LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 254: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 6

Continuing our discussion about etiquette, which is often missing in our society today. It's not being passed on to the next generation. Today, we discuss what to do and how to act when we are asked to other people's homes.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! We’re back again, talking about transmitting God’s ways to the next generation. We’re talking about the table.

Here’s a question for you. How do you eat at your table? With a knife and fork. Or with a fork? Well, of course, I’m talking to people all over the world. You have your different ways. Those who are of English descent, like I am, you will, of course, be eating with a knife and fork. Most Americans these days have discarded the knife. They only eat with a fork.

But we’d better look into this a little more, shall we? Since coming to America, Colin and I have been here for over 30 years now, I have to confess that I have discarded some of my English ways. I will invariably eat with a fork. I find that it is most relaxing.

Not Colin! He sits there with his knife and his fork, his fork turned with the prongs downwards, even putting his peas on the top of the fork like you are meant to do for proper etiquette. I couldn’t even do that when I lived in New Zealand! It was impossible! But anyway, he still does that.

I noticed these days, that most Americans just put a fork out when they’re setting the table. However, if you look at etiquette, you can go anywhere online, or in any etiquette book, even Americans should still have a knife and fork. Remember, the knife goes on the right-hand side, the fork on the left.

Why should Americans still have a knife? Because, if you have meat on your plate, you are meant to cut it with the knife. So, you hold the fork in your left hand, and you cut it into pieces with your knife. Then, it’s very American, you put your knife down. Then again, put your fork in your right hand, and start enjoying eating your meal with your fork, because that’s how Americans love to do it. And I also do.

But you are still really, for proper etiquette, required to put a knife, because it is etiquette to cut your meat, not try to cut it with a fork and it’s slipping all over the place. No, that’s not how it’s meant to be done. So, lovely ladies, I’m bringing you back to how things are meant to be, even American.

You can think, “Oh, no, I have to get a knife out as well.” But these are only little things. They don’t take much extra work. You are passing on what is right to the next generation when they have their family. Otherwise, it’s completely lost. It’s just about lost in our society today, except if you go a restaurant. If you go to a restaurant, you see how a table is to be set. They still set the table properly in restaurants.

Now, at home, you usually have a simpler meal, so you only need the knife and fork. But if you’re having more than one course, you’ll have more utensils. If you’re going to do that, you have to set the table with the utensil that you’re going to eat first. That is on the outer edge. Then the next utensil for the next meal that you will eat, and so on, right down into the middle. That’s the way you do it, ladies.

Oh, and of course, you teach your children never to lick their knife. Oh, it’s so easy for children to do that, isn’t it? That’s why I still keep my English tradition of having a butter plate with a butter knife.

I have people come into my home, and they don’t even know what a butter knife is! A butter knife is a little knife you have just for the butter. You take a piece of butter off the butter plate, and then put it on your plate. You’re not using your knife that you have used to go into the butter because we want to keep it clean and free of germs.

Oh, my brother nearly missed out on his beautiful bride because he licked his knife! When it was time to meet his bride’s parents, he went to their place. They were people who do everything just right. While he was eating, he licked his knife! Goodness me! I thought my parents had taught him better than that!

Well, afterwards, the parents came to my sister-in-law, Judy, and they said, “Well, I don’t think we want that sword-swallower for a son-in-law!” They weren’t very happy with him at all because he didn’t know manners. I often tell my grandsons that story so that they can be ready when they go off to their in-laws’ places, and meeting them for the first time, they will know how to behave!

That’s another thing about knives and forks. When you come to the end of the meal, and you can see this in any etiquette book, you don’t just leave your knife and fork, even your fork, just lying anywhere on the plate. No, when you have finished your meal, you put your knife and fork together and put it straight up and down in a six-o’clock position.

Or you can leave it diagonally to a five-o’clock position, but still keeping it together. That shows your hostess that you have finished a meal, and you are satisfied. If you leave your fork and knife open, that means, “I want more,” and you’re waiting for them to pass you more food. That’s a very important thing to know too.

What about napkins? Well, mainly at home we just use disposable napkins. I guess you do. I do, here at home. When I have visitors, I like to use cloth napkins because it’s more formal. There are etiquette rules for cloth napkins. When you set the table, they are to be set on the left-hand side of the plate.

When everyone comes to sit at the table, they pick up their napkin, and they lay it on their lap. That is the first thing you do when you come to the table. You can’t really do that with your disposable things, the little flimsy things. I don’t think there are any rules for disposable ones. But for the cloth napkins, this is what you’re meant to do.

Now, if you have to get up to go the bathroom during the meal, you can put your napkin, which is on your lap, you can put it on the left of your plate, or on your chair, either. When you have finished your meal, you will then once again put it on the left of your plate.

Then there are some other little rules. Don’t ever tuck your napkin into your collar, like a bib. That’s for the men. Don’t tuck it into your bodice. It’s to always be on your lap, except when you pick it up to wipe your mouth, or dab your mouth, as you are eating and drinking throughout the meal.

OK, ladies, that was just a few things of table etiquette. I have a package of etiquette posters. I have seven posters in each packet. You can go to www.AboveRubies.org, and you can get them. I have a whole page on table etiquette. Then I have lots of others. I have church etiquette. Yes, we need to know how we’re to act in church. We have speech etiquette. I have workforce etiquette. Young people need to know proper etiquette when they’re going out to get jobs.

Home etiquette. Daily life etiquette. And receiving hospitality etiquette. I think today we’ll look at a few of those. But we have all these available. They’re all colored, with artwork. You can get them. You can laminate them. You can use them as placemats at the table, or you can pin them on your wall, in your toilet. When your children are just staring at space, they might as well be learning etiquette. You will find them a good idea.

Just a few little etiquette tips when receiving hospitality, when you are asked to go to someone else’s home. Some of you may say, “Well, I don’t think I’ve even been asked to someone else’s home. Well, that is very sad, because in the body of Christ, we are meant to be a hospitable people. We are meant to be eating together in one another’s homes. That’s what the Bible tells us.

Let me go to my Bible right now. We need to be reminded. We’ve got so far away from the beginning of Christianity which is meant to be the lifestyle of Christianity for us today. In Acts chapter two, this is what they did. Acts 2:41-42: “Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine.” They were hanging onto all the teaching that they could possibly get.

“And fellowship.” Fellowship, of course, means getting together, usually over a meal. “And in breaking of bread.” That’s not just talking about communion. Breaking bread with one another is hospitality. “And prayers.”

Then we go down to verses 46 and 47. It’s repeated. “And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house.” That’s hospitality! “Did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.” Remember? They were daily meeting together, and fellowshipping with one another. God blessed them by daily adding to the church.

So, perhaps nobody’s ever asked you. You could ask somebody! You can maybe just ask a lonely widow. Just one person to add to your table. Maybe you could ask a single mom with her child. Or maybe you’d like to ask a family with children the same ages as your children. The children will have wonderful friendships as you learn to have fellowship with the couple. It’s such a beautiful thing.

BE ON TIME

If you are asked to a meal, be punctual. We should always be punctual to parties, weddings, social things that we’re invited to. And, of course, to a meal in a home. But there is a little exception. When you’re going to someone’s home for a meal, you can have a little grace of, maybe, maybe five minutes late, but no more than ten minutes, because, and I know what this is like, when you’re inviting people, there’s so much to do.

You’re getting the meal ready. You’re trying to get everything beautiful at the last minute. There are still things to do! Oh, you’re hoping! Sometimes I’ve thought, “Oh, I hope they don’t come on time, because I’m not quite ready!” Another five or so minutes gives the hostess that little time. You can think about that.

SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION

When you come you thank them for inviting you. You don’t just, oh, walk in the door. No, say, “Oh, thank you so much for inviting us! We’re so blessed to come. Thank you!” On the other hand, if you are the one giving hospitality, you have to have that same attitude, so that when people come, you make them feel welcome. You’ll say, “Oh, thank you for coming! We’re so glad that you came! What a blessing it is to have you in our home.”

MAKE YOUR GUESTS WELCOME

We do need to say these things, ladies, because a lot of people are not used to hospitality. They don’t feel very confident. They’ve never been to your home before. They need assurance. So, thank them for coming. Show them where to sit. Perhaps if you’ve got a little more to do before you sit at the table. When it's time to sit at the table, then show them to their seats.

Don’t just, “Well, sit anywhere!” You still don’t know where to sit! People have to be told, and it makes them feel more welcome. When I have time, I love to make name cards for my visitors. Sometimes I’ll not only put their name, but write a little couplet or a little line under their name, saying something about them that can encourage them. Then they can go to their name place.

If you haven’t written name places, then you will show them where each one will sit, so they don’t feel all crazy and not know what to do. That is so important. In fact, we even see in the Bible, isn’t it wonderful, ladies, oh, the Bible does not leave one thing out. Even in hospitality it shows us what to do. We have a number of points.

No. 1: We should receive our guests as if they were Jesus Himself.

Wow! Matthew 10:40: “He that receives you receives Me, and he that receives Me receives Him that sent Me.”

Matthew 25:40: “Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these, my brethren, you have done it unto Me.”

Acts 28:30: “And Paul dwelt two whole years in his own hired house, and received all that came in unto him.”

 Galatians 4:14: (this is talking about Paul) “You received me as an angel of God, even as Christ Jesus.” What a beautiful way to receive our guests! Amen?

That word, “received” in the Greek is a word that means, what a lovely meaning. The word is dechomai. It means “to welcome, to embrace heartily, reaching out eagerly to receive, looking for, waiting with earnest expectation.” You can’t wait for your guests to arrive and sit around your table to bless them! That’s what you’re doing.

Hospitality is not to impress people with how good you can cook. Maybe you’re a lousy cook! That doesn’t even matter. It’s inviting them to love them, and to bless them, to interact with them. That’s how it’s meant to be. In fact, that same word is used when we receive a child! Yes, Jesus wants us to receive the children He gives us with that same attitude.

No. 2: We should receive them with great joy.

In Philippians 2:29, Paul encouraged the Philippian saints to receive Epaphroditus “with all gladness.” Some translations say “with great joy.” One translation says: “Give him your most hearty welcome!”

No. 3: We should receive them in a manner worthy of saints.

Paul encouraged the Roman believers to care for Phoebe in this way. Romans 16:1-2: “That you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of saints, and that you assist her in whatever business she has need of you.” (The light’s pretty bad here. I can hardly see what I’m reading) “For indeed, she has been a helper of many, and of myself also.”

