TABLE MANNERS

It is important that our children understand table etiquette. Teach them to:

1 Wash their hands and brush their hair before coming to the table.

2. Be at the table on time, ready to give thanks together.

3. Don't grab food, but ask for it to be passed, e.g. "Andrew, you can you please pass the rice?" Use the person's name.

4. Don't take more food than is necessary so food is not wasted. Come back for more if they are they are still hungry.

5. Do not talk with a mouth full.

6. Do not lick their knife.

7. Do not slouch. Sit straight, keep chair close and elbows off the table. Elbows are allowed on the table between courses, but not while eating.

8. Do not have private conversations at the table. Everyone must share in the family conversation.

9. Always thank mother for the meal.

10. Stay seated at the table during the whole meal until the end of Family Devotions. Never get up and leave without asking, "May I please be excused."

Prepared by Nancy Campbell

www.aboverubies.org

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MORE IDEAS FOR
THE SHABBAT MEAL

Six years ago, I sent out an email Devotion about the Shabbat meal. I asked if people would like to share about what they do in their home. I saved the responses to share with you. Here I am, six years later, preparing them for you. I am sorry it has taken so long!

I am sure you will be blessed. Some celebrate their Sabbath rest on Saturday and others on Sunday. However, this is not a doctrinal issue on which is the right day. We do not discuss doctrinal issues in Above Rubies. It is for you to pick up practical ideas from others on how to enjoy the day of rest in your home. If you want to refresh on the devotions I sent out, go to THE PREPARATION DAY and THE SHABBAT MEAL.

 

EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR

Our family finds complete joy and delight in the blessing of the Sabbath. As the days of the week pass, our boys often ask me, "How much longer 'til Sabbath?" and on Friday morning the suspense begins to build as we all eagerly anticipate the beginning of the Sabbath at sundown.

For Friday night dinner we always have seven candles on the table. This

represents the days of the week. I keep this affordable by using six small tea lights and one large more expensive short'n'stumpy one. I put the tea light candles in a flat dish of water to float rose petals on and to catch any dripping wax, hence no cleanup! The larger candle is fragranced and always a beautiful colour. This "special candle" represents the Sabbath as a "special day.” I always remind the boys that God gave us six days to work but then He made us something extra special, "The Sabbath" for us to enjoy and to spend learning more about God's great love.

I find pure delight in watching the sparkle in the boy’s eyes as I share this beautiful thought with them each week. When the whole family is sitting around the table there is so much excitement in the air you could just about catch it! The boys shut their eyes while I light the candle. As the last candle is lit I call out, "Happy Sabbath" at which point the boys take their hands away from their eyes and the whole family shouts out "Happy Sabbath"! It is such a joyful time!

 

Cup of Blessings

As the meal progresses, my husband pours each of us a glass of non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice. Then we begin our sharing time which we call our "Cup of Blessings.” Before each person takes a sip of their drink, they first share with the family a "blessing" from their week. Each person gets to share and we always find that our "cup runneth over.” The children just LOVE it and when we have guests it is a wonderful witness to the goodness of God.

I’d love to share the following excerpt from my personal journal. This was written on the first Friday night after we lost our little baby at 14 weeks gestation. Our

children were aware of the miscarriage. This story demonstrates the beauty of the "Cup of Blessings" we share each Friday evening.

Journal Entry... Feb '09.

"Last night we had our special Friday evening “cup of blessings.” Joshua loves this time. I usually do too, but last night felt too emotionally raw to want this time to begin. Joshua began with one blessing then my mum said hers. Paul’s blessing was that he felt “blessed to have come to the end of the week and by the grace of God to still be intact emotionally, mentally, and spiritually… and that his wife was in the same position also.” At this point I started to cry (because all that he said was so very true).

Then Joshua began again with more blessings and on and on and on he went saying, “…and my ‘nother blessing is… and my ‘nother blessing is… and my ‘nother blessing is…” and so on and so forth! His list went on and on. You would have thought that his week was full with God’s goodness in his life, which indeed it was!

Finally he said “and my ‘nother blessing is our baby and knowing that I will meet our baby in Heaven one day soon.” At this point he happily stopped his list of blessings as if to indicate that this last blessing had been the “Blessing of all Blessings” and that his cup had just overflowed! Wow! My eyes just filled and overflowed as my heart broke again. What a Hope we have!"

THERESSA WOOD
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WE RECORD OUR BLESSINGS

Most Fridays, we have what we call our "Blessing Meal,” complete with white table cloth, white dishes, white candles and specially made nameplates that specify significant character traits of each family member. We discuss the meaning of the bread and wine and share communion as a family. We also use a beautifully bound notebook to record "blessings" to each other throughout the week and my husband reads these aloud at our blessing meal.

PAULA PIKE
Brooklin, Ontario, Canada
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SHINE LIKE LIGHTS IN THIS WORLD

We have been enjoying the Preparation Day and Shabbat for a number of years. It has brought us to a place of true honor for our Lord's Day.

We homeschool so we “school'' Monday to Thursday, then Fridays are set aside for total house cleaning. We call it “Life Skills!” Once the house is clean, I set the table for Erev Shabbat (evening of Shabbat). We are not very formal, nor do I have nice china yet. But, I have two crystal candlestick holders that my sweet husband purchased for me. We have also added our own tradition of lighting a votive candle for each child, saying as I light them, “May the light of Yeshua (Jesus) shine through you this week.”  The children love it!

Our dinner is always the same--PIZZA!  Whether bought or homemade, we all look forward to this! We have grape juice and challah. My oldest daughter usually makes the challah, whole grain with cake spice and raisins in it. YUM! 

