Don’t you love this picture? Of all the animals in the world God chose to call us His sheep. Sheep cannot survive without a shepherd. nor can we.
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Above Rubies Daily Encouragement Blogs
Through the weekly and daily devotionals you can be constantly encouraged in your great role of parenting, the highest career in the nation. You can also stay updated on what's happening with the Above Rubies ministry.
A smiling mother changes the attitude of her home.
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It is the devil who hates submission.
1 Corinthians 15:28 tells us that God has put everything under His Son and then Jesus puts everything under the Father. Neither are vying for power but submission.
If it is the nature of God why don’t we want it to be part of nature?
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Here is the second part for you today:My children fight with each other. What's wrong with me?
I know, I know. I, too, have read the home school magazine articles about families that love each other all the time and never fight. I've even talked to a family that said this was the case in their home. Mums, they just aren't being honest with us! Or else they aren't aware of what their children are doing when the parents aren't within eve or earshot.
We can have a zero tolerance of unloving behaviour toward one another. This means that if we hear the children bickering, name calling, etc. or see them beating the stuffing's out of each other, we can put a stop to it, referee the difficulty, and insist that they ask forgiveness of each other. We can instruct them in kindness, selflessness, and serving others before they serve themselves.
However, we can't keep them from initially getting into squabbles. Our children have sinful natures and will sometimes (many times?) choose to act in wrong ways. Each one of them has a free will of his own, just as we adults do, and sometimes they blow it, just as we do. The difference is, by the time we reach adulthood, hopefully we have learned how to settle differences more calmly, and hopefully we are more deferent to the desires of others. Our goal is to train our children in being loving and kind to others. It takes persistence and consistency. And sometimes we will feel like giving up, or just won't feel like dealing with it right then. Determine to do your best at dealing with the squabbles, but don't beat up on yourself if you aren't 100% consistent. None of us are 100% consistent. Over all, they will still learn to behave rightly.
I can't get organized.
Every year millions of dollars are spent on self-help books and closet organizers by women with this guilt trip. I suspect that the majority of us are not "Cleanies" by nature. How we envy those who do have a gift for organization and a forever-neat house! They are the exception, not the rule, ladies!
Let's be realistic. Before you had children, your house was cleaner than it is now. That's because there were less people in it to help dirty it up. When you began home schooling, the house took another slide. It's about priorities and the time available. It's hard to teach the children for several hours a day, and still get all the cleaning done that you used to do in those same several hours. Get the children to help as much as they are able but expect the house to be somewhat shabbier than it used to be.
It is a good thing to be disciplined, orderly, and neat. We shouldn't just throw up our hands in defeat and quit trying. We do want to teach our children to be orderly, and model it for them. But sometimes our standards are ridiculously high, and very often we are basing those standards on how we perceive some other person's neatness to be, or on a “Better Homes and Gardens” magazine, rather than on what God would have of us.
I don't cook wonderful meals.
We try to follow the old "Four Basic Food Groups that I learned as a child, try to get enough fibre, and don't worry a whole lot about whether the food is fancy anymore.
Don't let food obsessers lay false guilt upon you. Eating healthy foods can become a god. However, if God is speaking to you about getting eating habits in order, neither should you brush Him off and automatically assume it is false guilt. The watchword is balance.
In summary.
So, how do we deal with guilt? The first thing we need to do is ascertain where the guilt is coming from. Is it conviction from the Holy Spirit that we have sin in our lives? If so, we need to repent, and then leave it at the cross of Jesus. Once a sin has been repented of, it is washed away, and any guilt attached to it from that point on is a false guilt. If the sin comes up again, we can repent again, determine to deal with it until we have a complete victory, and look to the Lord to help us conquer it. "Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ . . . ” (2 Corinthians 2:14).
Most of the time, when we feel guilty about our mothering skills, it is an exalted, idealized notion in our own minds of how we should be, rather than a realistic picture of how we can be. Many times the unattainable standard of perfection that we set for ourselves has nothing to do with holiness verses sin. It’s just an idea that we have, and something that the Lord is not expecting of us. We need to discern the difference between our own ideas and God's standard for us.
We are not alone in the guilt battle. I am speaking to myself, sisters, as much as to any of you. There is comfort in understanding that we all struggle with this problem. Not one of us is a "freak" because we suffer with guilt.
Jesus has enough mercy, grace, and all-sufficiency in Himself to more than make up for our parenting mistakes. If we humble ourselves enough to ask our children to forgive us when we err against them, they will forgive. If we pray diligently for them to grow up right in the Lord, He will hear our prayers and faithfully answer. His love covers a multitude of our sins, weaknesses, and failings.
May Jesus give us grace to go on in Him, be the best mums we can be, and leave the results in His hands.