No. 4: We should receive them to the glory of God.

Romans 15:7: “Wherefore receive ye one another as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.”

No. 5: We should receive them in the Name of the Lord.

We see Abraham’s example. I’m going to read what happened when Abraham saw his guests. It says in Genesis 18:2: “He looked up and noticed three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he ran to meet them, and welcomed them, bowing low to the ground.

“My Lord,” he said, “if it pleases you, stop here for a while. Rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet. And since you’ve honored your servant with this visit, let me prepare some food to refresh you before you continue on your journey.” So, Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, “Hurry, get three large measures of your best flour. Knead it into dough and bake some bread.”

Then Abraham ran out to the herd and chose a tender calf, and gave it to his servant, who quickly prepared it. When the food was ready, Abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat, and he served it to the men. As they ate, Abraham waited on them in the shade of the tree.” You see such a beautiful welcoming there.

1. What did he do first? He ran to meet them! So, when we see our guests coming, we should go toward them. Go out the door, and say, “Oh, come on in! So great to have you!” Don’t just wait to find their own way in. No.
2.  He made his guests feel welcome, by bowing to them. Well, we don’t do that today. But at least we can show them honor and that we’re so glad to have them.
3. He made his guests feel welcome by making them comfortable. “Just sit here by the shade of the tree. Just rest yourselves while we go and prepare the meal.” He was thinking about their comfort.
4. He made his guests feel welcome by the prospect of tantalizing food.
5. He made his guests feel welcome by humbly serving them.
6. He made his guests feel welcome by escorting them on their departure. We read further on how, when it was time for them to go, Abraham didn’t say, “Well, bye! Nice to see you!” No, he walked with them. He walked with them. That was actually the usual thing back in those days. You would walk with your guests. Maybe a mile! Yes.

Colin and I like to do that. People have cars today, so we don’t go out walking with them a mile. But we live upstairs, so when it’s time for our guests to go, we don’t say, “Oh, bye. Nice to have you.” No, we always walk down the stairs with them. We go out to their car. We wait until they’re all in the car and all the children are buckled up. Then we wait to wave them good-bye from our property, because that is etiquette. That is showing love to one another. That is showing hospitality that is worthy of the saints. Yes, isn’t it amazing, that it’s all in the Word?

TAKE A GIFT WITH YOU

When you come to someone’s place for a meal, take something with you. I have always trained my children, when they were invited out, don’t go empty-handed. Always take something. Take a bottle of drink. Take some food.

Maybe you’ve asked the hostess, “Is there anything I can bring?” And she says, “Oh, no, I’ve got it all under control.” Well, think of something else you can take. Maybe you can take a candle, or a beautiful card you’ve written, some flowers, a home-grown plant, or something like that. That is important.

If you are on a special diet, maybe you are a vegetarian. I was once, but no longer. But I was. In fact, for many years I was a vegetarian, and then, for some years, I was even a raw foodist. Well, we got through all that and we no longer do those things. We now eat all the food groups. But if you are doing something like that (by the way, those kinds of things are more temporary, they’re not things that you should do your whole life).

But tell your hostess so that she knows and can prepare something that is applicable for you. If you haven’t told her, well, you’ll just have to eat what is in front of you. You mustn’t tell her when you arrive. “Oh, I don’t eat that!” No, you must prepare her beforehand. That is only good manners, isn’t it?

DRESS APPROPRIATELY

We should also dress suitably for the occasion. I think it is important when you are invited to someone’s home for a meal that you dress nicely. I don’t think that you should come in shorts. I don’t even think you should come in jeans because they are casual wear. When you’re coming to someone’s home, you’re wanting to honor them. You’re wanting to honor their home.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO WEAR THE RIGHT CLOTHES FOR THE RIGHT OCCASION

I think that it’s time, ladies, that we learned, and we taught our children, how to dress appropriately for different occasions. Now, of course, when you go to the beach, you’re going to be wearing shorts. Out on the volleyball court, you’re going to be wearing your shorts. Out doing sports, you’re going to be wearing shorts, of course.

Only I hope they’re not too short. Today, some girls are wearing them that hardly cover their bottoms! Those aren’t shorts. Those are, what would you call those? Those are tempters to men, OK? But, of course, we wear shorts for certain occasions. OK, you’re going out riding horses, rock climbing, doing all these things, you wear your jeans. Dress appropriately for appropriate occasions. But when you come to someone’s home, honor them by wearing a nice dress, or something that is really lovely.

Often I have our granddaughters over for a meal, usually Shabbat meal. I love having them over for Shabbat. Often I’ll say to them, “OK, girls, dress up for tonight.” Sometimes they’ll come in nice clothes. But if I say, “dress up,” they’ll really dress up! They’ll come in beautiful evening gowns, which they actually got from Goodwill. They haven’t gone out and spent money buying them! But they have lots of wonderful evening gowns they found in all these different places, quite cheaply.

It’s so beautiful! Oh, for Colin and I to be surrounded around our table with these beautiful girls, and all in their lovely, beautiful dresses, wow! It really does elevate the table! It makes it so special.

I remember reading the book, Faith of Our Fathers, by John McCain. I’m sorry, I am not a fan of John McCain, who has now passed away. He was a RINO. For those who don’t live in America, a RINO is a Republican In Name Only. He was a liberal democrat.

But I did love his book. It was a book about his time in Vietnam, which was quite incredible. Then he spoke of his father, and his grandfather. They were great patriots of America. I loved reading about them.

But he did mention, in this book, how his father and mother would come to the evening meals, at suppertime every evening, his father would come in a tuxedo or a very good suit and bow tie. His mother would be in an evening gown. Can you believe it? Wow! They really elevated the table! It was a very important occasion to them, to gather the family every meal time. We don’t have to do that, of course. But just to wear something nice is important.

DRESS APPROPRIATELY TO MEET THE KING OF KINGS

That reminds me too. I think, thinking about church, just digressing from hospitality. Dear ladies, we have to teach our children to dress appropriately when they go to church. What are we doing? When we go to church, to meet with the people of God, we have fellowship with them.

But ultimately, we’re going to worship the Lord, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the God of all Gods. He is worthy to be worshipped and honored. I believe we should dress accordingly! There was a time when no one would think of going to church without dressing beautifully.

We used to have, way back in our day, it was called “our Sunday Best.” We didn’t have a lot of good clothes, but we had our Sunday Best. We wore the same thing every Sunday. But let’s just put some honor into our children, because I see young people coming to church, or even prayer meetings, in shorts! You wear those at the beach! You wear those when you are doing sports! Not when you’re going into the presence of the Lord!

Even jeans, those are more casual wear. We are not going dressed casually to church. We’re going appropriately. I think that is important. Appropriate for the occasion. Just do what is appropriate. 1 Timothy 2:9, that Scripture talks about dressing modestly. But other translations say . . .  the New Living Translation says: “Wear decent and appropriate clothing.” Appropriate for whatever you’re going to!

We’re got to train our children. If we don’t train them, they’re going to be coming, and we’re going to end up, goodness me! Might as well go to the beach instead of going to church! The modern clothing, if you want to be hip, you want to be cool, you’ve got to wear tight jeans, or you’re going to wear tight pants. That’s what they’re all wearing. Oh, please, help me!

I know that’s the fashion, but I walk behind someone. . . The other day, I walked behind such a beautiful woman who loves God. You couldn’t get anyone who loves God more. But she had tight jeans on. She did it because that’s what everybody else does. I could see her bottom wobbling, and I could see every crease!

I walk behind young people, and I see every crease in their bottoms! They don’t know, because they can’t see! But they’re being such a temptation to men. If a man was walking behind them, he’s going to get a good look! It’s not right. It’s not what we wear to church. Let’s learn to dress appropriately. Amen? I think that’s so important.

MOTHERS, HOW ARE YOU SHAPING THE NEXT GENERATION?

We mothers, we’re the ones training our children. In fact, I realized something the other day. I realized that it’s mothers who are training this generation, and then the next in male clothing for their children. Because the moment their little children, even their toddlers can walk, they’re dressing them in jeans and pants. Then, as they get older, that’s what they buy from the shops. Rarely do you see a little girl in a dress, ever!

They’re just growing up. This is what you wear! This is what my mother gives me to wear. You see, everything comes back to us, as mothers! Dear mothers, we’re living in a transgender age. This jolly pants-wearing, we prepared the way for it. We blurred the sexes.

THE WAY YOU DRESS YOUR LITTLE CHILDREN IS THE WAY THEY’LL DRESS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES

If we have any heart for God’s plan of the distinction of male and female, we will want to make that distinction, and we’ll want to train our children in it, from little. Get them into the habit. Whatever you dress them in, that’s what they’re going to wear for the rest of their lives. We’ve got to think about these things, dear lovely ladies.

I think our time has gone again, hasn’t it? Wow! I’ve still got loads to share about etiquette, but we’ll do a few more sessions. Let’s pray.

“Thank You, dear Father, for showing us the way You want us to live. We wouldn’t have a clue if we didn’t read Your Word and see how You want us to be. I pray that You will bless these dear mothers, Lord. Help them as they train their children.

“Help us to see that we’re not only mothering for today. We are mothering for the next generation, and generations to come. We are generation-imparters. Oh, God, we, as mothers, are the ones who are responsible for what happens in the next generation. Help us to take this seriously, we pray. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

ETIQUETTE POSTERS

Seven Etiquette Posters to Bless Your Home! Pin them up all over your home to encourage better manners in your children. You can also laminate them and use them as place mats at the table.

Home Etiquette

Speech Etiquette

Table Etiquette

Daily Life Etiquette

Hospitality Etiquette

Church Etiquette

Work Force Etiquette

To order, go to: http://bit.ly/EtiquettePosters

Snippets:

I love these posters. Such great home school and disciplinary tools for parents to instill in their children. Each poster focuses on character qualities that are essential for children as they mature to being godly men and women for the Lord. A wonderful resource to purchase.

I like these posters. When I ordered them, I expected to receive something LARGER than what they are and that is fine with me. The posters are COLORFUL and just the right size to preserve in page protectors. In addition, they have timeless words we can learn from.

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 253: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 5

Back to our series. Today we discuss etiquette at the table. What do your children know about etiquette? Do they know how to behave in other people's homes? Are your older children ready for the adult world?