This is such a lovely tradition for us! On Shabbat (Saturday for us) we have a home fellowship. We worship together, with my husband and oldest daughter playing guitars and the rest of us joining in with tambourines. Sometimes we all participate in dance worship. Do you know how awesome it is to see the men dancing in worship to our Lord?

We then study Scriptures together. Right now we are doing a wonderful study on Wisdom. My husband then blesses the children and me, sometimes individually, sometimes all together. When we were first new to blessings, we found the neatest little book written by a grandmother for her grandchildren, called Bless Your Children Every Day by Dr. Mary Ruth Swope. 

We conclude the Shabbat evening with Havdallah, which means “separation” in Hebrew. This is not a Biblical tradition, but one which we love and incorporate into our traditions. Essentially, it is recognizing the separation of Shabbat from the rest of the week, and saying good-bye to it. My husband speaks of the holiness of Shabbat as compared to the rest of the week, the distinction between the light of Jesus and the darkness there is without Him. We light a Havdalah candle, which are usually six slender candles wound into one so that the light is quite brilliant from it.  We remind the children that Jesus is the light that shines above all other lights and that during the coming week we must shine His love just as brightly.

There is a brief blessing over the wine (juice) left from the evening before as it is poured into a cup and deliberately overflowed (as the joy of this Shabbat was overflowing). A little box with fragrant spices is passed around for everyone to sniff as a reminder of the sweetness of this Shabbat. Then the candle is extinguished into the overflow of juice on the plate, again reminding us of the end of Shabbat. Our children take turns reading Matthew.6:25-34 and then we sing and I conclude with a prayer for the week.

Once this is over, we enjoy our traditional Saturday evening meal of nachos and quesadillas!

LORI VIDAL
Justin, Texas, USA
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ANTICIPATING ALL WEEK

What a wonderful, precious reminder to me about what I am preparing for. I used to think it was terrible to begin Sunday preparing for the following Sabbath and looking forward to it. But, then, the Father showed me it is the beautiful picture for us of looking forward to our eternal rest with HIM--the same way our salvation is a rest from living in sin and a looking forward to abiding in HIM forever eternally. So it is not wrong to begin immediately preparing for the NEXT rest.

RUTH FLEMING
|Dunlap, Tennessee, USA
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CANDLE TIME

One thing we have made a tradition in our family is "candle time.” Each Sunday after dinner we turn off all the lights in the house. We turn off all other distractions (phone, etc.) and gather around a candle. We talk, sing, play games, and pray. The children look forward to this time of family togetherness and it is always a blessing!

MARIE TABAR
Waterford, Michigan, USA
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LIVING IN ETERNAL SHABBAT

Bless the Lord who has given us the wonderful gift of Shabbat! Praise our awesome Creator who knows our inward parts and has not neglected a single detail… lovingly providing absolutely everything we need! In His tremendous love and wisdom, He ordained the Sabbath rest. He even made it one of the Ten Commandments…not to tie us down with legalistic burdens we can't bear, but to see His children prosper in every part of their being.

I am so thankful for the Sabbath's day of rest. This is the time when the Lord replenishes me both physically and spiritually, enabling me to have all the energy I need for the busy week ahead of mothering, home-making and practicing hospitality. Somehow I manage to get more done working six days and resting one day, than if I worked all seven days. This is the blessing of the Lord. His ways are not our ways. And oh, what bliss it is to rest for a day without the guilty feeling of knowing that so much needs to be done!

I am not Jewish, and grew up in a secular home in South Africa, where the concept of Shabbat was alien. I ended up marrying an Israeli I met in my travels, during which time the Lord revealed Himself to both of us. Soon after our salvation He impressed on us to return to Israel. In the beginning, we weren't paying any specific attention to Shabbat…it was just not the day to do shopping as everything was closed.

Constantly, in the Word, we bumped into Scriptures: "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy." (Exodus 20:8); "And call the Sabbath a delight," (Isaiah 58:13). It took a little time to get into the "swing" of how to prepare for the Sabbath to make it as restful as possible. But with some practice and Holy Spirit inspiration, keeping the Shabbat has become a center pillar in the physical aspect of our lives… and Oh, such a sweet blessing!

When I arrived in Israel, the first thing that struck me was how closely-knit so many families are. I strongly believe that keeping Shabbat has a lot to do with it. On "Erev Shabbat" (the Friday evening before the Shabbat day), families all over the country gather to welcome the Shabbat and eat dinner together. Breaking bread and sharing a cup of wine begins the meal. The father often blesses his wife and each of his children. Many end the meal singing songs of praise to God. Even though much of this is done because of tradition, it still has a visible impact on the family in society. Imagine how strong the impact on families who do it with meaning and a true love for God!

It's been quite a few years now that we have been keeping the Shabbat and my life has changed. It sounds crazy, but I sometimes feel that I'm almost already living in an eternal Shabbat (and I have a busy week!). Whenever I stop to take account of where I am, it is Shabbat. I feel like I go from Shabbat to Shabbat. I hardly notice the busy week flying by and it's Shabbat again. Even my children comment on it. Before we know it we will meet our Lord face to face! Sigh…

Even my week points to the Shabbat: the beginning spent clearing up after Shabbat, then as the end of the week approaches, getting more and more things in order and ready… to rest. I find that, in giving me a deadline ('Erev Shabbat'), the Lord helps me not to procrastinate, but get the things done which need to get done. And I have the power and will to do things because I know that a rest is coming. I guess it's a picture of us spiritually… we have the power to labor for the Lord in this life, often denying the temporary pleasure, comfort and rest that the world seeks, because of the hope of our eternal Shabbat rest. The hope of Shabbat, the joy set before us, gives us strength.

