PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 127: MAKING FAMILY LIFE FUN

FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 127: MAKING FAMILY LIFE FUN

Jessica Ajayi joins me again today. We discuss more about life learning, how to enjoy your children, fun things to do with your children, and how to free yourself into passionate, enjoyable, adventurous, and restful mothering.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, From Our Home to Yours, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, lovely ladies! I'm here again today, and Jessica is back with me. I know you're going to enjoy listening to her again today. Remember, Jessica has an Instagram called Beautiful_Motherhood. I know you will love going to that.

Now, Jessica, last session we were talking about some of the things that your children have learned to do. How at a young age, they've been learning to build whatever they want to build and make for themselves. What about some other things? What can your children cook? Are they any good at cooking? Have you ever taught them that?

Jessica: Yes. So they know how to cook. They know how to bake. They can make bread. They can . . .

Nancy: They do it all by themselves. You can say, “OK, I just want you to make the bread.”

Jessica: Well, we use the same principles as in any other area, when we teach them to first, to do it with me, literally for a year. Every time when I make it, they would come, and I would invite them to knead the dough.

Nancy: And you just don't do anything on your own, while the children are doing something else. You'll say, “Come on, children. We're making bread. Let's do it together!” So they learn, and that's how you do it.

Jessica: Yes. And they're excited. It's not something like, “Oh, no, not again!” They look forward to help. They actually feel important. “Mommy has invited me, like I can do something!”

And then as they get older, I will ask them to do things by themselves. First little things, maybe to make the cookie dough. Then later on, a bread recipe, which I find is still pretty easy.

Nancy: What kind of bread do you make in your home?

Jessica: We make whole grain bread. Sometimes we used sprouted wheat. Sometimes we use spelt flour. They know how to grind the flour from grains that we buy. Then they know how to make it rise and put the yeast and the baking powder. Or how to use sourdough. We make a variety of breads.

Nancy: That's so nice. So, what about cooking a meal? Have they got to that stage yet?

Jessica: Yes. So I actually, over the years, collected all our favorite recipes. And then I made beautiful recipe books. One for just foods, and then another one for sweets, sugar-free sweets that we like to make. And then I have the picture of our food, the ones that we cook together.

It's a collection book of the recipes from our memories too. I put little colorful designs on the pages. They each have access to the book. As they grow older, they will each have a copy of it.

I teach them how to make it, and then they have the recipes in hand. They can look up what ingredients they maybe not remember, or how to make something.

Nancy: Have you ever been able to say, “OK, I want, maybe Samuel and Priscilla, will you make the meal tonight?” Will they be able to do that?

Jessica: Yes. Priscilla, she has made many Friday dinners. She's made lentil dahl soup that we all really enjoy. There's a variety of other recipes too that they know how to make.

Nancy: She's only just turned 10, hasn't she?

Jessica: Yes.

Nancy: That's so great! Let me see, what else, I wonder, do you do in your home? Oh, can you think of other things that you've taught your children? What about certain things that you like to make? Tell us about them.

Jessica: Yes, so there was a phase where I was into making cheese. I would just take them along. I actually went to a farm and somebody taught me how to make it. It took all day. The kids would pop in and out. It was too much for them. But then, when we had to make it at home, and I got to work in the kitchen, they came along.

We male cheeses together. We make soap together, completely from scratch. I literally got tallow from a butcher and made everything from scratch. They weren't there the whole entire process, but many times throughout the process.

They like especially when the soap was done, and we got to re-mill it and add lavender, or other herbs. They could actually stir and melt them, and combine the ingredients, and pour them into molds.

Nancy: And they like to use it. I guess they think it's so cool when they made it themselves.

Jessica: Yeah, and they are proud of it, too! There's a sense of achievement, “I've accomplished something. We have made our own soap!” Or “I've cooked this meal!”

Nancy: Yes, that's so great. And what about sewing?

Jessica: Yes. Well, I am a practical sewer. I don't yet have time for just sewing things for beauty. Whatever practical project I have . . . one of the things is that we make our own pillows. We fill them with buckwheat hulls. Once a year, we use pillowcases, but still once a year, I try to refill them. It's literally just sewing a square with our serger. The children know how to sew straight lines, so they can help with that.

We also make for ourselves, we wanted to . . . we live and rent, so we wanted to have a container garden. I have lots of outdoor fabric. We sewed that into bags and then filled it with dirt for portable containers to plant some of our garden in. So they have to sew the bags.