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! And maybe some gentlemen! And, of course, lots of young people too, listening. Great to be with you as usual. I do hope I get through this podcast all right. I have a bit of a bad cough, so I hope I don’t cough! But here we go!

Back a few podcasts, I started a series called, “Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation.” We did four podcasts about that. I wonder if you got to hear them. Podcast 243 was about teaching our children to come to Jesus at an early age. I believe that is such a beautiful thing. If you didn’t get to hear it, I hope you can.

Podcasts 244 and 245 were about elevating motherhood. I believe, ladies, we must elevate motherhood to the place where God has placed it. If we don’t do it in our generation, what are we passing on to the next generation? In fact, what kind of motherhood is being passed on to the next generation in our society today? We don’t often see the type of motherhood that God intends. Those are important podcasts to listen to, also.

Although I must say something too. We talked about the elevation of motherhood; just placing it where God has put it, an exalted career. We didn’t get to talk about marriage, but the same thing applies to marriage, because I believe we have to also elevate marriage to the place where God has placed it. Oh, ladies, it is a high, high place. I love the quote of John Piper. He says:

“There never has been a generation whose view of marriage is high enough.”

I believe that is so true.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, His church. The way He loves His Bride, how He gave His life for it, and the way the bride honors and submits to her beloved, Christ. We’re meant to portray that. I think we’ve got a lot of work to do, haven’t we, to raise it to that place where God wants it.

Dear wives, we have the responsibility of passing on God’s beautiful plan for marriage to our children. We perhaps have a bigger challenge than any other time in history. We’re now living in a time when even homosexuality, even same-sex marriage is law. Now we’re facing transgender. These absolutely are a slap in the face against our God and His beautiful plan.

The whole of the Bible is really a book about marriage. It begins in Genesis when God created the first couple, and He brought them together. He made them one flesh, and He began His beautiful plan of marriage. It ends with the marriage supper of the Lamb, where the bride is brought in, and the Lamb receives His Bride, the one that He died for.

The whole of the Bible is about marriage. When we read all the chapters that talk about Israel, it’s a relationship between God and Israel. He tells them that He is their Bridegroom, and they are His bride. We need to become more and more knowing God’s heart about this, because, lovely ladies, we are the transmitters of truth! We don’t do it by just what we say. We do it by our lives. We do it by our example. We do it by how we live in our homes.

Well, I got waylaid along the way, because here I am today, and we’re getting back to this series of transmitting God’s truth to the next generation. In between, we did six podcasts, because I was doing them with other people. I know you would have loved them. If you didn’t get to hear them, please get to hear them. I did two with the Kookogeys. We spoke about RAISING OUR CHILDREN TO SPEAK IN THE GATES OF THE CITIES.  

I did two with DANIEL AND ALLISON HARTMAN. They are the ones who organize the Above Rubies retreats in Panama City. We’re looking forward to this great, glorious family retreat. We’ll be driving down tomorrow. I think we have 100 families who are coming, which will be so wonderful.

Then I did one with MICHAEL TAIT, the lead singer of the Newsboys. And then last week, with COURTNEY MOUNT, who shared the incredible story of her little two-year-old, who was diagnosed with stage four cancer. So, lots of wonderful things for you to keep up with! Don’t forget to pass them on to others. Send out the links to your friends and let them be encouraged also.

ELEVATING THE VALUE OF YOUR TABLE

Today, here we are. I want to talk about elevating our tables. Well, I think I’ve talked with you quite a bit about this subject but we’re going to get on to some very practical etiquette things. I would love to remind you again that it is important to also elevate our tables. Yes, that doesn’t mean to say that we make them higher! You know, let’s add a few feet to them!

No, no, no, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about elevating them in value, the value that we put upon the table. Precious ladies, in so many homes today, the table has no value at all. It is rare for even families to come and sit around the table. Then, in many families, when they do, it’s just chaos!

But we have to work at this, because the table is, I would say, one of the most important pieces of furniture in our homes. It takes the centrality of the home. It’s where we gather as family.

When God talks about His family, in Psalm 128:3, he talks about a table. He says: “Your wife is like a fruitful vine within your home. And look at all the children, sitting around your table.” It so blesses the heart of God to see families sitting around the table! Not only eating together but communicating together. Oh, this is God’s heart. This is the picture that He uses.

Therefore, we must put God’s value on our table also, and for another reason, because we are transmitting this truth to the next generation. What are we passing on? So many families today, they eat out all the time. What are their children going to do? Do they even know how to sit around a table and how to really make it happen?

In one of my podcasts, I talked about sitting at the table. That’s a really big thing. I wonder what one I did that? I think that was podcast 246. I wonder if you were blessed by that. Are you getting your children to sit around your table a little more? If you haven’t heard that one, you need to do that, because I know it’s not easy to get children seated around the table, and to stay seated! Oh my, that’s another thing. That was something we really had to talk about. But there’s lots more things about the table. Very, very practical things, and I’d love to mention some of them to you today.

Now the following that I am going to share with you is basic etiquette. In fact, you can read about it in any etiquette book. You can read about it online. Yet is it amazing that so few families actually do it! I think we should get back to doing these things, because what am I going to say? Yes, we have the responsibility to pass them on to the next generation. If we don’t do them, they won’t get passed on.

HAND WASHING

‘OK, first thing. When it’s time for supper, tell your children, or get them into the habit, of course, of going and washing their hands and brushing their hair, so they come to the table clean. Yes, with hands washed! Most probably they’ve been touching all kinds of junk and playing in the dirt, and goodness knows what! Make that a habit, so after a while, you don’t have to tell them. They will automatically know—you wash your hands, and you brush your hair. You come looking fresh and ready to be with the whole family.

EVERYONE COMES RUNNING

When you tell your children, “Suppertime,” teach them obedience, to come immediately. We can’t have stragglers at the table. It’s terrible to sit down at the table, and one child is still missing! What are they doing? They’re doing something in their room, or they’re taking too long to wash their hands. No, we must teach them that when you call out, “Supper is ready,” or you have a little bell, or you have whatever you have decided to do in your home, that everyone comes running. They’ve washed their hands. They’ve brushed their hair. They come running to sit at the table.

HOLD HANDS TOGETHER

Then they are all seated. And you’re going to give grace together. Most probably your husband will give the blessing. It’s a beautiful thing to all hold hands. Do you do that at your table? I would encourage you to take the time to do that. It’s the first thing you do at the table that binds you together. That’s what the table is all about. It’s about binding you together as a family. So, you’re going to do things that will bind you together. Little things count, even just a little thing as all holding hands together. That brings oneness in the family.

TRY DIFFERENT VEGETABLES

You may do things differently in each family, especially when your children are young. When my children were growing, and they were young, I would dish out their meals. I would put on their plate all the vegetables that we were having for the evening meal, and I would expect them to eat them. If I knew that one of the children, oh, they found it so hard to eat! Maybe carrots, that’s pretty easy. Maybe rutabaga.

Oh, wow! Does anybody ever cook rutabaga? Back in New Zealand, we call it “swede.” But it is a wonderful vegetable. I use it quite often. It’s full of vitamin C. I love to grate it up, and then cook it in a slight little bit of water, with butter and salt and pepper. It’s very beautiful. Although one day, I was busy grating, and grating, and grating, and grating, and grating, because I had a great big crowd coming for supper. This was one of my vegetables.

My Above Rubies girl said to me, “Oh, Mrs. Campbell, why don’t you just put it in the food processor?” I thought, “Oh, for goodness sakes! Why didn’t I do that?” So, now I do that, and it’s so quick.

But if it is some strange vegetable, well, you can just give them the tiniest little bit to taste, because you know what? It’s very good to get your children used to tasting all the vegetables. There are so many wonderful vegetables! Oh, and if you cook them the right way, they are delectable! I love parsnips. They’re one of my favorite vegetables.

I’ll often do this when our sweet potatoes are growing. I harvest the sweet potato leaves. I whiz them up in the food processor too, and do them with onions and peppers, tomatoes, some hot peppers too, to make it really beautiful. Everybody loves it who eats it.

But most children today, all they know is maybe potatoes, peas, and carrots. They’ve never tasted anything else! Help! Let’s give our children a broad spectrum of all the glorious foods that God has created so they can get a love for them. Now, if it’s new, or we know they don’t like it, give them the tiniest bit, and they have to eat that tiny little bit. Because that’s good for them.

I remember when we adopted our four children from Liberia. Our son, John, oh my! He had never eaten salads. Over there in Liberia, they didn’t eat stuff like that. Everything was cooked, and it really needed to be, because you could get diseases.

Of course, a salad is always part of every meal in our home. I started off putting the salad out, and oh, my! They didn’t like to take it. John especially, he really balked at salad. So, I said, “OK, John, you’ve just got to take a little bit.” He would take maybe five or six leaves. He would somehow get through those. In fact, now, he’ll come to have supper with us, and the salad bowl will be there.

“Here’s the salad bowl, John!” I will say, with a twinkle in my eye. He will usually take ONE leaf!

But when my children were little, sometimes, when I was teaching them to eat salad, you know what I did? I would dish out a salad plate for them. Not too much, but they had to eat that first before I dished out the rest of the meal. That’s how I taught them to eat salad. They all love salad today. Of course, you know my girls, Trim Healthy Mama, Serene and Pearl, well, they’re salad freaks.

But I taught them by, OK, it wasn’t an option, and they didn’t even get anything else to eat until they had eaten their salad. Then I dished out for them the rest of the meal, all ready for them. But, of course, as they grew older, and they learned how to eat everything, I would put the food in a dish for them to take from by themselves. I do that now.

That’s how we eat every meal, because we also have lots of people around our table, sometimes less, sometimes more. We’re either putting the table back or extending it right out. Especially when you have visitors, you need to have the dishes on the table so people can help themselves to what they like, because we’re not going to be making our visitors eat everything we put on our table!

PASS THE FOOD TO THE RIGHT

Now, there’s also a little law on how to do that. Do you know what to do? You need to start teaching your children this, so they know this is the way you do it. When they start a home, it passes on to the next generation. They know what to do when they go out.

I will say to everyone, “Here is your food.” Sometimes I will explain what some of the dishes are, and I’ll say, “Take what is in front of you, and then pass to your right.” Keep passing it around so everybody gets to take from each dish. That’s the way you do it. Not everybody putting their hands out and grabbing a dish from here, there, and everywhere! No. In fact, that is very, very rude. It is against etiquette.