God has commanded us to rest on Shabbat. As a mother one may think that sounds impossible. It's not. Obviously there are always little things to do… stinky diapers show up on Shabbat too. But with careful preparation, we can avoid the main weekday work. I always try and ensure that the laundry basket is nearly empty, the house is clean and in order, and meals for the Shabbat have been prepared in advance.

I was taught by my Yemenite Jewish friends how to prepare their traditional Shabbat meal, a pastry that cooks all night in a low oven. What a blessing it is to wake up on Shabbat morning with the aromas of "Jachnun" filling the house. It's something that even enters one's dreams on Friday night, that even in sleep you remember it is Shabbat. Great joy! On Shabbat morning the children know to leave Mommy and Daddy to sleep in a bit. "Jachnun" is a heavy meal, which we eat in the late morning, and it even fills up hungry children for the rest of the day. In fact, you are forced to take a day of rest after eating this one!

The day is spent resting, reading the Word, singing, going for a walk and sometimes fellowshipping with close brothers and sisters. We used to have our home group meeting on this day, but found it added too much stress to the Shabbat, for the family hosting the meeting as well as those having to travel to the meeting. Now it is a day to refresh oneself as a family, and any guests staying with us enter into this rest with us. This is how our family keeps the Shabbat. But let the Holy Spirit teach you what is beneficial for your family.

It is easier to keep the Shabbat in Israel where shops close and most of the country goes into rest-mode. But I have met brothers and sisters from other countries who have chosen to stand against the flow of the rat race, keeping Shabbat, and the Lord rewards them richly. Obviously there are situations where it is impossible to rest on the day of Shabbat, and resting on the first day of the week is better than not resting at all. But there is a special blessing in resting on the seventh day, which is when God rested after He created the world. I believe that where there is the will, the Lord will show the way. Even having Church services on a Sunday is an advantage as it leaves the Shabbat free to rest.

I also believe that there is such a special testimony to the Jewish community to see Christians resting on Shabbat. At this point, Christianity is such a foreign religion to them. They are waiting for their Messiah, and we know that their Messiah is Yeshua (Jesus), but they can't even start to look into our faith because it has deviated so far from its roots. God hasn't changed. It would be interesting to look into Church History and see when Sunday was introduced as the day of rest instead of Shabbat. It certainly wasn't during the time of the first Church in the book of Acts. That early Church was obviously resting on Shabbat, and they had not replaced the feasts that God ordained with Christmas and Easter. They were the most powerful Church in all Church History! Makes you think, doesn't it?

I know the devil shakes at the thought of salvation coming to the Jews. He knows that at this time his end is at hand, and thus is doing all in his power to deceive both Jews and Gentiles from the truth. I believe that, in these end times, God is calling the Church to stand with Israel. Anti-Semitism is rising and negative anti-Israel media is infiltrating the minds of the people, but as the Church, we cannot be blinded by this. Our future is intrinsically tied up with the future of Israel.

AVIGAIL HIRSCHFELD
Chalutsa, Israel
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MARRIAGE STRENGTHENER

I have learned that to prepare for a day of rest (Sunday for us) requires preparation throughout the week (menu planning for the week to include meals on Sunday.

While our small children nap on Sunday afternoon, my husband and I read one section from a godly parenting book and a marriage book, as well as catch up on any Bible reading that we haven't done (we read through the Bible annually).  We also share a chocolate (treats always help...wink) and then we talk about what we've read. It has strengthened our marriage and become something we look forward to.

LUCI GALLOWAY
Kennesaw, Georgia, USA
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PREPARING OUR HEARTS MAKES THE DIFFERENCE

We love our preparation for the Sabbath day. Our children all love helping prepare everything and look forward to our Shabbat meals. One or the other always says, "Are we having our Shabbat meal tomorrow?" Then their response is "YEAH!"

The other thing we added into our time of asking forgiveness of one another is sharing jelly beans. For every jelly bean we eat, we share one positive thing about everyone in our family or one thing we like or love about each other. This usually takes up the rest of the evening. I'm trying to think of something healthier than jelly beans.

When I first read your article about Shabbat Meals, I jumped right on it. I was really excited! Right now we do Saturday evening because my husband works six days! He also looks forward to Shabbat Meal time and has told many folk about it. We really miss the times when we have other family gatherings and miss our Shabbat mealtime and it shows! This time of preparing our hearts for the Lord's Day really makes a difference on how we enjoy the Lord’s Day.

When I was a young girl, I remember every Sabbath day being at someone’s home for food and fellowship. Their preparation time was Friday until sunset, and no more work was done until Saturday night at sunset. Those times were so very sweet to me.

JODY ALDRICH
Tacoma, Washington, USA
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THE CHILDREN ARE BLOSSOMING

We have begun observing Shabbat (though we aren't as consistent as we

should be). The children love it and so do my husband and I. Dave wasn't sure that he would be very “good “at blessing the children but he had nothing to worry about. His very heart-felt blessings have been wonderful and the children have blossomed under this demonstration of Dad's love.

MARTHA PERRY
Riverbank Kings Co, New Brunswick, Canada
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TIME TO RECHARGE AND REFOCUS

A few years after I accepted Christ, I began to wonder why Christians didn't celebrate the biblical holidays.  At the time, I accepted the thought that the biblical holidays were for the Jewish faith and/or Messianic Jews. It was never far from my mind, though.

Last year, I began doing some research into our heritage as Christians and found a wonderful website and book on the Biblical Holidays. I decided to do a study on the biblical holidays with my children, as we homeschool. One of the feasts that has moved my heart the most has been the Sabbath.  For years, I "thought" I observed the Sabbath, because I went to church on Sunday.  I never really understood the true meaning of the Sabbath, and consequently, never observed it, until now.