Nancy: That's interesting. So great! That is just so wonderful. I love the way that you make education be life skills. So I think you like to, you have your own passions, too, don't you?

SHOW YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO LEARN

Jessica: Yes. I'm passionate about just living more regenerative. I'm a person of many passions, I guess. There are many things I'm interested in. This is one thing that I wanted to share here. A couple of years ago, that was a real revelation to me.

I wanted to then, I had thought that it was a little like me, pouring in from my bucket into my children. In some way, also, giving up, and putting myself on hold, and what I was really interested in. And doing it all for the children and putting them into the center.

But then I read something. It kind of totally shifted my paradigm in that area for me. I read about how you can lead your children, and inspire your children, when you, yourself, are doing something. Like when you are passionate about learning new things.

I like to write, and I put that aside for a long, long, time. Because I said “Well, I don't have a lot of time for it.” But when I started doing little things, and writing, then my children, too. My daughter, she started wanting to write too, or just sit next to me, and write too.

You see, it's inspiring when they see you do something. I started realizing that I can best inspire my children when I pursue things in my own life too. So when I'm excited to read books about things I want to learn, then . . . They don't have to learn everything that I'm learning, but they see me learning. That's inspiring.

Nancy: They want to learn too! So they want to get a book to find out what they're interested in.

Jessica: Yes, because to them, I model that when I want to find something out, or when I want to become something, then this is the way you do it. Then you go ahead, and you learn. I watch videos, or I take a course, or I read books, or I meet with somebody, or invite somebody into our home to share with us, or to show us things.

So to them, it's like creating this pathway in their mind, this is how learning looks like. This is how we switch from just me trying to fill their buckets for the moment, getting them to learning all these academics, then having fun the rest of the day. To really making it a focus of inspiring the desire to be a life-long learner.

DISCUSS  THINGS TOGETHER AT THE TABLE

Nancy: Yes. That's what it's all about. Education is preparing them for life, giving them an excitement about learning. I think we have to get rid of that concept that our children go to school for a certain number of years. Because that's not how it's meant to be. It's meant to be that we learn life.

We keep learning, and we're going to keep learning every day of our lives! I know many of you homeschoolers, I think you learn so much as you're homeschooling your children. In fact, what we impart to others is really what we keep. So we are imparting to the children, and then we need to encourage them to pass on their skills too. Because the more they pass on, the more they're going to keep. That's a little blessing circle.

I think if we teach our children this way, and we're not just thinking, “Oh, they just have to do these certain books, and they've got to get through these particular lessons.” So many times, it can be so boring to them.

Of course, there's certain things that they must have a basic knowledge in, and they must know. We have to encourage that discipline to know those things, but we also need to give them that opportunity of learning while they're doing and learning while they're going. And learning while they're sitting talking to us. And just learning for life.

A great idea is, when you're having suppertime in the evening, and you're all around the table together. You love to have family conversation. I think that's a very important thing that we do remember that when we have a meal, when we have supper with our children. It’s not only to feed them some food for their hungry tummies.

At the table, we don't only feed our children physically. We feed their soul, and their spirit. We feed their soul as we have that communication together. We talk with one another. To do that, we need to be purposeful, because otherwise I find that, sometimes, if you're not purposeful, the conversation doesn't go anywhere. You talk about nothing.

Sometimes you have to ask a question. Other times, you bring a subject to the table and say, “Children, what do you think about this?” And get them to talk about this subject, which could be something from the Bible, or political, or spiritual, or geographical, about some country, or whatever. Or just some interesting thing.

But here's a good little question for homeschoolers. You could say to your children and do it every now and then. “Now, children, I want every one of you to tell me something new that you have learned today.” So we go round the table, and each child has a turn, plus Mommy and Daddy, because they want to hear from us, too! And we can't be excused.

So we each have to tell something new that we have learned. Because I'm a great believer in learning something new every day. What about you, Jessica?

Jessica: Yes, very much.

Nancy: I think that's a great goal to have, to learn something new every day. Not to get through your lessons because you can get . . . Children can go through their lessons and they haven't remembered one thing!

So, we get around the table, “OK, children,” and each one has a turn. Now, if each of your children cannot tell you something new that they have learned, well, it might be a good idea to change your way of teaching. You see, we're better to learn just one new thing, than try and have a whole lot of lessons. It's such a . . . Learning something that becomes part of you. That's real education.

When they can share about it, then it will become even more part of them, when they share about it, and communicate it. Maybe you could integrate that into your whole vision for your educating of your children. And for yourself. 