After dishes have been passed around to the right of the person, then perhaps you want more. OK, well, don’t just reach right over the table and grab a bowl! You will ask the person who is nearest to the bowl. “Johnny, excuse me, could you pass me the dish of potatoes?” As they pass it, you will say, “Thank you.” That’s important to teach your children so they are learning manners.

Yes, dear lovely ladies, I know that sometimes, oh, my, the chaos of meals with lots of little children, you’re not getting around to teaching these manners. But please, please, do it! Little by little. The sooner you do it, the sooner it becomes a habit. That’s what they’ll know to do. It will be normal.

One day, they’ll grow up, maybe to be a businessman. They go out to dinner, and they know how to ask. We are preparing our children, not only to take this onto the next generation, but how to conduct themselves when they go into public, when they go to other people’s places for a meal.

NO PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS

Another thing is, no whispering at the table. No private conversations. That’s something that I have made a rule in our home. To whisper to someone at the table is also against etiquette. It is rude. So, we encourage. You have to make this happen. Otherwise, this child will be talking to this one and that one, and it’s just bedlam.

You have to bring a subject to the table, or a question, especially when the children are young, to get the conversation going. Let all be involved. Sometimes, if you’re discussing a subject, you can get each one to take a turn sharing their point of view around the table. Other times, you’ll let it be spontaneous, although you may have to get them to put up their hand, or they’ll all be jumping in at once.

Our children, as they were growing, they were very, very vocal. They all wanted to say their point of view at the same time. My husband would have to be the umpire, just saying, “This one will go first. This one is next.” They were always such exciting times. But make sure you keep the conversation together.

PLEASE MAY I BE EXCUSED

If a child has to leave the table to go to the bathroom, which it seems that children are always wanting to go to the bathroom during mealtime, we need to try and curb that as much as possible also. Sometimes it’s just an excuse to get up from the table.

But sometimes they really need to go. So, we teach them to say, “Please, may I be excused?” That is the phrase that must be used when a child leaves the table. “Please, Mommy,” or “Please, Daddy, may I be excused?” Then they may go. You don’t allow a child to just get up, just go! Why? Help? Where are they? What are they going for? We don’t even know. That is very important.

No child leaves the table without asking to be excused. No adult should ever leave the table without asking to be excused. Even if it’s Mommy or Daddy, they will say to the children, “Excuse me a moment, children. Daddy won’t be a minute.” He doesn’t have to say, “I’m going to the toilet,” but he will say to the children that he wants to be excused, because it’s only etiquette, dear ladies, if you’re going to excuse yourself, you must tell others that you’re going to. That is etiquette. If you are an adult, you will do the same. You may not have to say, like a little child, “Please, Mommy, may I be excused?” But you’ll say, “Can I please be excused?”

When you are visiting another family, and you’re sitting at the table, and maybe you’ve got to blow your nose, well, you don’t ever do that at the table. Or you may have to go to the bathroom. You will just say to the host, “Can I be excused for a minute?” You don’t have to tell them why. But you must ask to be excused. So darling ladies, these are such little things, aren’t they? But little things add up to so much, and they are what brings order and loveliness to our family tables, and then, when we go out to other tables.

NO IPHONES AT THE TABLE

Another thing, I think I’ve talked about this before, is no iPhones at the table. You can decide in your family how you want to do this. Some families have a basket. They say “OK, as you come to the table, all iPhones turned off and in the basket.” But whatever you have to do, no iPhones at the table. It is the rudest thing in the whole world to be at the table.

We’ve come together to communicate. It’s our special time together. Family time, or face-to-face, table fellowship is so important. You don’t go talking to some other person from out of state, or some person you hardly know on your social media. No, that does not happen. Never allow it at your table.

I have, goodness me, I have beady eyes, and I notice things. I’ve had young people come to my table. I notice their eyes cast down. Yes, I know. They put their iPhone on their knee, and they’re looking at their iPhones. I have to say, “Sorry, do you mind turning that off? We don’t have iPhones at our table.”

You don’t have to get mad, but tell them softly, but we have to keep our standards. They most probably do not have that standard in their home. Well, when they come to your home, they have your standard.

THE SAME LAW FOR ALL

That is another thing. I wonder if I’ve told you about it. Maybe I should, in the next session. I haven’t got my notes here, but there are a number of Scriptures that talk about: “There shall be,” this is God speaking, “There shall be one law for the stranger that is in your house and in your land, as for you.” God said that when people who were not Israelites came and lived among them, they had to have the same laws as the Israelites.

That was a wonderful help to me, because we’ve been very hospitable in our lives. We’ve had people, and especially children come in. They do all manner of things that I would never allow in my home! Oh, goodness me, they’ll come in, and the children start jumping on the furniture! I’ve seen them go into the bedroom to jump on the beds! Goodness me!

Well, maybe some families let your beds be trampolines, but I don’t. I believe it ruins the beds. The beds are for sleeping. They’re not for trampolines! So, the parents are letting them do what they like. I will have to go and tell them, because it is scriptural, when someone comes into your home, they have the same law that you have.

DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL

Another one: you all know this one, of course. Don’t talk with your mouth full. You do have to teach children that one, don’t you? You see children, they just eat with their mouth full. They don’t know how bad they look. We’re teaching. That’s what parents are for! Teaching our children.

So, we just teach them. Maybe they’ll do it again. Teach them again. When you’re teaching, you all know, parents, don’t you, that we have to tell our children more than once, until they really get it. But we keep on with that one, because it’s very ugly. Ooh! I see even adults doing it. I simply hate seeing someone chewing and the food in their mouth! Ooh! I don’t even like it! Help!

CHEW GUM PRIVATELY

Actually, that brings me something else. Oh my. This could tread on some toes. But I think it is the same with chewing gum. Some people like to chew. Well, I say, chew privately. But please don’t chew when you are talking to someone. It is as bad as talking with your mouth full!

I see some people who are talking away to me, and you can see the chewing gum. It’s green this time. There’s green stuff rolling around in their mouth, and I’m just wanting to puke! It’s so sad! Because the person is so beautiful, and I love them. And then, they just, ooh, this chewing gum is all around their mouth, and it’s looking so ugly!

What is etiquette? What are manners? They are thinking of the other person. That’s all it is. Thinking of the other person. It’s not fair for a person to look at someone looking at you in the face, talking to you, and rolling their chewing gum around in their mouth. It’s just not nice.

Now, I know there are many people who do it by habit. They chew all the time. They don’t even know they’re doing it. They don’t even know what they look like! But I just mention that, because it’s very much the same as talking with your mouth full. It’s the same. I think we should watch that.

If you love to chew, chew in the car. Chew on your own, but don’t do it in public. It’s really quite “common” to do it in public. Sometimes I see a beautiful woman. Ooh, I just want to look at her. She looks so gracious and beautiful. And then I get to talk to her, and she starts chewing! That beautiful graciousness upon her goes right down! I think that’s something we should think about.

I don’t even allow chewing gum in my home, because, you want to know why? Apart from the fact that I don’t want my children, or I don’t like my grandchildren talking to me with gum around their mouth. Some people are blowing bubbles, and so on. But, oh, I have had to scrape chewing gum off the floor, and under chairs. Oh, I don’t really like doing that. I don’t think you do either. I thought, “Well, I’ll make a precedent. No chewing gum in my home.” It saves me having to do all that.

Well, I’m ready to go on something else about the table, but I think it may take a little bit longer, so I think we’ll close now. We’ll start it in our next session. OK? I hope you have been blessed and encouraged. I know some of you do all these things in your home. Some of you may not, because you may not have done them in your home. It wasn’t even passed on from your generation. But we can pick it up again, so that we’re going to be passing it on to the next generation.

“Dear Father, we come to You in the Name of Jesus. We thank You, that You are a God of order. You, Lord, You rule Your kingdom with order. I pray that You will help us to be parents who teach our children how to have order, even order at the table. It does make for so much greater blessing.

“Bless these dear moms, Lord, as they teach their children. Of course, the first thing we teach them is Your precious Word, but all these practical things are very important too. I pray that You will help them. I pray that You will pour Your blessings upon their homes. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

ETIQUETTE POSTERS

Seven Etiquette Posters to Bless Your Home! Pin them up all over your home to encourage better manners in your children. You can also laminate them and use them as place mats at the table.

Home Etiquette

Speech Etiquette

Table Etiquette

Daily Life Etiquette

Hospitality Etiquette

Church Etiquette

Work Force Etiquette

To order, go to: http://bit.ly/EtiquettePosters

Snippets:

I love these posters. Such great home school and disciplinary tools for parents to instill in their children. Each poster focuses on character qualities that are essential for children as they mature to being godly men and women for the Lord. A wonderful resource to purchase.

I like these posters. When I ordered them, I expected to receive something LARGER than what they are and that is fine with me. The posters are COLORFUL and just the right size to preserve in page protectors. In addition, they have timeless words we can learn from.

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 252: Dealing with Childhood Cancer

Courtney Mount joins me today as she shares the heart-rending story of their two-year Millie (their ninth child), who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, an aggressive childhood cancer.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, loveliest ladies! I always love being with you. Today I have an unexpected guest. I didn’t know she was going to be with me. Her name is Courtney. We only met just a little while ago. My dear friend, Pam Fields, who lives over in Exeter, Tennessee. . . you’re about two-and-a-half hours away, aren’t you?

Pam: Right.

Nancy: Well, she called me and said, “I’d love you to meet my friend, Courtney. Can you meet me at the café?” “The café? Of course!” That’s the Trim Healthy Mama Café. That’s where we always meet. Any time we have to meet someone, the greatest place is at the THM Café. I said, “OK, I’ll be there!”

We got together at lunchtime today. Courtney told me her story. Well, sadly, I was a mess. But her story touched my life so much, I said, “Courtney, you’ve got to come home, and we’ve got to do a podcast together.” So, here we are! God is so good to put it all together. In fact, I think you drove to Pam’s place about 11 hours to get to her, didn’t you?

Courtney: That’s exactly right.

Nancy: This is Courtney speaking. She’s actually on her way to Virginia. So, Pam, tell us how this all came to pass.

Pam: It was kind of a funny thing. Courtney and I met online. She was driving through, and said, “How about we meet for coffee?” I said, “I’d love to meet for coffee.” She said, “How about we meet at the Trim Healthy Café?” I said, “Well, we can do that, but it’s about two-and-a-half hours.”