Since our first Sabbath, our family looks to the Sabbath with great anticipation and looks forward to the preparation, and observance of the day.

When my husband arrives home from work, our four children race to the door to announce, "Shabbat Shalom, Daddy!"  At sundown on Friday night, we begin our Sabbath with candles.  My husband leads the family in prayer and prays a blessing over the children and me. I pray for him as the leader of our home.  What a delight and blessing it is to see the children's eyes light up as their Daddy prays for them.

When we break bread and share the Kiddush cup, we discuss what Jesus did for us and how He is our Sabbath rest and the fulfillment of all of the biblical holidays.  After dinner, my husband leads the children in Bible study.  We spend the rest of the evening together as a family enjoying each other's company.

Our Sabbath ends on Saturday night as we leave for worship. (We attend 6:00 service, so it is dark when the service is over).

A beautiful aspect of the Sabbath is rest. I have never actually known what rest was. I was raised in a household where rest is considered laziness. The Sabbath rest was never observed. My father, God bless him for being such a hard worker who did his best to provide for his family, went overboard. He has retired three times, I believe, only to take another full time job the next week. I have never known him to have only one job either. He usually has at least two going at once.

Because of the way I was raised, I worked like a dog seven days a week. That’s what I was raised to do. When we began our Sabbath observance, I was at the point of complete exhaustion and burnout. It is exhausting to never take a break!  On our first Sabbath, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know what to do with myself.  I almost felt guilty for resting. It was so strange. Then I studied the work of God and saw how rest is biblical! Amazing!  It is a time of peace, renewal, recharging, focus, refocus, preparation and connection---to loved ones and to our First Love.

LAURIE LENZ
Easthampton, New Jersey, USA
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WE HAVE MORE PEACE

We have Shabbat every Friday, into Saturday. It is our "family time"--a time of peace and relaxation. We have made pizza our preferred meal of Shabbat. It is fine to supplement your pizza crust in place of the challah, but we love an old-fashioned egg bread that my grandma has made for many years and enjoy making it too.

I have learned Hebrew and say the traditional Hebrew prayers over each meal, as well as lighting of the candles, to be done 20 minutes before dark on Friday night. The Havdalah candle is supposed to be lit at the end of the Sabbath, Saturday night. It symbolizes the close of the day.

We have a white lace tablecloth that my mom sewed for me years ago that we use and our very best dishes (which aren't fine china by any means, but they are nice to us).

We have something we call "High-Low” that we say each night before leaving the dinner table. We ask each person about the "High" of their day, something good that happened to them. We then ask their "Low"--something that may have happened that upset them. This is very helpful to the children, a time for them to be acknowledged and heard. They are then free to let go of whatever was upsetting them that day. We are often happy to hear that most have had only highs and very few lows! What a joy to a mother's heart!

At the end of the meal, we all hold hands and ask the Lord to bless us the rest of the night and into the next day and thank Him for our time together. We then spend the rest of the night as a family and go to bed content. The following morning is the Sabbath and we rest and read to each other, play board games and hang out. Then Sunday, we have a family home church with my mom and dad and we all learn together as a family. We have a "Sunday School" class for the children; they learn about God, do crafts and other projects and then we do Bible study together. Often the children will get bored and go outside to play or in the other room and the grown-ups will sit around for hours talking about God and discussing what we've learned.

Our weekends are always filled and happy. We are a happy family and feel much more peace since we've started celebrating this special time together.

JENNIFER BROTHERTON
Henning, Tennessee, USA
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GROWING MORE

We have kept Shabbat for several years now and are growing in it more and more. It is such an encouragement to see what our Father is doing in His people. I made the Ezekiel 37 twist in my challah bread this last Shabbat after reading about it in your email. It turned out very beautiful. I usually make a larger braid of six braids and a smaller braid of six braids that I place on top of the larger one, representing the 12 tribes of Israel, but I like the variety that doing something different brings, too. Doing the twist was great since I was short on time this last Friday. I usually sprinkle my loaves with poppy seed or sesame seed, too. They represent life or the Seed who is Messiah.

SERENEA LAZEAR
Pikeville, Tennessee, USA
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WEEKLY REPLACING OUR RINGS

Richard and I have always followed the practice of blessing our children on Friday night, but never did anything ritually to recognize each other. Now, following hand-washing (before which we remove our wedding bands), we each replace the other’s ring, creating a moment each week reminiscent of our time under the huppah.

BARBARA HIRSH

 

HALLAH RECIPE

Even though I'm a Jewish believer, most of the inspiration for this recipe and for incorporating homemade bread into my Sabbath observance has ironically come from my Gentile, believing friends! Since I am not at the point where I can make this bread each week, I am grateful that the recipe yields four loaves. I freeze the other three. I have only been observing the Sabbath for about eight years or so, since I was not raised observant. Each step I take in this process yields more fruit in my life.

Whole Wheat Challah

Using the wheat gluten provides a soft texture to this bread made with all whole grains. You may omit it, but your loaves will be quite dense. A fabulous resource for bread making is the Bread Beckers (www.BreadBeckers.com).