Learn as a family. Myself, and each of the children, just seeking to learn, just one new thing every day. Even if it's one new word. Sometimes it will be a practical thing, other times it may be some little snippet of knowledge.

Or even a new word to teach your children in their vocabulary. Because that's another thing, we don't want our children to become dumbed down. We want them to be advancing, also, in their vocabulary. What do you think about that, Jessica?

Jessica: Yes, I agree. So we actually also have a daily time where we discuss. We try to have family meals. Well, we and our family try to have family meals three times a day.

Nancy: Absolutely! Amen!

Jessica: In the morning and evening. Most of the time, in the morning, my husband is there, too. He shares from the Scriptures. We discuss, discuss not in the sense of questioning, not in the negative sense. We discuss, what is God speaking to us? Sometimes we look up the specific word. We find that it's really guiding our conversation.

We also have book discussions where we read together as a family, we read a classic together. Then we talk about it. It's a great way to guide conversation at home, and to re-instill and re-affirm values that we live. We can talk about, “Oh, what do you think about how they handled this situation? Would you have liked to be with this grandfather?”

All kinds of things can come up in these conversations. We get to really, I think, live the lives of others, and see through the eyes of others, and learn so many lessons by doing this.

Nancy: Oh, yes! That's so true. Often, I will say . . . Of course, my children are all grown, and I would do this from time to time when they were growing up. Not all the time, but even now, when I have a few young people living in our home, I will say, “All right, this evening I want you to bring a poem to the table to read.”

Maybe sometimes it would be that everyone has a turn. Other times, I would ask one particular person to bring a poem to read at the table tonight.” They can read it, say why they chose it and like it, and we can all discuss it.

You can think of lots of little things you can do. Maybe even a book they're reading. Ask them “OK, Johnny, tonight, you know that book you're reading? I want you to find one paragraph in that book that you really like and read it to us tonight at the table.” Then you can all talk about it.

You can think of loads of things like that to do. You can even spice up your meal tables and make them more exciting too. Do you have any different things you do at meal tables? Of course, apart from your family devotions and the Word of God. Because that's when we get to the end of our meal and feed the spirit of our children, which is the most important part. But communication and conversation are very important. There are so many fun things we can do to spice that up. Do you do anything like that?

Jessica: Well, one thing I like to do, and this is not so much about talking. It's more about presenting. In Germany, we have this thing, “I eat with you.” So I make it a thing to make every time our family table to make it beautiful.

I'm not so much of a tablecloth person, but we do tablecloths. We try to do it in the evening. But still, we decorate our table. We put fresh fruits, even just for decoration, in between our foods and sometimes the kids bring flowers and leaves.

They get excited about us spending that time together. We all make it in a way that we can stay together for the entire meal. It's like our family time together. It’s not just to grab food.

Nancy: That's right

Jessica: You know, to be together.

Nancy: Yes. And I think if you think of these little extra things, that it helps them to want to stay and talk about them. I think it's great when the children themselves are actually decorating the table.

We can get them to have turns, you know. OK, it's their turn for tonight. Or maybe they have a week where it's their turn. They can think of all the most creative things that they want to bring each night. They can bring something different to the table to decorate it, or to put on it as something. “OK, I want us to talk about that tonight.”

So let's be creative. Always think about new things that we can do. I think that's a great fun thing to do for the table.

ENCOURAGE THE CHILDREN TO PLAY CREATIVELY

Getting back to little ones, because you've got all ages, you've got 12, 10, 6, and 3, little Miriam, she's just little. I think at that age, they love to play. To me, play is a very important thing for children. I used to love to give my children opportunity to play creatively. Just to enjoy playing.

They didn't . . . not so much with toys. I think toys are so boring. I mean, what do you do with this toy? You have to just sort of play with it, then you're sick of it after a few minutes.

But actually, I used to love to watch my children. They would be so intent. I can remember when Serene was a little girl. Sometimes she'd have her friend over. They would rearrange my whole lounge and dining room. They would get all the chairs and line them up because it was going to be a train.

They had all these things that they were doing. Maybe they would be making a castle. I would always keep two things. I always kept in my home. One was a dress-up box. I still have my dress-up box, because the children love to dress up. Of course, the girls, they love to dress up as princesses.

I didn't always have beautiful princess dresses for them. I had curtains, and old sheets, and material. Oh goodness me, they could just make themselves look amazing! And creative. But you know, the girls were still a princess or a queen. They'd dress up like that.