© 2002 by Lee Ann Rubsam. All rights reserved.
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Does anyone relate?I thought you may be blessed by this article. I will print half today and half tomorrow.
You've probably experienced it. Most of us have. The Guilty Mum Syndrome.
It gets its grip on us in a variety of ways, sometimes expected, sometimes taking us completely off guard— the Mother's Day sermon; the sentimental poem about what it means to be the perfect mother; the home school magazine with the elegant, smiling mother on the front, surrounded by her happy (and equally elegant) family; the home school conference with the “I've-got-it-all-together-and-I'm-going-to-help-you-get-it-all-together-too speaker;” the Character Building for Families book that you hope will solve all your family's problems—but instead makes you feel like more of a failure than you already suspect you are.
Guilty Mum Syndrome is one of my weaknesses, and if what I frequently hear from other women is any indication, I would guess that hardly any mother in America is completely immune. There is comfort in knowing that we're not alone, that others have been there—
and still go there frequently.
No, the Character Building for Families lady isn't perfect. Neither are her children. Yes, I do struggle with the concepts (still!) that we have laid out in our books. Our girls still get sloppy about obeying promptly the first time they are told, so we work on it again. I still haven't got the “Mum-isn't-going-to-yell-anymore “thing down. But I'm working on it, and repenting when I fail. Every time we go through Character Building for Families again, I get convicted, and I get my character built a little bit more. I hope the children do, too.
My husband, wonderful man that he is, puts the balance in my life. When he sees me down in the dumps about what a terrible mother I am, he reminds me that our children love the Lord with all their hearts, that they are well-adjusted, happy people, that they aren't neglected or abused. And he encourages me to pick up the pieces of my emotions and go on. He doesn't understand why I go through Guilty Mum Syndrome, but he helps me deal with it.
My children don't understand either. When I am less than kind, they forgive and keep on loving me. I, on the other hand, may beat up on myself for days, or dredge it all up again weeks later. They think this is weird. They are right.
The funny thing about Guilty Mum Syndrome is that it doesn't just hit us when we have actually sinned against the children. It is also triggered by comparing ourselves to exalted ideals we have created in our own minds, or that other people try to put on us.
Here are some of the main areas of guilt that I hear about from mums:
My children aren't motivated.
No, and neither are most everybody else's. Think back to when you were a child attending school. Did you like school— every class, every moment? Probably not.
Let's face it: many things we have to learn in life are not fun. Many children don't like math. Many don't like language arts or music lessons. Some don't like any of their school subjects. It isn't your fault. Doing schoolwork takes self-discipline and perseverance, most admirable character qualities to develop in our children. Our sinful nature is basically lazy. Developing self-discipline and learning to say "no" to our flesh is a life-time growing experience, so why should it surprise us that our children don't like to do things that take effort?
Tell your children that it doesn't matter if they like their schoolwork or not. They are going to do it. It doesn't hurt to gently remind them that schoolwork is their job for Jesus, and that they should do it well for His sake. There have been times when I have reminded my children to get back at their studies about every five minutes. It is a frustrating thing for a mum. Sometimes it makes us want to sit down and bawl.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, however. Keep after them, and by the time they reach young adulthood, they will show signs of maturity, responsibility, and (gasp!) even motivation. Honest! I've seen it happen in my oldest daughter. I have this theory that the love of learning kicks in after we become adults.
My children aren't perfect in public.
Every parent has felt the embarrassment of Johnny doing some stupid thing in public. And it is always worse when it happens at church. It is even worse yet if you are a home school mum, trying to prove to the world that your child is not a social misfit due to home schooling. (In fact, you might just be trying to prove to the world that your children are better than everyone else's because you do home school!) You know the kinds of things children do (and these are just the "church" infractions) - a sudden bout of disrespect that leaves you with your mouth hanging open (guaranteed to happen in front of the pastor's wife or the Sunday School superintendent), kicking little sister until she yelps (at the precise moment that the pastor pauses for emphasis in his sermon), spitting on another child just as Deacon Jones walks by. It makes a mum want to cry. Dads take this stuff in stride, but mums . . . well, we just wonder where we've failed.
Children do dumb things. All of them. Some more than others, but still, all of them. It isn't major crime, it's just immaturity. But we mums tend to beat up on ourselves about it. Maybe children's immaturity is one tool that God uses to keep us humble.
© 2002 by Lee Ann Rubsam. All rights reserved.
I’ll post Part 2 tomorrow.
~ Nancy
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Hidden BeautyI know a busy mother
With a thousand daily cares,
Who says each time I meet her,
“I’ve just found some more grey hairs!
It’s the housework and the children,
That are turning my hair grey,
All these problems and pressures,
Are just wearing me away.”