Makes 4 loaves

Ingredients:

3 packages of yeast

1 Tbs. brown sugar

3/4 cup warm water

6-7 cups whole wheat flour, plus extra for kneading

1 Tbsp. wheat gluten

1 Tbsp. salt

3 eggs

2/3 cup olive oil

1 egg beaten for brushing over the top

Sesame, poppy or caraway seeds

Directions:
1.     Mix yeast, brown sugar, and warm water in a glass measuring cup. Let stand for five minutes, until mixture bubbles.
2.     In a large bowl, mix the flour, gluten and salt.
3.     In a medium bowl, combine eggs, oil, water and honey. Set aside.
4.     Add the yeast mixture and the egg mixture to the flour. Stir, and add more flour if needed. Dough should be soft, not too sticky.
5.     Knead dough on a flat surface until well combined.
6.     Cover and rise at least two hours.
7.     Punch down and divide dough into 4 equal balls. Divide each ball into three parts, roll each part into long ropes, and braid groups of three ropes into 4 loaves. Let rise again for 1 or more hours.
8.     When you’re ready to bake, preheat oven to 325 degrees. Brush the tops and sides of your loaves with beaten egg, and bake for about 25 minutes, or until outside is golden brown.

HOPE EGAN
Chicago, Illinois, USA
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THE TRADITIONAL BLESSINGS

One of the most moving Shabbat traditions are the blessings given over the children. There are many variations on how the blessing is made. The most common custom is for the father to put his hands on the child's head and recite the blessing. In some homes the blessing is followed by a kiss, and in other homes it is followed by personal words of praise. In some homes the mother gives the blessing together with the father. In other homes the mother gives the blessing in addition to the father, and still in other homes the mother gives the blessing instead of the father. In some homes each child gets up at the table and stands before the parent to get the blessing, and in other homes the parent walks around the table and blesses each seated child.

Whatever procedure followed, the blessing is sure to make the child feel special and loved, boost the child's self-esteem, and give the child fond memories of being blessed and encouraged.

 

The Blessing for a Son

“May God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh.”

Why? Just before he dies, Jacob blesses his two grandsons, Ephraim and Manasseh. He says they should become role models for the Jewish people in the future. “On that day Jacob blessed them, he said, ‘in time to come, the people of Israel will use you as a blessing. They will say, 'May God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh'" (Genesis 48:20).

Ephraim and Manasseh did in fact become role models worthy of emulation. Unlike those before them, including Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and Joseph and his brothers, Ephraim and Manasseh were not rivals. Rather, Ephraim and Manasseh were brothers united by their drive to perform good deeds.

 

The Blessing for a Daughter

“May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.”

Why? Each of the matriarchs has qualities that qualify them to be role models. The matriarchs were strong and laudable women. They endured difficult home lives, hardships in marriage, infertility, abduction, envy from other woman, and difficult children. Nevertheless, these righteous women, through their individual passion, their partnerships with the patriarchs and their loyalty to God, succeed to build a nation.

 

The Blessing for Children

After the above blessing is recited for a son or daughter, some people continue with THE BLESSING FROM Numbers 6:22-27 for both boys and girls.

“The Lord bless you, and keep you;

The Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance n you, and give you peace.”

Blessings from NANCY CAMPBELL

Finally edited, July 2011

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WE MADE THE EFFORT: GOD DID THE MIRACLE!

 "Say something to them, Val." My husband pleaded with me. "You have to do something. If you don't say something to her she's going to leave."

My shoulders sagged along with my heart. This had been going on for a number of years. Each time either I, or someone else counselled them, it would be like a band aid for a while, but the festering sore never healed. Eventually it would break out and the poison oozed back into their marriage. With each outbreak the venom intensified and a remedy seemed more and more remote. It had reached the stage of not sleeping in the same bed, not talking unless in frustrated anger and even some nights sleeping in the car in a park somewhere.

"I have said everything there is to say." I defended my lack of action. "The more I say the more they get their backs up." My refusal to intervene now caused my husband's shoulders to sag. It looked utterly hopeless. "We will just have to keep praying," I called after him.

That night as I lay awake, I went over some of the things Mark told me that made him so upset and then upon the things that caused Helena so much hurt and anguish. My daughter's biggest gripe was that he never noticed anything she did. He never gave her any attention. She didn't feel loved or special. On the other hand, Mark felt all his efforts to bring home a wage were unappreciated. He was tired of working and coming home to strife and an unappreciative wife.

It's a great pity they don't observe Shabbat I mused. It would be a wonderful opportunity for them to affirm each other. Before dropping off to sleep I cried out to God and asked Him to pave the way for me on the morrow to put forward this suggestion.

While Bill and I were staying with Colin and Nancy Campbell in America we enjoyed many a Shabbat meal together. Bill and I loved being eulogised by each other each week and I wanted our children and grandchildren to experience this joy too.

One of the effects of fighting in a marriage is that it drains the energy for daily routine. Mark would be tired at work and come home exhausted.. Helena could hardly drag herself through each day and found preparing meals and keeping her home almost too much.

It was with trepidation therefore that I approached my daughter with an idea to help her marriage because it meant she would have to make a big effort. I explained that whenever we choose to love someone it costs us something. It may cost time, energy, perhaps money, or hardest of all, laying aside pride and making an effort to make the other person feel loved, no matter how you feel. You have to WORK at love to make the marriage work. None of this was new. I had said it all before. Helena didn't want her marriage to end; she just wanted to feel loved and appreciated.

There was no way we would be able to have Shabbat in the traditional manner.  Mark works shift work and cannot be home on the same night from one week to another.  We would have to take this a day at a time. We are not Jewish, nor are we under the law. We are free in Christ. What I was looking for was the atmosphere, but not too religious, which I knew would turn them off. I decided not to introduce everything at once but do what Helena could manage.

I encouraged Helena to set her table creatively with her best china and cutlery (called silverware in USA) and to do it with love in her heart for her family. There were one or two negative grunts, but with my help she set to. Four-year-old Katie saw her mother setting the table with great flare and asked what it was for. As it happens, it was also the birthday of their eldest son, Joshua who only lived for seven hours. We decided to combine the celebration, so Helena told Katie it was Joshua's birthday. "Are there going to be presents?" She wanted to know.