So, meeting for coffee turned into, “Why don’t you stop at my house, and you can spend the night in my guestroom?” It turned into two nights and this whole café adventure. Now, here we are! It’s all adventure! So much fun!

Nancy: Great having you with us too, Pam. Pam has done more than one podcast. I think we’ve done a couple together in the past, haven’t we? Pam also does her own podcast called “The Mom Next Door.”

Pam: “The Mom Next Door: Stories of Faith.”

Nancy: You can check that out. She interviews mothers and all their most incredible stories. You’ll love her podcast too.

So, Courtney, let’s get to know you. You’re the mother of nine children and about to be seven grandchildren.

Courtney: Yes. So very blessed. Ranging from six all the way to 32. And grandbabies from 14 all the way down to one due in April.

Nancy: I think you had quite a few of your own babies with your grandbabies, didn’t you? Tell us about that.

Courtney: Absolutely. I delivered baby number six and my daughter delivered baby number one. I delivered number seven; she had number two. Number eight; she had number three. Number nine; she had number four. It was fun to have grandchildren and children at the same time.

Nancy: I think that’s so amazing! I always dreamed of that happening myself, but it didn’t quite work out. I think there can’t be anything more exciting than having your own baby and having a grandbaby at the same time. They just become such wonderful friends. It’s so wonderful.

So, you started off as a young mom. You had three children very close, didn’t you?

Courtney: Yes. Absolutely. I had my first two children as a teenager. Had my third one at 21 and the world encouraged us to take care of that and not have any more children. We had a vasectomy. I prayed and prayed that the Lord would change my husband’s heart. Every night I would lay my hand on his chest and silently pray but not tell him about it.

About four years into that, he said, “I think I need to have a reversal.” He was very concerned and afraid of going back under the knife. But at the five-year mark, he did have the reversal. Almost a year to the day of that surgery, we had our number four baby at the six-year mark.

Nancy: Oh, that’s so wonderful! You never regret having that reversal, I’m sure.

Courtney: Absolutely not. Those children have been such a joy.

Nancy: Yes. And then, we come to your last little one, number nine. That turned out to be quite a story. Maybe you could tell us about her. You called her Millie, didn’t you?

Courtney: I did call her Millie. When I was pregnant with Millie, I was 42. I didn’t know she would be my last baby, but I was pretty sure she was my last baby. I went to the doctor, and they did an ultrasound. They did some more ultrasounds, an advanced ultrasound. I asked them, why so many ultrasounds? They told me I was elderly, so that was pretty humorous at that time, because I didn’t feel elderly! I had all these little children.

Millie’s birth was perfect. She came very quickly. She breastfed well. She was a healthy, happy little girl who never had any issues until her second birthday. At that time, she started crying a lot. She didn’t sleep well, just very unhappy. I took her to the doctor sometime during that spring, and the doctor said, “Well, she might be getting over an ear infection. It doesn’t really look like much is wrong.”

Two weeks go by. We go back to the doctor. “Well, maybe she’s been sick, but she looks like she’s doing better.” Every time we took her, she wasn’t well, but she wasn’t sick.

In May of 2019, we went to the Grand Canyon. We took 15 members of our family in three carloads out there for the family trip of a lifetime. While we were there, she fevered every night for about an hour or two. It wasn’t a high fever, 99, just enough that as a mom of nine children, I would think, well, maybe she was teething. Maybe it was just a normal thing. But by the next morning, she was fine again.

I called her doctor, who said, when you get back in town, bring her in. We got back to Oklahoma and took her to the doctor. We put her on the table, and she looked fine again.

Nancy: It’s amazing, isn’t it, how long it can take to really find out what’s happening.

Courtney: It is. And it never seemed like she really was sick. It actually seemed like she was an unhappy child. At that point, that doctor handed me a lab slip and said, “If she continues to feel bad, you need to go get labs done, but for now she’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I went home, continued on.

Two weeks later, I had a meeting at my home with two of my dear friends. We sat on my couch, and I shared my concerns. I said, “I don’t know what to do with this baby. Something is not right.” They prayed over me that I would have wisdom. They prayed that the doctor would see what was going on.

I walked them to the car, and as they came back, Millie was up in the middle of my bed, with her hand pressed to her stomach, crying, “Oh, my tummy hurts!” That was the night that we decided we would take her to Urgent Care. From Urgent Care, they sent us to the emergency room. We left the emergency room at 3 AM that morning, being referred to Children’s Hospital. In our area, Children’s Hospital was a long wait. However, Children’s Hospital called the next day and scheduled her to come right in. So, we knew it was something serious. We just didn’t know what.

Nancy: Wow! So, what happened when you went in the next day?

Courtney: We got to the Children’s Hospital. They sent us to the liver specialist, who looked her over and said, “She looks great,” of course. She did look good. She said, “Maybe she has food allergies.” So, I left that doctor’s office texting my church prayer chain that it looks like it’s food allergies.

Then I texted the same thing to my husband, but said, “They also want to do an ultrasound and some bloodwork, so you need to meet me at the hospital, and we’ll do those things together.” I went downstairs and did the ultrasound. The tech was very chatty and happy, but after a few moments, she just got deathly silent.

I said, “If there’s something I need to know, you need to tell me today. Let me see a doctor,” because we lived so far away. She asked us to wait in the waiting room. My husband joined me about that point. Things get really fuzzy right about that point in the story.

A doctor came out, and at some point, said either, “You need to go upstairs to the tenth floor,” or maybe he said, “You need to go to the Oncology Department.” But Nancy, I’m not sure I knew what oncology was.

By the time I got in the elevator, I was calling my friend, who was asking me, “Where are you going?” “The tenth floor.” I knew her little boy had cancer. He had leukemia. She said, “Who is her doctor going to be?” I told her, and she said, “That’s our doctor.” Just like the Lord allowed me to rest in the fact that there were some common factors in not walking into the unknown completely.

We got up to the tenth floor, got off the elevator, were met by the doctor, and taken to a small room. My husband and I left. We don’t remember the same things. I think the trauma of diagnosis. . . He remembers the doctor taking us to a large room and telling us our daughter had cancer. I remember being in a small waiting room and the doctor coming in and telling us, “I’m sorry. It looks like Millie has cancer.”

Nancy: Isn’t it amazing? I think, even later, after, you still couldn’t work out who was right.

Courtney: That’s right. And to this day, we just agree to disagree, because we can’t figure it out.

The doctor did say, in my mind, that she had probably Wilm’s tumors, which would be a 95% survival rate. I was sure he said it’s not neuroblastoma. Neuroblastoma stands out to me, because at that time, I had had a friend, who years earlier, had lost a child to neuroblastoma, so I knew it was a highly aggressive, very deadly cancer. I left the hospital that day. He allowed me to take her home and come back.

Nancy: Which one was it, exactly?                                                                                                  

Courtney: Well, you don’t know right off. They wait, and they have to do testing.

Nancy: I see.

Courtney: So, you walk out of the hospital. I’m carrying this baby that I know has cancer in her body, and I’m driving towards my home, not knowing what I’m going to find. We get back two days later. We get ready to admit into the hospital.

The doctor comes in and says, “Monday morning we’re going to test Millie for neuroblastoma.” I was floor-boarded. I said, “No, you absolutely are not!” He said, “Yes, that’s what we’re going to do.”

My husband said, “Why are you responding like that?” I said, “He said it was not neuroblastoma. He said it was Wilm’s.” He said, “Honey, he said right off that he thought it was neuroblastoma.” But my husband didn’t know the name of the cancer that our friend’s child had passed away from. It didn’t hit him like it hit me until I explained what that was.

After about two weeks, the confirmation came back that she did have neuroblastoma. She had every bad check you could have with it. The doctor said, “We’ll fight this, but it doesn’t look good.” He did. She fought. She took six rounds of frontline chemo. She did immunotherapy. She did all kinds of treatments over a year’s time. But come around April, her belly started to hurt again. She started complaining.

Nancy: What do you think about doing all that? Was it worthwhile doing that? Would she have still lived the same amount of time without it or not?

Courtney: I honestly don’t know.

Nancy: You don’t know.

Courtney: I mean, as the parent, you beat yourself up. Like, did we go through that for nothing?

Nancy: Yes. But then all you’re doing is trying to do something, aren’t you?

Courtney: You are. You are. I can say, as we look backwards, that every second we had in that hospital with her was a time of connection and relationship-building. My husband and I became very, very close. In March of that year was when covid hit, they sent me home. They would not allow me to be with her. But her and dad had got to be together and be so close.

Nancy: That was such a sad time, when so many parents could not be with their children, and so many children couldn’t be with aged parents. It was so disgusting. It was the opposite of medical care to separate families. But anyway, you had to alternate. When your husband was there, you were home. You were there, he had to be home. That’s how it works.

Courtney: Yes. It was a huge division in our family. We had gone from being a large homeschool family that ate dinner together every night. We lived on a farm. We had a lot of activities there.

To not see Daddy. He was at the hospital. I would go to the hospital during the day, and I would come home and do the children at night. But a lot of times, they were already in bed before I got home. I had to get up and leave by 6 AM to get back to the hospital so he could go to work the next day. A lot of the children felt deserted. Their sister was gone. She was sick. Their parents were gone. They were with sitters all day long. We were hanging on by a thread, definitely.

Nancy: Yes. And then, was your husband able to come back home for work?

Courtney: Absolutely. In March or April, due to covid, his work campus shut down, and they told him he could work from home, which was such a blessing.

Nancy: Then he could work from the hospital while he was with Millie.

Courtney: Yes.

Nancy: That was wonderful.

Courtney: It was.

Nancy: He, in that time, because usually it’s the mother spending more time, but he got to be spending as much time as you.

Courtney: Absolutely. I feel like that gave them a chance to develop a relationship that maybe he wouldn’t have had with any of our other children, because he wasn’t around as much with them, you know, working. But with her, he was there. They wouldn’t let me go. I was home with the children. He was there day in and day out with her.

Nancy: This was about a year of doing this?

Courtney: Yes, about a year.

Nancy: Oh, wow. That’s what you had to do. Total separating of your lives for a whole year. Yes, yes.

Courtney: At the end of that year, her tumor started growing rapidly. They told us she probably would not live. They did say we could try another round of chemo, but if we did the tumor would burst open and start to bleed. She would bleed to death pretty much instantly. Or we could take her home on hospice and have a little time with her.