And I wonder as I listen,
While she frets about her curls,
If she had ever looked at a diamond
Or admired the glow of pearls.
If an oyster had a problem
And some sand gets in its shell,
If it covers it with beauty
And makes a pearl as well.
And a worthless lump of carbon
Hidden deep within the earth,
Changes form because of pressure,
And a diamond is given birth.
Without problems and without pressure
They would both have been sand or coal,
So let’s be thankful that our problems,
Can help to make a lovely soul.
~ Author unknown
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The attitude you have to your husband will affect the attitude he has to you.
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Your home is God’s gift to you, whether it is a little home or a large home. God created the home for the woman before he brought her into the world. He had the home waiting for her. Eve woke up to life in the place God created for her. The Garden of Eden means “delight.”This is God’s plan for the home.
Don’t vacate your home. Embrace it. Build it up. Pour into your home to make it a place that everyone in your family loves to be.
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Dear mother, as you tend to your children in your home you are right where God wants you to be. You are in the perfect will of God. Be content and rest in the glory of your high calling from God. Did I say rest? And yet you feel as if you are overworked and underslept! Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed but as you embrace your calling and relax in it you will experience God helping you. When you have the right mind attitude it changes everything.
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Grumbling and complaining is not the way,Keep your eyes on Jesus to have a good day!
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If I engage in too many things,I won’t be good at “any things.”
And I won’t have time for
Prayer that changes things!
~ Joy Witheford
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Lord, please bless our home sweet home,
Grant it love and cheer;
May the folks You bring to us,
Feel Your presence here.
Cast out thoughts of wrath and hate,
Cause all strife to cease,
Clear the air of fear and doubt,
Fill each room with peace.
If we stray from off the path,
Lead our steps aright,
Walk with us through each new day,
Hold us close at night.
May Your angels watch o'er us,
As we go down life's road,
Please make Yourself at home,
Dear Lord, Abide in our abode.
~Author Unknown
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I thought that the Queen of Sheba came to visit Solomon because of his fame, wisdom, and all his riches. However, I noticed in 1 Kings 10:1 that there was more to her curiosity. Let’s read what it really says: “And when the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon CONCERNING THE NAME OF THE LORD, she came to prove him with hard questions.”Her biggest interest was because of the name of the Lord. We notice this again in 1 Chronicles 2:1: “And Solomon determined to build a house FOR THE NAME OF THE LORD.” This was Solomon’s passion.
What is your passion as you build your home? Is it to have the most beautiful décor? Or do you want your home to be a home where the name of the Lord is honored, uplifted, and magnified? In every room. In every life. In the atmosphere.
The name of the Lord is so powerful. All God’s attributes are revealed in His names. Do we know these attributes? Are we experiencing them in our homes? Are we teaching these attributes to our children? May our children be in awe of His name. May people around know that our home belongs to the name of the Lord.
Through the name of Jesus we can defeat the devil, have power over temptation, and receive answers to prayer. We are more than conquerers through His name. His name is a strong tower into which we can run.
Does the fame of His name go out from your home to your neighborhood? Is your passion to build a home to honor the name of the Lord?
Blessings to your home today,
Nancy Campbell
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Ever since my childhood
I dreamed of marriage and motherhood
But I suppressed that dream and made another choice
For I listened to the deceiver’s voice
I sought to perform like all my friends
And I set my sights on empty ends
I got my education from the world
And learned some things that are not good for a girl
Because . . .
I BOUGHT A LIE!
I know of a couple who grieves their sin
Of rejecting the blessings God intended for them
They felt overwhelmed with young children
So she got fixed though she was not broken
Years later she longer for another one
And it was costly to reverse the damage done
Now they recognize God is in control
And will never again try to take His role
For she cries . . .
I BOUGHT A LIE!
I know a woman who lives with great pain,
Due to the memory of the child she had slain
Many proclaimed that it was her choice
And she did not recognize the deceiver’s voice
She has since repented and trusted Christ
And He has forgiven her and changed her life
She shares this truth with those who are grieved
And tries to keep others from being deceived
She tells them . . .
I BOUGHT A LIE!!
Will we serve self, or will we serve Christ?
Will we promote death, or will we promote life?
Will we seek God’s glory or seek man’s praise?
Will we humble ourselves and walk in His ways?
Will we train up God’s soldiers to wage this war?
Or will we tell Him we don’t want any more?
Will you seek God’s guidance for every choice?
Or will you listen to the deceiver’s voice?
A hope you never have to say . . .
I BOUGHT A LIE!