"As far as I know, presents are not traditional" I told Helena, "but what you need to know is that this is your table. It is called Helena's table. It will have your touch of creativity, your handiwork and your love. You are free!"

She made a chocolate slice, cut it into squares, wrapped pieces for each person in tissue paper that matched her serviettes (called napkins in USA). Each packet had some silver curling ribbon. The table looked superb!

Helena named her candles "Remember" and "Observe". She decided to remember their first child Joshua, and what he meant to them. We took turns around the table. I went first. My memory of Joshua is very precious to me and I am thankful to God that I was present at his birth and his death. I remember the way his short life knitted us together as a family.

My husband, Bill remembered the love that flowed as we all gathered in the room, acknowledging Joshua's arrival and departure. The siblings obviously couldn't remember Joshua, because he was the first born. We encouraged them to remember that they have a big brother who lives in Heaven with Jesus and that one day they will meet him.

Helena also remembered the love that surrounded her. After all the medical advice to abort she had succeeded in finally holding on to her precious son. She remembered being thankful she could bathe, dress and hold him. With tears in her eyes Helena stated she would hold the memory of what he looked like in her heart for ever. Our eyes were very moist as we remembered with her.

Now it was Mark's turn. He was quiet for so long I began to think he was reneging. Finally, with tears in his eyes he shared that if they could live through the experience of the loss of their first born son, then surely they could survive anything life threw at them. Next thing, they were in each others arms, comforting and supporting each other!

God is so amazing! He brings it all together. We made the effort but He gave it His touch! We could have planned all sorts of things, but no-one could have foreseen this.

Does this mean the marriage is now miraculously healed? No, of course not! God, in His wisdom, knew that a husband and wife need to eulogise each other at least once a week. I read a saying the other day,

"More than Israel has kept Shabbat,
Shabbat has kept Israel."

As Helena has kept Shabbat (almost) weekly, we have noticed huge changes in their marriage. Last Shabbat Mark told his wife he loved her more and more each day and that he loves the way she keeps their home and looks after the children. To save time, Helena was bathing the children and they were coming to the table in their pyjamas. This time I suggested we all dress up. "More washing" mumbled Helena, but even I was amazed at the effect this had on all of us. Mark's obvious pleasure in seeing his children, clean, radiant with good health and anticipation was worth every effort. It is hard to imagine this is the same family!

I feel absolutely inadequate writing this. How can I ever hope to convey to you the profound effect this weekly celebration has on us individually and corporately? It is healing this marriage. I know my husband is going to say something positive as he praises me each week (Proverbs 31:28). I wonder that I don't become immune or blasé about it. Yet, each week I have this warm glow that lasts for days and then I'm longing for the next Shabbat!

Helena has thrown herself into preparing Shabbat with enthusiasm. As soon as one Shabbat is over she's planning the next. She introduces a new colour scheme each week by changing the colour of the serviettes. Each week she purchases a little something towards Helena's table.

I am warmed in my heart at this picture of a wife and mother who prepares and plans to bless her precious family. It has taken extra work, extra money, extra time and planning--something she didn't feel she needed with so much other stuff going on in her marriage. What about the reward? It's so priceless it cannot be counted in a monetary sense! It is obvious this reward has eternal overtones!

Gradually, Helena has embraced other aspects of Shabbat. We agree that if we had done everything at once it would have been overwhelming. Thank you, Lord our God, for showing us the importance of not just remembering how important our marriage and family is, but observing and honouring their great value on a regular basis.

VAL STARES
Beaudesert, Queensland, Australia
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.Val is the Director of Above Rubies in Australia

 

HELENA SHARES:

My first thoughts and feelings when Mum introduced Shabbat were, "I don't know why I bother. Everything I do is unappreciated." Now I look forward to the excitement and pleasure I see on my precious family's faces each week. Through taking a little effort, I have established a regular opportunity for everyone to not only enjoy a special meal at a table set with extra care, but the opportunity to SAY those special things that we need so very much to say. My efforts have certainly been rewarded way beyond my initial reaction. I love it!

MARK SHARES:

Following the "honeymoon years" we had settled into a routine of work and family responsibilities but had been remiss in putting aside the time to spend with each other (and for each other). Every day and every week seemed like a chore to just survive whilst trying to keep up with the daily toils and finances with little acknowledgement for the effort. At first I thought "Why conduct a regular Jewish practice when we are not Jews?" but I agreed to it, at first, as a celebration of our son, Joshua and as a starting point in cooling down the inflammation that was ruining our marriage.

There is not enough room to express how much more effective this regular opportunity for eulogising my wife, children and family guests has been in repairing and improving our relationships. Each of their faces literally lights up when I take my turn to praise and honour them. I have a modified the quote my mother-in-law mentioned,

"More than we have held Shabbat,
Shabbat has held us together."

 

"And indeed... this woman is now turning a dinner
into a kind of love affair-into a love affair of the noble and
romantic category in which one no longer distinguishes
between bodily and spiritual appetite or satiety!

From Babette's Feast by Isak Dinesen

 

"When all is written and sung,

When all is sung or said,

It is only God, who is really food,

It is only Love that is bread!

~ Ruby Weyburn Tobias

 

 

"Music I heard with you was more than music,

And bread I broke with you was more than bread."

~ Conrad Aiken

 

"Love is a great beautifier."

~ Louisa May Alcott

 

"A crust eaten in peace is better than a

banquet partaken in anxiety."

~ Aesop

 

Family Devotions

THE WIFE’S PART!