I'd have another place where they'd have old sheets and eiderdowns which they could use and get out to make huts and castles. Of course, they'd have to get all my furniture and chairs around to fix them. Sometimes they'd play for a whole morning, getting ready to make it for something special. By the time they had finished creating, they were so worn out. I'd give them lunch, and they'd go to bed to sleep.

But their being so busy working on this thing, that it was play, but it was really . . . it was intense work! What do you think about play?

Jessica: Yeah. Well, I'm fascinated sometimes when I watch my children. They spend forever making this great fort, and then by the time it's done . . .

Nancy: They don't play in it!

Jessica:  They are done!

Nancy: They don't actually ever play in it! The whole work, well, actually, it was work. But play is meant to be work, and work is meant to be play. It was all getting it, making it, wasn't it? That's what my children would do. They'd be worn out when they were finished, but never actually played in the thing. Or ever play in the special hut they made. But oh, they spent hours preparing it.

Jessica: Yes, yes. When I was a young mother, we used to buy a lot of toys and all kinds of stuff, things. Because we wanted, after three miscarriages, we wanted the best of the best for our child. But the truth is, he never really played with any of it.

All he played with, he would take down part of the little plastic table, and he would remove the legs and stick them together and make a little pretend, like a leaf floor. He would go around and put the Hoover pipe on it and pretend he was going to blow the leaves in the neighborhood.

Over the years, we really downsized on toys. Our children have never really missed anything, Sometimes I'm scared to see that we don't really use toys, because it seems weird in our society today. There's so many for sale.

But the things my children enjoy to play with most, is sticks, blankets, balls, and anything they can make themselves. And when they are little, they love to have my pots and bowls from the kitchen .

Then when I put some little rice in there, or some little flour, or even sand, and maybe, what, it depends on how ready I am for another day for mess. Just to put it there and give them some mixing spoons, oh, they can spend hours, to fill it from pot to pot to pot and stir it and pretend to cook it and serve it into little bowls.

PLAY IS WORK AND WORK IS PLAY

Nancy: Yes, and cardboard boxes, and things like that. It's amazing what they can make with these things. They are very creative if we give them the opportunity. I've got a few quotes about play here.

“Play is our brain's favorite way of learning. The opposite of play is not work. It's suppression.” Because that is true, I believe. I find you can be working so hard, but if you love what  you're doing, it's like play, isn't it? That's what life is meant to be like. We're meant to, as we work, it's just such fun, that we're really playing!

In fact, I think that we should even see our motherhood like this. Not, “Oh, it's hard work.” I just can't believe the attitudes that many mothers have, that they always seem to have this very negative thing. “Oh, I'm so overwhelmed! It so hard work.”

I believe we've just got to change our attitude! See, motherhood is fun! You have children around you who love to have fun! They want life to be fun. They love to play. Also, as they see you, where you are, what are you doing? Even the dishes, even the work of cleaning around the house. See it as play. You can make work into play. It all depends on your attitude. Work can become playing. Play can become work.

Another quote says: “You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.” I love that one.

“Children come into the world exquisitely designed, and strongly motivated to educate themselves. Coercion undermines their natural desire to learn.”

Oh, that is so true. Our children do love to learn. And they love to learn what they're interested in. If it's something that is not related to them, it's often too hard to get them really motivated. But they will be motivated to do anything that they're interested in. That takes sighting. As we let them do that, we begin to see where their bent is, and where their giftings are. Each one will be so different.

Let me see, what else have I got here? “We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” That's a famous one, isn't it? But yes, this is what you were saying, Jessica. Children don't need more toys. They need more adventures. Yes! I know you love to take your children on adventures, don't you?

Jessica: Yes, I'm an adventurer myself. But it wasn't always like that. Or I should say, I didn't always allow myself to be an adventurer, even as a mother.

In my early years, I thought that I had to fit into a certain mold of mother. Like my house had to look a certain way, and I had to do certain things. I felt like there were all these outside expectations. But really, they were just in my mind.

There was really nobody who came and said, “Well,  you should have a different set of dishes.” Or “Your house should be looking like this or that.” They were just things that I put onto myself.

Sometimes we end up comparing ourselves so much to others that we lose our own selves. It's so important to discover, or rediscover, who we are. What makes us play. You know, for me, doing projects is play. Maybe it's not for you. Maybe art is play. Or maybe music is play. We don't all look the same, so our motherhood and our homeschooling too, will not look the same.

Nancy: Yes. Oh, Jessica, you've hit on something that is so true. Dear precious ladies, you don't have to mother like everyone else! You mother according to who you are, and who God created you to be. That's how you will mother the best.