Because of having such a large family, they were not going to allow any of our children or our grandparents into the hospital, due to covid. If my husband and I would have taken her to the hospital, she would have never seen her family again. That wasn’t an option.

Nancy: No. That’s the cruelest thing you could ever think about.

Courtney: It was. It was devastating. So, knowing that they were probably better prepared to take care of her in the hospital, but that we needed family, we loaded her in the car and took her home for the last three weeks of her life.

The first week she played in the yard with her siblings, rode her little tricycle. A lot of joy of being together. The second week, she lay on the couch. She had some tea parties, stuff she could get up for a few minutes and lay back down. The third week, she pretty much just slept on the couch until Wednesday morning when she passed away, right after lunch on Wednesday. That was really difficult. We were all there.

Nancy: Tell us how all that happened.

Courtney: On Monday, she did not want to come out of her bedroom. I allowed her to lay back there all day, with people checking on her. On Tuesday morning, I thought, “We’re going to power through this. We’re going to get dressed. I made her change clothes and come to the couch. She just laid there all day. She sat up once to visit with her grandmother, and one more time to visit with her daddy.

Then at bedtime, she said, “My mouth tastes yukky,” just out of the blue. I said, “Would you like to brush your teeth?” And she said, “Yes,” so I carried her to the bathroom and sat her on the counter. Her poor little frame was so heavy and big by this time, with the tumor. She was very wobbly on her feet. But I brushed her teeth, and she said, “I’m going to walk to bed.”

She had so much sass and spunk in her that she was bound and determined she would walk. So, I offered her my hand, and she walked about eight steps, and she said, “You’re going to carry me to bed.” I picked her up and carried her, and she said, “I gonna sleep with you, Mama.” She would never say, “I’m going to.” It was always, “I gonna.” “I gonna sleep with you.”

She got on the bed, and she put her head to my head, and she held my hand all night long. And amazingly, at three-and-a-half years old, she had never slept with us. She always wanted her own bed. If I ever tried to get in her hospital bed, she’d say, “You go home now, Mom. You get out of my bed.” She wanted her own bed, by herself. But that night, she wanted to sleep with me. I don’t know if she knew it was that close to the end. It was such a precious time.

Nancy: Oh, but how wonderful! You were sharing with me, Courtney, how she continued to nurse from you, right up to the end. I think that is so wonderful. That must have been her greatest comfort.

And, of course, the hospital didn’t want you doing that, did they? People would say, “What are you doing that for?” People don’t understand, do they, the power of the breast, and the comfort, the consolation that it is. It’s not just a food, oh no. What a blessed experience that you had that with her, right to the very end.

Courtney: Absolutely. I usually weaned my babies at about two years old, a little bit after two. At that time, she was so sick. There was no way I could wean her.

Nancy: No.

Courtney: When you’re taking chemotherapy, you don’t eat, so I continued to nurse her. The doctors would say, “You know she’s not getting anything. She doesn’t get any nutrients.” I said, “Well, it’s OK. We’re going to do this anyway.”

Nancy: Yes! It’s nothing about nutrients at that age. It’s about that bonding, and that comfort, and that closeness.

Courtney: Now, unfortunately, in April, when they only allowed one parent to go to the hospital, her daddy had to go with her, and I had to stay home. So, I knew that last day I would nurse her, and she would go in for her treatments.

When she came home a week later, she said, “Can we nursie?” I said, “No, it’s broke.” She said, “What? What do you mean, it’s broke?” I said, “Well, it’s broke, but we can always rock.” To the day she died, she would say, “We can’t nursie, but we can always rock.” We did. We rocked.

Even the morning before she passed away, we were in the rocking chair together. And then I laid her in her bed. Throughout the day, different family members came to see her. Gratefully, her passing was fairly peaceful. She called out to us, and we heard her. We all gathered around. My husband blessed her.

When she was a newborn, we had always said the Lord’s blessing over our children at bedtime. We would say, “The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May He lift His countenance upon you and give you peace.”

And then as a family joke, sometimes I’d say, “A piece of chicken, a piece of candy, maybe He gives you a piece of pizza!” They’d say, “No, Mom! It’s God’s peace!” But we laugh and have a good time with it. Even to this day, my other children will say, “Are you going to come bless me for bed?” That’s like their bedtime prayer.

Nancy: Amen. That’s beautiful.

Courtney: I leaned close to her little ear, and I said, “Just run to Jesus, baby. Run to Jesus.” As she did pass away, I said, “Please hand her to me.” My husband picked her up and put her in my arms. I remember bowing over her, knowing she was gone. I could feel all the weight go into her body. Her little body got really heavy.

I thought that was the end of that story. And yet, for weeks we didn’t have her passing. I had prayed, “Lord, she came from my body. I held her first. I really want to hold her as she passes away, yet I would never, ever steal that time from my husband.” That was so important because they were so close. I had not shared that with my husband.

We went on a date night about six weeks after she passed away, and he mentioned, “You know, she took her last breath in your arms.” I just broke. I sobbed, and I said, “I don’t know what you mean.” He said, “When I handed her to you, she took one last breath,” and I couldn’t pull it together. He said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “That was my greatest heart’s desire, my biggest prayer. Yet I could never share that, because it would be so selfish, and that the Lord knew the desires of my heart, and He met that.” I felt so loved of the Lord.

Nancy: Oh, yes, yes. I think that’s so beautiful. God is so faithful, isn’t He?

Courtney: Yes, yes.

Nancy: Thank you for sharing this story. Oh, it’s so heartbreaking, and yet, I know you wouldn’t have missed one moment of those years with little Millie.

Courtney: No, absolutely not. When you look at that reversal, I think if we had known, I think if God had said, we’re going to have this reversal, but one of your children is going to die, we would have been like, “Oh! No, no! Never mind, God. We don’t want to do this!” And yet, we didn’t know what was to come. I’m so grateful, because we wouldn’t want to miss one single second. We wouldn’t want to live in fear, which would have caused us to miss that time.

Nancy: Yes. And God was with you all that time. The preciousness and the life, every day you have the memories of this life. You were telling me how she wasn’t some morbid little sickly child. She was a little sassy child. Tell us about what she was really like.

Courtney: She was a sassy child. She wore green cowboy boots that were not hers. They were her brother’s, and she stole them from him. Every time he looked for his boots, they were always on her feet. At the hospital, she was well-known as “the little girl in green boots.” She would go in the hospital door, and as the double doors opened, she would announce, “Hello, I’m home to my hospital!”

She thought all the nurses were her friends. She played hide-and-go-seek under the nurses’ desk, dragging an IV pole. It didn’t matter. She figured out all the lingo for the hospital, like she could tell you, “When I have chemo, I can’t go out in the hall.” She knew what scans were, so we tried to switch the verbiage to “pictures.” She’d say, “I’m not going to take a picture. I’m not taking a scan.”

But the thing we laughed about the most; she wore pull-ups. There was no time to potty train her before she got sick. In the pull-ups bag, there would be a Minnie Mouse, and then a Jessie from Toy Story. Then a Minnie Mouse, and then a Jessie. She refused to wear Jessie. Refused. If you pulled Jessie out, she would have the biggest fit, kicking and screaming.

We would hide all the Jessies and slide them on her in the middle of the night when she was sleeping. She’d wake up and say, “What?? Where did THAT come from?” But she loved Minnie Mouse.

She definitely was sassy, spunky. She told jokes. She loved speed. She loved to be on the four-wheeler riding with her siblings. She loved her farm. She’d come home from the hospital, could barely walk because of the chemo, and she’d say, “Put me on my plane.” And she’d be on the plane under the tree, just swinging back and forth.

Nancy: Then you say how she would only wear certain clothes, or colors, because her life was out of control. I guess somehow, she wanted to have some control over some things.

Courtney: Absolutely. I think we teach our children you don’t let people touch you. Stay away from strangers. Yet, when you’re two-and-a-half, and you’re diagnosed with cancer, every person you meet wants to not only look at you, but they also want you to take your clothes off. They want to poke you with needles.

Not that any of them wanted to do those things to her, but that’s what it looked like. Everybody she met would hurt her. Just think of how crazy her little life went, from being at home with her siblings, to all of a sudden, everywhere you go, it’s pain and trauma. It was a big difference. We tolerated some of the fit-throwing to allow her to have a little bit of control in her life.

Nancy: Yes, yes. I think when you face something like this, you face, also, the eternal world, don’t you? And you realize again that that is the real world, the eternal world. I remind myself all the time, the eternal world is the real world. We are just here for such a short time. It’s only a vapor, the Bible says.

Even to go through something like this, you’re going through it for eternity. You’re going to meet with her, live life with her, rejoice with her, for the whole of eternity. It’s not one minute is ever wasted! That’s the amazing thing, isn’t it?

And I know, perhaps many of you who are listening, you’ve had little ones, or maybe older ones who’ve passed away. It’s so hard to even get over that heartache. But, oh, I want to encourage you today, and I know Courtney would love to encourage you that not one moment of their life was ever wasted. Because you were blessed with every memory. You have the joy of all that is to come. It’s so incredible.

Oh, we are not without hope, are we? What would you say to fellow mothers who have been through what you’ve been through? Or perhaps are facing things even now. What would you say to them?

Courtney: I think we have to remember that my very worst day here on earth was her very best day. She closed her eyes in my presence, but she opened them in the face of Jesus. When she got to Heaven, she didn’t miraculously become an angel. Children do not become angels, but she was there, in the face of her Lord. She’s not looking back, missing me, because when you’re in the presence of Jesus, you’re there to worship Him.

I think that’s important, because we often think, “Oh, but they’re so alone,” or “in the unknown.” No, you can’t feel any of that. There are no tears or sorrow in heaven. Now, those of us left behind, we feel those tears and sorrow.

Nancy: You’re the ones who are sorrowing.

Courtney: That’s right.

Nancy: How long is it now, since Millie went to be with Jesus?

Courtney: About two-and-a-half years.

Nancy: Two-and-a-half years. How have you found your comfort in this time?

Courtney: I think the first year you just go numb. You don’t really know what’s going on. You cry a lot. The second year, you carry it a little gentler. You still get the wind knocked out of you, but it’s not as often.