Our family evening meal, followed by Family Devotions, is the crowning moment of my day. When we culminate the meal with the reading of the Word, prayer and singing praises it makes all the effort of preparing a meal and gathering the family together worthwhile.

Family Devotions does not happen easily. You have to make it happen. Although it is wonderful when the husband, the priest of the home, takes his responsibility and leads his family in this daily habit, it does not totally rely on the husband. Many wives complain to me that their husband doesn’t take the lead in this area, but I want to let you in on a secret. A lot depends on the wife too! In fact, it hinges on us!

The following are ten points for your consideration as we contemplate how to make this “blessing” happen in our home.

1) Ask your Husband.

Are you are waiting for your husband to get the idea? I am sorry to inform you that you may wait until the Lord comes. He may never think about it! I don’t believe you have to wait until your husband gets the idea, but when you get the vision, you can share it with him.

God gave to the woman the task of managing her home and watching over the needs of her household. God put home in the heart of the woman and He wants home to be in her heart. The picture of the family that is blessed by the Lord is of the wife in the very heart of her home, with all the children sitting around the table. (Psalm 128:3) Because her heart is wrapped up in her home, she is always thinking about how she can make the atmosphere in her home better; how she can make her home run more efficiently and how she can make her home a place where her husband and children feel the presence of God.

The father of the home wants this too, but he doesn’t spend the same amount of time thinking about it. He usually goes out of the home to fulfill his job and works hard to provide for his family. He often has much on his mind relating to his business and is not thinking about the little day-to-day things of running the home. It is not his job; it belongs to the wife. (Proverbs 31:27 and 1 Timothy 5:14)

Therefore, you are going to be thinking about these things more than your husband. There are many things we do in our home because I thought of them. When I feel strongly about something we should do that would bless the family, I share it with my husband. Most times, he is happy for us to go along with it. He is happy for
anything that will bless our home and build up the spiritual lives of our children.

You can freely go to your husband and say something like, “Darling, I have been thinking it would be such a blessing to have Family Devotions together as a family after our evening meal. Would you be happy for us to do this?”

“Yeah, but how would we do it?” he may reply.

Now it’s no use coming up with an idea unless you know how you are going to go about it. Here is an answer for you, although God may give you your own idea that will be special for your family. In our home we use THE DAILY LIGHT for our devotion time. It has selected Bible readings on a specific theme for every morning and every evening. We find it a great blessing.

For husbands who have never conducted Family Devotions, who feel inadequate, or don’t know what to do, THE DAILY LIGHT is the perfect answer. It takes all the sweat out of wondering how to go about it. All the husband has to do is pick up the book and read the Scriptures. (1)

If you would like to do this, you could say, “I’ve found a really neat book that makes it so easy. It has all the Scriptures selected and all we have t do is read it!”

2) Set the stage.

To enjoy Family Devotions at your evening meal, you have to prepare the evening meal. This is a basic responsibility of every wife—to prepare a nutritious and inviting meal for her husband and family (of course, her children will help her with this as they grow older).

Do more than cook the meal. Make the table attractive and use a table cloth. “Help,” you may cry out as a mother with little ones, “I haven’t got time to wash tablecloths every day.” I know you haven’t. However, you can purchase some clear plastic and place a pretty tablecloth underneath which you can change from time to time. All you have to do is wipe the plastic that covers the tablecloth. I don’t do this now, but have at different times in my life. You can also use candles or add a centerpiece. (2)

Some young mothers have told me to me they feel so overwhelmed they have regressed to using paper plates. I hate paper plates myself and love to use matching china to help make the table attractive. However, my children have now grown! Life consists of seasons and there are some seasons (especially when you have lots of little children) where paper plates are the only way to survive! Just don’t use them for the rest of your life!

Another important point to remember is to have the meal ready for the time when your husband gets home. If you postpone preparing the meal too long and it is not ready when he gets home, he is liable to go to the TV. A man feels like relaxing when he comes home from working hard and many men use this as their relaxation. Unfortunately, it can then be hard to get him to the table once heis seated in front of the TV. The secret is to have the meal ready when he comes in the door.

As you and your children greet your husband with excitement you’ll be able to say, “Honey, the meal is ready. You’ll just have time to wash while I put it on the table.” Your husband can come straight to the table, drawn by the wonderful smells that waft from the food you have prepared. Eating produces oxytocin, which calms us. This is why eating and fellowshipping together is the greatest way to relax, better preparing us to listen to the Word of God being read after the meal.

3) Clean up before Supper.

It’s hard to enjoy a meal in the midst of shambles. How disappointing for a father to come home to a mess and junk everywhere. Set a time to clean up, including all your children (young and old) before your husband comes home. It is impossible to keep a home perfect during the day with homeschooling and the activities of younger and older children. You have to live and be able to do things, which often entail making a mess, but you have to clean up, too.

About half an hour before the evening meal, I would say, “Okay, children, let’s have a 1, 2, 3.” Everyone rushed around putting everything away. It is good if you can put everything in its proper place (that’s the plan!) but if you are particularly busy, have a place where you can throw everything out of sight so it looks clean and wonderful when your husband walks in! This helps to make everyone feel more excited about sitting down to dinner and enjoying Family Devotions together. And it makes your husband want to come home!

4) Make it a Priority.

Don’t allow other things, even legitimate and good ones, to cheat you of this most important duty of all. Sadly, most sports and extra-curricular activates are held at the same time as the daily evening meal. Many families miss out on eating together, and having Family Devotions, because they are not even home! They are fighting the traffic or still on the sports field.

When raising our children I decided that we would not get involved with activities that coincided with our evening meal. Of course, there were often special events from time to time that we would be part of, but I would not let a regular activity, though healthy and good, to rob us of the best and most important!

