with  our four youngest children. We heard Steve speak about the unwanted and unborn. The Lord had already turned our hearts to the unwanted with fostering. The unwanted and unborn really spoke to me. At last I came to understand the enormous,  apparently excessive, grief I had been experiencing. It was God’s own grief for the babies being aborted.

In a typical year, 18,000 babies are aborted in New Zealand. Steve had had a vision of the Lord raising 18,000 families to adopt these wee ones. God was about to do something “beyond my hopes and dreams” [Ephesians 3:20]. We were to be one of those families. God changed my desire for babies born to me to those He wanted to bring into His kingdom. God's ways are certainly higher than ours. He was going to use the desire he placed in me. So the grief ended and the ministry began.

In fostering, we became willing to take anyone permanently if God presented that. Along came a little one born the same time my baby would have been. He needed a permanent home .We made cards like Steve's and started to place them--very low key. Then Steve asked us if we'd go on the TV documentary Close Up. National TV! Scary!  But we felt it was from the Lord and we agreed. The next day's Word for Today scripture focused on Peter jumping into the water at His Lord's prompting.  We'd done it! We'd jumped in and gone overboard. On TV they let slip our full name so there was no hiding anymore. Now our family places cards wherever we go. In the card we ask people to consider open care of their baby rather than abortion. We also offer support to allow women to keep the baby.

Kiwis, please pray for us and consider: are you one of these 18,000 families too? Or is there someone you know who we could help.


JANINE GRANT
New Zealand
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John and Janine currently have eight biological children. and two fostered children.

 

 

Reinforced!

Getting pregnant for the second time was easy . . . almost too easy. I was happy and pleased, but not elated, primarily because I knew from experience about the morning sickness and other challenges I’d soon be facing.

I noticed some “spotting” at nine weeks. This evoked a concerned call to my midwife, who went through all of the possible circumstances that could cause such a thing, all of which seemed benign enough. It really did not seem possible that anything could be wrong. But after two days, I really started to worry. I stayed home that evening, put on some music, and did some correspondence. The Lord used one of the songs to speak to me and pour out His love upon me. My spirit was refreshed and I really felt that everything would be okay.

At 5:00 the next morning, I found out things were not okay. The pregnancy was ending. My husband stayed home and I faced the next few hours with supernatural bravery. Another call to the midwife informed me as to what to expect, and I went through the motions, knowing God’s presence with me.

Calls of sympathy flowed in, followed by a day of complete rest. For the next several days, calls continued to flow in from friends, many of whom had gone through the same experience at least once. Some gave advice. I appreciated their incredible love for me, so I listened but, like Job, I was soon confused by contradicting data and speculation. Did I do something wrong? Was it a hormone imbalance? A spiritual attack? Was there anything I could do differently next time? My body, mind, and spirit were in turmoil and the only way to stop it was to return to worship Jesus.

The next two months the Holy Spirit reinforced me, making me able to stand up to greater difficulties than I ever had before. In the beginning I did not even want to think about babies, but after a few weeks I was ministering to pregnant friends and helping in any way I possibly could. In the early weeks I had to battle intense jealousy, fear, and doubt. But I faced the grief head-on and took each sin to the Lord for cleansing.

I call this reinforcing, “walking in integrity.” Like a ship with a hull that is strong and can stand up to mighty waves and storms, I am held together by the faith and balance God has worked in my life. The storm I’m riding through is not enough to break me down and drive me into hopelessness. This is the point where, although it sounds crazy, I am beginning to thank Him for this experience. I know all mothers go through hard times, most much tougher than what I faced. These difficulties and pressures are all part of motherhood.  I thank God for teaching them to me, sooner rather than later.

That is why I find myself reaching out with compassion to other mothers.

Grief still pokes through the surface at unexpected times. It’s easy to be angry with myself for allowing the sadness to continue, to be embarrassed by my tears. But when I realize that this is what motherhood is all about, and how intertwined my body, mind, and spirit are in this journey, I can accept myself along with the tears, without shame. I have to live at peace with myself, content with all the blessings the Lord has given me. This desire that comes from the center of me, and the life I hope to find there soon, is all from Him.

I stand on His word, hoping He’ll calm the storms, but knowing that my ship is strong enough to sail through.


CHRIS DEBAGGIS
Orlando, Florida, USA
Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

PARTAKER OF MY LIFE

 

Little baby fastened in my womb

Partaker of my life

 Though hidden from my view

Changer of my course

Expander of my waist

Enlarger

 And developer of my faith

Oh little one who rented out my room’

 I never thought out lives would be
 
Untied so soon.

You left in sudden haste

And emptied out my small domain

 Child of ours,
 
What is your name?
 
For though I’ve longed to carry you once more
 
You’ve already been perfected
 
In the presence of the Lord
 
So my goal for you is gained
 
In a place of great delight
 
And soon in glory

We will

Re-unite.

 

Janet Carlton
Emily, Minnesota, USA

LULLABY OF LOVE

 

Baby…

 I wish you could have stayed,
 
I miss you growing inside of me.
 

Baby…

 I would have loved to have seen your face,
 
I want to hold you endlessly.
 
But even though I won’t feel you in my arms
 
I hold your memory in my heart.

 

CHORUS.

 And I’ll sing with the angels

A lullaby of love,

And as you’re soothed by the feathered wings

In your cradle high above,

 ear my voice…your mother’s lullaby of love.

 

Baby…

If I could only look in your eyes

And you could see mine shine with

how much I adore you.

 

Baby…

 Were they the color of your daddy’s or mine?
 
And I know they had a beautiful hue.
 
I wonder what would have been your name,
 
But I’m so glad you came…for awhile…

 

CHORUS.

 One thing I know I haven’t lost you,

You’re with your Creator by a celestial stream,

You were made for heaven, darling,

 One day I’ll hold you and it won’t be a dream.

 

SERENE ALLISON

 
 This song, written by Serene can be heard on Serene and Pearl’s album, PEACE ALL OVER ME.
 

Click to purchase the PEACE ALL OVER ME MP3 ALBUM or the LULLABY OF LOVE Song in MP3.

Heaven's Nursery

 

In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.

The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.

The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from the womb.

These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.

The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, t heir arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.

Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.

They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit

Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.

So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our unborn 'life' in your nursery.

 

A poem written By Rebekah Milne, Mildura, SA, Australia,
written after her own miscarriage.

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