Sometimes we think that grieving parents get over it. I don’t think we ever get over it, but what we do is learn how to carry it. Learn who can hear it, who’s strong enough to hear our story, and to love them. You want to be able to. . . I think you gravitate towards parents who know your same sorrow. In my own life, I’ve gotten into some great support groups. I’ve been very blessed to meet some other ladies who know what we’ve gone through.

Then knowing that, I wanted to be able to tell Millie what was going to happen. Because she wanted all this rocking her on hospice, I would whisper in her ear, and say, “Soon you’re going to be in Heaven with Jesus.” She was three. She knew about Jesus from us, but what does that look like to a three-year-old? I would say, “There’s no pain in Heaven. You’re going to be there, and you’re going to be happy.”

She said one time, “Mama, can you and Daddy go with me?” I said, “We will, soon enough, but soon you get to go where there are no more tears, in Heaven.” What I would have liked to have had was a gentle way to teach her about it, in storybook form. So, I wrote that. I wrote a book called Millie Finds Her Miracle. It’s about a little girl who searches everywhere in life for her miracle. There’s a hospital. People around the world praying. There’s her playground, and eventually Millie finds her miracle in Heaven.

The book doesn’t teach theology, and it doesn’t have scary stuff. But what it does is open the door for a parent to talk to their child about death. Even if you’re not facing your own child’s death, maybe you have a sibling or a friend that knows someone who has passed away, or a grandparent. I had a mom recently who was passing away from breast cancer. She bought the book and read the book to her little children, saying, “Just like Millie went to Heaven, Mommy is going to go Heaven soon.” It’s a gentle way to teach those children.

Nancy: Yes. Thank you for writing this, Courtney. You read it to us at the café. It was so beautiful. And the pictures! They’re so beautiful! I would recommend it to anyone going through a similar experience, or you most probably know friends who are going through a similar experience. You can get it. Tell us where you can get the book, Courtney.

Courtney: I would like to say it’s not cancer-specific, but if your child is sick from something else, or you know someone else, it’s not locked into cancer. You can get it at my website, which is www.MilliesMiracle.net.

Nancy: That’s pretty easy. www.MilliesMiracle.net. I would encourage you to go and get that. I know you’ve been touched today, as I have been, listening to that amazing story. I pray that if you are going through a similar experience, that you will know that God is carrying you through.

I love that Scripture, Psalm 55:22: “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.” He holds us up.

We often don’t know how we could ever go through something until we’re going through it, and find that, in the going through it, God is there, holding us up. He does. He is faithful. He holds us up. I love to read that Scripture. I know you most probably know it, but oh, it's so wonderful, isn’t it?

Isaiah 43:1-3, another wonderful promise. “I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Savior.”

Sometimes we are prone, when we’re going through something, to concentrate on all we’re going through. “Oh, I’m going through this fiery trial,” and that is our confession. But that shouldn’t be our confession. Our confession should be, what does it say? “When you go through the fire, I am with you. You will not be burned.” We can change our confession.

“Dear Father, thank You. You are with me. Yes, this is a fiery trial, but I thank You that You are with me. I will not be burned. Thank You, Lord. I can come out of this, like the three men who were in the fire. They came out, without even the smell of fire upon them.”

While you’re going through the rivers, you feel as though you’re drowning. It’s over your head! You wonder how you can ever even keep your head above water! But what does the Scripture say? “When you go through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.” You can say, “Oh well, it’s all very well for you to say that. I’m the one going through it at this moment.”

But dear precious one, God’s Words are true! They are faithful. They never fail. When you turn your eyes onto Him, and you speak the confession, “Thank You Lord. Lord, this seems overwhelming, but You have said I will not drown. I thank You, Lord, that they’re not going to overflow me. I will not drown, because you are with me.” Constantly confess that God is your Emmanuel, God with us. He will not fail you, no matter what you’re facing. Amen?

And Courtney, our time is coming up. Have you got anything else that you’d love to pass on to the moms?

Courtney: I think this is so awesome. People will say to me, “You’re so strong.” I think if they realized I’m not so strong, it’s my dependence on Jesus.

Nancy: Amen!

Courtney: Because I am weak, and He is strong. I do try to remind others of that. Oftentimes it will look like you’ve got it all together, and you feel like you’re drowning, just like what you said. You have to rely on Jesus. I told Him early on. I prayed, “Lord, please keep her here on earth, and let her tell of Your goodness with her own mouth. But if you don’t, I will tell the story for her.”

Through that, I wrote on Facebook, and have a large Facebook group, Millie’s Miracle. I write about grieving parents, just the raw emotions of it, because I want other grieving parents to know they’re not alone. They’re so alone, like nobody else feels this way. Oftentimes parents will write and say, “Thank you for saying the words that I couldn’t form.”

Nancy: Amen.

“Father, we thank You for hearing this story today. We thank You for the life of little Millie. Lord, even though we’re just hearing about it, we feel as though we’ve been part of her life and taken a glimpse into a beautiful life that You created, that You created for eternity. Lord, we thank You that eternity is the real world, and to help us, every one of us, no matter what our circumstances, Lord, that we will always see that, Lord, this life is just a vapor.

“Lord, many have lost little ones through miscarriage and all different circumstances. But every life that is conceived is life. It’s eternal life, and Lord, we’re going to meet these precious lives one day. We thank You. We thank You for the hope that You give us in Christ. We praise Your wonderful Name. Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Grief Resources:

Podcasts:
• Nothing is Wasted
• While We’re Waiting

Online Support Groups:
• Infant loss – PrayingThruMinistries.org
• Any aged Child loss – WhileWereWaiting.org
• Child loss – Hopeunshakeable.net

MILLIE FINDS HER MIRACLE

In 2019, when my two-year-old daughter was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, I had no resources to explain her illness to her. When we were told she would not survive a year later, there were no books on how to explain death to a child in gentle, faith-filled terms. "Millie Finds Her Miracle" is a book that leads readers on Millie's journey as she searches everywhere for her miracle of healing. From her playground to the hospital, with people around the world praying, Millie ultimately finds her miracle in Heaven. This book is instrumental to children facing their own death, siblings seeing death, parents walking with their child through death, and the numerous caregivers who assist in the end-of-life process. Very young children will love finding the butterfly hidden on each page and looking at the bright, simple illustrations.

Courtney’s Bio:

Courtney Mount, a faith-based author and mother, experienced the devastation of losing a child when her youngest daughter received a terminal cancer diagnosis. Courtney has been featured on podcasts, blogs, and as a venue speaker sharing both her daughter's story and her faith in Christ to carry her through loss.

She and her husband are parents to eight other children and grandparents to seven. She enjoys rural farm life and home-educating her children. The detailed journal that Courtney kept during her daughter's illness is continually being updated during her grief journey and can be found on Facebook at MilliesMiracle2020. Readers can learn more on her website at MilliesMiracle.net

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 251: Raising Godly Children in an Ungodly Culture, Part 2

Allison and Daniel Hartman are with me again today. We talk about the father's influence in the home. A godly father has a powerful influence in guiding his children. It is certainly time for the hearts of the fathers to be turned to the children.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! You won’t believe it, but I have Daniel and Allison Hartman with us again! Wow! That’s so cool. And I also have my current Above Rubies helper, Suzanne, who comes from Washington state.

Last time we were talking with Daniel and Allison, and we were talking about the importance of beginning to see everything in our worldview from a family perspective. Not just individually, but as a family, because this is God’s heart. This is how He began this world. This was His plan.

I love Genesis 2:24, where it says: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” In that Scripture, we get the whole concept of family. It not only talks about the husband and the wife; it talks about the mother and the father, even though there was no mother or father living at that time.

Nobody knew what a father or mother was, but God spoke it forth, because it was in His heart. It was His plan. He speaks it out before we’ve even ever seen a father or mother. Of course, from this one-flesh relationship is going to come children. Then the husband and wife become a father and a mother. With the children, they’re a family.

When God was speaking to His people, there’s one Scripture in Jeremiah, where He’s talking. He said, “You know, I’m speaking to all the families of Israel.” He didn’t speak to them individually, but as families (Jeremiah 31;1).

I want to read this Scripture Daniel talked about last time again. We want to talk a little bit with you more today because there’s so much more to say. “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet, before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.” We know that Elijah came in the anointing of John the Baptist before Jesus came. It tells us about that in Luke 1:16, 17, how that he came, and it repeats this Scripture in Malachi 4:5, 6, that He came to “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.”

I’m reading through the New Testament again. I noticed, as I’ve been reading the gospels, on three different occasions, Jesus actually said that John the Baptist came in the anointing of Elijah. John the Baptist came first to prepare the way for the first coming of Jesus. But that wasn’t the great and dreadful day of the Lord that is yet to come.

This Scripture in Malachi has yet to be fulfilled to what God is saying that before Jesus comes again, the anointing of Elijah will come to “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers, lest He comes and smite the earth with a curse.” We can’t take this lightly. We’ve got to get with this Scripture, because it’s pretty serious. What do you think?

Allison: Absolutely.

Daniel: Yeah, yeah, the whole earth. The Kendrick brothers had a movie that we watched. It went through all the statistics of how the fatherless home is affecting our society. All the crime rates are directly linked, everyone in prison, divorce, pretty much every metric of our society is related to this. It says the whole earth will fall under a curse when this is not done correctly.

Like we talked about last time, we’re starting a church in our home, directly encouraging fathers to take up this mantle. Obviously, not just that, but all of Scripture. The whole point is to come into alignment with the Kingdom and not really worry about what everybody else is doing. Let’s just get back to the Bible, and to the New Testament, and not worry about reforming this or that, or what everyone else is doing. Let’s see what the Bible says, and let’s do it.

Nancy: Amen!

Allison: I was going to say, when we picked up last time, when we stopped the podcast, we started talking. We were like, “Oh, man, there’s so much more to say!” But one thing I noticed is, I was telling you that from this church that we started, we’re seeing fruit. We’re already seeing fruit in our own children.

I feel like the neat thing about having a church in your home and being in charge of it, is your children now have responsibilities. In order to raise leaders, we have to put them in leadership positions. To raise servants, you have to put them in servant positions. How can they be taught to serve the widows and orphans if they’re pew-sitters, and they don’t have that responsibility?

We’re in this homechurch situation, and our older, 14, 15-year-olds, they’re the ones setting out the chairs, fixing the meals, helping to make sure the other children, the single moms that are coming with littles that might be noisy. Well, they need to get them some toys, right? We’re setting our children up for success. We’re setting them up to be servants.