5) Turn off the TV.

Make sure the TV is turned off before your husband arrives home; hopefully it hasn’t been turned on at all. We don’t have TV as I think it spoils the atmosphereof a home. (We do have lots of wholesome DVDs which the girls play on the weekends.) Turn on some peaceful music. Good music changes the atmosphere as you prepare the meal and it gives an ambience of peace and joy when your husband walks in. (3)

6) Pass the Bible.

Here is another secret role for you as a wife. After enjoying the meal and fellowshipping together, place the Bible, THE DAILY LIGHT or the devotional youhave chosen to use, beside your husband’s plate. You don’t have to remind him; without saying a word this will give him the cue to pick it up and begin to read.

Without your doing this, he may forget and you will feel disappointed in him. Please understand that your husband may have his mind on other things and may not be thinking about it like you are. You, as his helpmeet, can jog his memory without even nagging!

I did this in our home for years, and still often do, even though Family Devotions is now a burning conviction in my husband’s heart too.

After the reading of the Word, we all pray together and also sing a hymn. (4) Psalm 92:1-2 says, “It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and sing praises unto Thy name, O might High. To show forth Thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night.”

7) Include the Young Children.

When do you commence devotions with your children at the table? I suggest you start while they are in the womb, and unless your baby or little ones have fallen asleep and have already been put to bed, don’t exclude them from this time. It is important for them to hear the Word from the earliest age.

Of course, it is hard for very little ones to keep sitting straight in the chair but you can put a toddler on your knee and cuddle and rock him while the Word is read. Your husband can also have another little one on his knee while the older ones, by this time, are learning to sit still and listen.

This is marvelous training. Children should be taught to listen from an early age, yet too many children today are distracted easily never having learned to sit still and listen. That’s why most children cannot even sit in a church service--they have never learned to sit through a mealtime and devotions.

I know it’s not easy. This is training time and some meal times will be hair-raising! I know because I’ve experienced it! But don’t give in; keep training while they are very young and you will reap amazing benefits.

The testimony of Timothy was “that from childhood you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” ( 2 Timothy 3:15) The earlier children hear the Scriptures the sooner they will come to salvation.

I love what Norman Williams says in his book, How to Have a Family Altar. (5) “It is your duty to exhort your child daily with the blessed Word of God. If you dothat, you will be amazed to see what the Holy Spirit will do in that little heart…Before the child is three and one-half, he should be saved and know that Christ made him and loves him. The child should learn to lovingly speak the name of Jesus right along with the name of Daddy and Mother.”

8) Wait to Clear the Table.

Don’t clear the table before you have devotions. I have found through experience that the moment everyone gets up and takes plates and dishes to the counter that it cuts the atmosphere making it nearly impossible to get everyone back to the table again. I pass THE DAILY LIGHT to my husband as the meal is coming to a close before anyone gets up from the table.

Isn’t that nice? You don’t have to be Martha yet. You have a little more time to be Mary and “sit at Jesus’ feet, and hear His Word.” Jesus said that this is the “good part” and we must not let it be taken away from us. (Luke 10:38-42)

9) Husband’s Absence.

What if your husband doesn’t get home in time for the evening meal? You can lead the family in devotions in his absence, or, if you have older children, your oldest son can lead. What a wonderful opportunity for him to learn how to lead his future family.

10) Morning Devotions.

In our home we adhere to the Morning and Evening principle, which God has established in His Word. (6) To have devotions together as a family in the morning, you also have to make it happen. Everybody in the home must be up in time. I don’t allow anyone to sleep in (except on weekends).

In our home, breakfast is between 7.30 am and 8.00 am. Everyone must finish breakfast by 8.00 am and be ready for our morning devotions. Once again, you have seasons in your life and breakfast and devotions will be at different times according to your season, the age of your children and your husband’s work pattern. If your husband has to leave for work early, you may need to lead the children in morning devotions.

This is also good training time. I believe in the old adage, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” I believe children should be trained to get up at a certain hour. I certainly don’t believe in teenagers sleeping in (except on a weekend day of rest). They need to establish healthy habits and learn that
the day is for living, working and learning. Having morning devotions together as a family helps train your family to be organized and ready for the day.

May God lead you and direct you as you seek to do your part to make the Family Altar a priority in your home.

NANCY CAMPBELL

Above Rubies Editress, www.aboverubies.org

Read more articles under BIBLE IN THE HOME and PRAYER IN THE HOME. Plus, husbands can check for FAMILY DEVOTIONS, THE HUSBAND’S PART.

Check for HOW DO WE USE THE DAILY LIGHT? This will give you ideas of how to get the children involved and keep them interested.

To receive inspiration and find out more practical ideas about your family meal table, purchase the 200-plus page manual, THE FAMILY MEAL TABLE AND HOSPITALITY. You will also be inspired by the DVD, THE FAMILY MEAL TABLE IN ACTION Go to the Book Store.

Serene and Pearl’s beautiful harmonies and anointed songs for mothers and wives will bless you when you feel overwhelmed at this hectic time of the day. Many mothers say that cannot get through this time without putting on one oftheir CDs. Go to Music Store to order.

To read more about the power of praying together as a family read ENEMY CHASERS under PRAYER IN THE HOME which includes many other inspiring articles about prayer.

You can order this delightful and inspiring book, How to have a Family Altar from amazon.com or the whole book is available online at: http://www.baptistbiblebelievers.com/Book/HowtoHaveAFamilyAltarbyNormanVWilliams/tabid/198/Default.aspx

To find out about the Scriptural basis for The Morning and Evening principle, go BIBLE IN THE HOME and then click on THE MORNING AND EVENING PRINCIPLE