~ Paula Thorson
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I BOUGHT A LIE – IT’S A SONG
After posting the poem above, "I BOUGHT A LIE", Paula contacted me. Paula was originally one of my very first Above Rubies helpers years ago. She is now the mother of teens. The poem is actually a song Paula wrote and she has given me the link to the song if you would like to check it out.
By Paula Smith (nee Thorson)
And her current email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
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Motherhood does not end when the last child leaves the home. We are mothers until we meet Jesus. We will always be nurturing. A hurting world waits for mothering and nurturing hearts. And we as older mothers must keep showing the way of Nurturing and mothering to the next generation of mothers. We don’t do this by leaving the home. We must show the right example.
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We either build up or destroy our marriage and our children by the words that we speak to them. Be a builder, not a destroyer.
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Never underestimate the power of daily praying with your family. Imagine if every Christian family prayed daily for this nation! What great answers to prayer we would see. Praying families are nation changing families. Praying families are world changing families.
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A mother has a ministryThat all too soon will pass,
Too often held in low esteem,
But its influence will last.
She daily shapes eternal souls,
Patterns life skills, sets the goals,
Guides and counsels, eases pain,
This season will not come again.
The world would lure her out the door,
Thinking that there must be more
Than dirty faces, grimy hands,
And constant things that home demands.
But nothing on the earth compares
With the awesome role she shares
Of being to her girls and boys
Their greatest source of earthly joy.
Other interests sure will keep
Until she rocks her babes to sleep,
Things can wait, the time will come
When she won't have these little ones.
As she seeks God's kingdom first,
He'll fill her plate and quench her thirst,
For what it is she's looking for
Lives there with her, not out the door.
So, if you have a precious child,
Cherish them this little while,
Shun the pressure that could make,
Their longing for you to forsake.
That time to serve them fast will fly,
And then you'll wish for days gone by.
VAL HALLORAN
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Have you heard the recent news of how Paul Vaughn (a loving father of 11 children) and five others are branded as “convicted felons” and could expect 10.5 years in prison for singing hymns at an abortion clinic?A few months ago, I interviewed Bethany, Paul’s wife, who tells the story of how the FBI raided their home in the early hours of one morning, grabbing her husband at gunpoint without even a warrant. The following is a poem one of her children wrote after that traumatic event:
Banging, Banging, Banging at our front door,
“Who has come?” we ask, “our neighbors for sure.”
But alas, no. Agents armed to the teeth,
Guns drawn and their fury on us, release.
Handcuffed, absent from wallet, keys, and phone,
Agents take dad away, hearts cold as stone,
Lights flashing and engines whirl as they go,
We, left in shock, disbelief, and woe.
Ev’n in midst of horror, we still survive
And will know: Demons don’t just arrive
To break our bodies and steal our gold,
Rather, they try to ransom to Satan our souls.
So fight now and stand for the preborn’s cause!
Stand against tyranny and wicked laws,
Though in jail, your destination may wait,
In heaven, your reward shall be great!
Then last month, January, they went to trial. After six exhausting days and continual false accusations Vaugn and five others were found guilty. Here is a little excerpt from Bethany as they continue to trust their lives into God’s keeping:
“On January 30, 2024, a Nashville jury, after about 3 hours of deliberation, found all 6 defendants guilty on all charges, (each defendant had 2 charges each: FACE Act Violation and Conspiracy). A sentencing date is set for July 2, 2024. An appeal will be forthcoming. We walked out of the courthouse after the verdict and gathered with a large group of family and friends and sang to the Lord.
“While this is a heavy outcome for our family, it is still a glorious one that Christ has chosen for us to bear. Jesus is Lord and He rules and reigns from on high . . . His Story is the best story. If we believe Christ and we understand that we were born for such a time as this, we can rejoice wherever we find ourselves and trust that He who began a good work in us will be so faithful to complete that work He started! We can joyfully commit our souls to our faithful Creator and, though the storms rage all around us, be still and know that He is God!”
Please pray for the Vaugn family and the others who were also sentenced.
Go to this link to read more of the story:
If you didn’t get to hear the two interviews with Bethany Vaughn, you can go to these links:
277. THE VALUE OF LIFE
Introducing Bethany Vaughn, wife of Paul Vaughn who faces up to 11 years in prison for saving babies. Bethany, mother of 11 children and 8 grandchildren (so far) tells the beginning of their story. And guess how Bethany was dressed when her husband proposed! Check it out.
278. “VIOLENT CRIMINALS”
These are the words our government and the FBI call God-loving, children-loving, freedom-loving families. Bethany Vaughn is with me again today as she tells the horrific story of how the FBI kidnapped her husband in the early hours of the morning at gunpoint, without even showing a warrant! Do you really know what is happening in our country?
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
Picture: Paul and Bethany Vaughn at the Court with their youngest daughter and four of their grandchildren.
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