I look at my own daughters. Many of you have got to know them through Above Rubies, and of course, through Trim Healthy Mama. But I look at the way Evangeline, the way Pearl, the way Serene have mothered their children through the years.

And each one of them, they mother differently from each other. I mean, those three girls are the greatest ,closest friends, they're not just sisters, they're friends! But they are all so different! And they all mother so differently. They all run their homes so differently. Each one of us are different.

The things that . . . I have to give you a little confession here. I actually don't like playing board games. They bore me to tears! I'd rather be doing something constructive.

And yet, so many people just love them! And that's so great, and they have wonderful times with their families playing board games. So if you love that, you just make it a wonderful thing with your family.

I just had to do it out of kindness. Well, yes, you have to do it. I didn't like it. But there were other things that I love doing! So I would love doing them with my family. The things that you love doing are going to be more fun that you do with your family, because you love doing them, so you want to put more passion into them. Isn't it true?

Jessica: Yeah, I think one lesson that was very important for me to learn was to move away from motherhood obligations to motherhood passion. It's a choice. It's a choice. It's a choice for us to embrace motherhood.

I’M NOT GIVING UP ANYTHING TO BE A MOM

It took me a while to realize that I'm not giving anything up to be a mom. I'm not missing out on anything. But actually I'm set free to spend that time to have the greatest impact on the lives that are being entrusted to me during that season.

But also to go through a phase of becoming, because I think children, the best way to disciple children, is childhood. And then spend within the setting of the family. The best place for us to be discipled as parents, as adults, is really parenthood, motherhood, and fatherhood.

Because that is where we see what is really important in life, areas we need to grow into, the importance of guarding, discovering who we really are, and what we stand for. What we enjoy doing. What are our gifts to the world? And then to learn to live them, and to grow into them. Yeah.

Nancy: Yes, so lovely. Thank you,  Jessica, for all these beautiful things you have shared with us. We've been talking about life learning and how wonderful it is.

Of course, in all our life learning, we're going to be bringing God into it all, because He's part of every part of life. He's part of play, He's part of nature, He's part of everything little thing they learn, everything that we want to teach them, God is in it, so He will be preeminent in everything we're teaching them. Of course, underlying all these wonderful things, and projects, and life learning, we're going to teach our children, we will also make sure that we are diligently, and richly, filling them with God's Word.

That also doesn't happen in great big lessons. No, even God's Word, He wants us to do it, little by little. That's what He says: “I want you to teach My Word diligently to your children.” When? When you rise up. When you're sitting down and talking together. When you're riding in the car. When you're lying down. Whatever you're doing, it's just part of life.

So we've got to get the Word into us, so that we've got it there to be able to teach to our children at any moment. I love these words in Isaiah 28:9-12, “Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breast. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”

That's a beautiful concept. You see, God is showing here the greatest way to learn is just, here a little, there a little. Precept upon precept. Just a little precept, but then another one on top of it. And another one on top of it. It's all going in. But it's just little by little.

And then it goes on to say, “This is the rest, and this is the refreshing.” This is the way to teach our children that is restful and refreshing. That's how He wants us to be. He wants it to be a refreshing thing for us, a refreshing thing for our children. So He shows us the way to do it. Little by little, line upon line, precept upon precept.

So you don't have to get bogged down and think, “I have to get through every one of these lessons today!” No! Live life and teach at the same time. Any last little to thing to add, Jessica, as we close?

Jessica: Yes, well, I learn as much every day, both through the Scripture and also the life we live, and the lessons we go through, as much as they do. So we learn alongside each other.

It's not that I know it all, and they learn. But even when we go through the Bible, I learn as much as they do. That really is what makes learning fun, and family life together like this fun.

Nancy: Amen!

“Oh, thank You, Father, for the way You show us how to nurture our children and raise our children. We thank You that it is such a beautiful thing, to enjoy them, to live life with them, to do things together with them.

Oh, God, I pray that, Lord, the precious mothers who feel very bogged down with all the responsibility, that You will lift them up, and You will give them a vision of how to enjoy their children, Lord, just as You do.

It tells us in your Word how You rejoice over us with singing. You delight in us, Lord. Help us rejoice over our children, to delight in them. And to enjoy teaching them and living life with them. That it will become our rest and become our refreshing. We ask it in the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.”

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Jessica has two articles in the current Above Rubies, #98.

MY PATH TO HEALING

CHARACTER BUILDING PRAYER BOX

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