It’s been a beautiful thing. I’ve seen, in my own children, I’m watching them. They are growing. I’m seeing fruit. I’m seeing them live this faith as their own and not just be consumers. They are producers. They are leaders. It’s been a reward that I didn’t expect.

Daniel: In 1 Corinthians 14:26, where it lists these requirements, really, I see for the church, they are completely involved. When they’re involved, they have importance.

Allison: Oh, yes.

Nancy: Yes. But anyway, as we were talking last time, when you were with us, Suzanne got talking too, my lovely helper here. She was saying how she experienced this in her whole family. We want you to share that, Suzanne. Tell us your testimony.

Suzanne: First, Nancy, thank you for giving me the opportunity to share, because I am so encouraged by this conversation, as it has been the testimony of my family. Growing up in a family of ten children, we were all homeschooled, and we were really the typical lifestyle Christianity. We went to church on Sunday, and then every night of the week, every one of my siblings and myself had an activity.

Dad was less of the father, and more of the taxi driver. To sports, and to dance, and to voice lessons. I could go on and on. We had youth groups and Bible quizzing. It was less of a unified family and more of a fractured front. It was all in age chunks, and we rarely saw each other. The biggest thing was that we attended church, and churches, where we were split into all the different age groups.

My parents, who are amazing and my biggest role models in life, had a passion and a vision for a family-integrated church. Yet, the lifestyle that we were in didn’t afford for that. The churches that we came into contact with were all broken into a program mentality of public school, a mentality where you would have the youth group in the middle school.

We would go to church on Sunday, and we would be seen as those who lived in the Dark Ages. We still wanted our children to sit in the pews. We still wanted the children to worship and to be trained in the fear and admonition of the Lord by learning how to listen, and to listen actively, and listen well. We really went through a season of searching for a church like this.

But the biggest thing that changed in our family was my father. My three older siblings, who were trained and were living in this home, they ended up turning away from the Lord because my father was so distracted by carpooling, and by doing all the things, and by working a job, and all of these things, that he wasn’t bringing the family back to the Bible. I think it was an amazing thing to see that his leadership was the pillar to our home. When it was gone, the covering was gone from my older sisters, and my family.

In this season of looking for church, my dad went to a conference with a homeschool teacher named Scott Brown. He said something that my dad really holds as a motto in our home, and that is, the church and the family is at the center. Not all of the activities, not all of the programs, a family-integrated church.

My Dad’s heart came back to the Lord in a renewed way. He began to lead us as a family, eventually driving two hours to find a family-integrated church. We spent an entire year every Sunday morning and Wednesday night plugging into this church community two hours away, so we could be a unified family. And I tell you what, those car drives are some of my favorite memories, because going to church, we would have the most incredible conversations. And then coming back, we would be going over what we heard in the sermon, and all the different things that my siblings were able to glean.

We came from a completely fractured family of going to things every single night, and losing the attention of my older siblings, who sadly, are still away from the family and away from the Lord. Now, we are the most unified family, because my dad has taken on the mantle of being the father of our home, and he does it so well. I praise the Lord for my incredible parents.

I can’t leave it there without saying that my mom is the undergirder. She’s the helpmeet to my dad, and she was there, packing all the bags, and prepping all the food to drive those two hours.

We eventually moved closer to our church community. But God be praised for the work He did in my father’s life, to completely transform our family to where now this church is at the center.

On Sunday morning, you’ll find all of us children sitting together in a big, long row, praising the Lord, and fellowshipping over a meal afterwards, and going out, and having not just peer relationships, but relationships of older and wiser couples, and older and wiser men in the church who are mentoring my brothers and my sisters, older women to sisters. The Lord is faithful when we do what the Bible says, and we follow the biblical pattern of what it looks like to have a family-integrated church experience.

Nancy: Amen!

Allison: That is so powerful. When we heard your testimony a little bit ago, I thought, “You have to share that because you’re at a very pivotal age!” Like we talked in the first podcast, so many young people, when they hit that pivotal spot in their lives, they can go one way or the other.

I’ve heard it said that the most important person in a girl’s life is their father. You would almost think that should be the mother, because we’re the same gender. No, the most powerful person in a girl’s life is their father, the most influential person, good or bad. I think it was interesting because you had two different stories. You had your sisters’, and then you had you. You guys both went two different ways. It was all centered around your father, not a youth pastor, but your father.

We have a friend who would not mind me sharing her story. We met her at an Above Rubies retreat. She had such a similar situation, where they had done all the programs and had their children in all these activities, and then, all of a sudden, their son met a girl in youth group who had very different values. Just by her beauty and the romance of the relationship, she sucked her son, who they thought they had done a great job raising, sucked him away from the family to the point where when they got married, they didn’t even invite the mom and dad, or the children, to the wedding! Now they have nothing to do with them.

Daniel: They go as far to say they’ll call the cops, to not even let them come.

Allison: They said, “We’ll call the police if you show up and disturb our wedding,” because they were so against having that family involvement. You go back to, where did it all start? It started by their letting the church raise their children. They were letting programs divide their family. It got so bad that the younger son was so depressed that he lost his brother. Tragically, he ended up burning his house down because he was doing something foolish.

It didn’t start from that. It started from their church; their youth pastor was raising their children. They were allowing culture to decide how their family was going to be raised. I’m so passionate about it and I’m amazed at your story. You’re telling exactly what happens. I was thinking about you, about starting this relationship with this boy, and how you’re about to get married.

You are the exact person that needs to hear this message. You understand? Because what were we just talking about? It all stems from the older children. If your older children get this, they will set a precedent for the younger. I’m so thankful our older daughter is so awesome. She was such a family girl. She was so modest, because her siblings all followed her. Had she been rebellious and whatever, they would have all followed her.

You’ve got to get that message when you’re first married. I encourage all you young people, all the newly marrieds, to go to some of these Above Rubies family camps and hear this message. Let them listen to these podcasts, because it’s so critical.

Suzanne: I would add, as an encouragement to the young women who may be listening, or even the young men, that in that transition where your parents may be opening up their eyes to this new way of living, this biblical way of living, that it does take a season of grace.

There were a lot of times where my dad would step out in leadership, and then maybe stumble, and maybe have to pick back up, by the power of the Holy Spirit. As the older child in the home, there was a lot of forgiveness and a lot of reconciliation. God is the God of reconciliation, so He is able do that.

But there is definitely a grace needed as an older child, to call your siblings higher, and say, “Let’s give our parents grace. Let’s give our parents encouragement as they desire to walk in this new family-integrated lifestyle of bringing the children into it and bringing the family back to the foundation and the sufficiency of Scripture.”

Nancy: Tell us that little story you told me about how you had your Bible basket. And what happened with your siblings? [laughter]

Suzanne: Yes, well, as I said, I do have nine wonderful siblings. They are so, so sweet. But there was a time where I went and I got a basket, just like Nancy, dear Nancy. I had my Bible and my journal and my pens and everything in it. I would put it by my bedside. A couple of days later, two of my little twin brothers both had little baskets. They would come down to where I was sitting. They had their Bibles, and their journals, and they were doing it just like me.

I was greatly encouraged and convicted that every little thing I do as an older sister sets an example. Every word I say, every action, they’re noticing that. It was an encouragement to say, “They’re looking up to me. Whatever I do, whether good or bad, will set a trajectory for how they will honor the family and live in unity.”

Nancy: I have a dear friend. When I was a young person, she was a mother of eight children, but she was one of my best friends. She always said to me, “Nancy, if you train your older children right, then you can trust that all the younger ones will follow on.” It is so true.

Daniel: I’ll just add the father’s perspective. When my children, I saw their hearts straying off, I saw their hearts were becoming divided, I would sit down for hours and talk to them. I’ll say that in the home, as we’re saying with this basket, there’s really “that which is done in secret will be shouted from the rooftops.” It’s exacerbated, good or bad. It’ll be magnified, good or bad.

Really, it’s a growing of parents to humble yourselves and understand that everything that we do, our children are watching. We’re not going to deceive them at all. They’re watching everything that we do. It’s so much more encouragement to me, when I’m understanding that, and when I’m humbling myself as the father, and laying my life down for my family, to guide them. But first, it's got to start with my heart. It’s got to start with me.

Revival has to start. Really, this is the methodology for revival. How is this seen? Well, Elijah came and made the way, and turned the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers. Then came Jesus, and He changed the world. This recipe is so amazing, if, when it’s followed appropriately like it was from the Old Testament to the New Testament. It is how the hearts are changed. And then, once those that are changed in the church, as the Bride of Christ is changed, then discipleship can go out to the world and change the world.

Nancy: Yes. Absolutely.

WE MUST BE OUR CHILDREN’S GREATEST INFLUENCERS

Allison: Right now, our children are being influenced by something. When they’re in public school, or they’re in Christian school, or even a homeschool co-op, your children are being influenced by something, someone. We need to make sure that we are their greatest influencers.

Sports, sports are a very debated topic in homeschool worlds. We’re a very athletic family. Goodness, I want to be careful with the way I say it. We did allow our children to play sports at a Christian school. Thankfully, it worked out fine. The reason it worked out fine was we were very, very careful with boundaries. We never let them ride the bus with the team. We never let them stay in the hotel rooms with the teams.

Let me say, that was a lot of wisdom, because I unfortunately found out, that even though it was a Christian school, there were some really, really naughty, bad things happening on that bus, and in those hotel rooms. You can’t just assume, “Oh well, it’s a Christian school, or it’s a homeschool co-op.” No, if they’re spending six, eight hours with all these children, it’s the blind leading the blind!

We have to be our children’s greatest influencers. If all week long they’re in school, or they’re in programs, and then come to church and then you divide them again, don’t be surprised if they’re following the culture, because that’s all they know. They’re following the blind leading the blind. These fathers, you guys, you mothers, we have to step up. We have to step up and say, “Enough is enough. We’re going to be our children’s greatest influences.”

Suzanne: And just jumping on what you said, one of my favorite quotes says, “You become what you behold.” If young people are like you were just saying, Mrs. Hartman, beholding peer groups, and the culture, and social media, and those types of things, they will become like that.

Allison: Absolutely.

Suzanne: Whereas, on the juxtaposition on that, the opposite of that, is if they’re beholding parents who are rooted in the Word of God, and who are leading their families back to Scripture, and who are passionate about the things of the Lord, that’s what they will behold. They will become mighty in the Kingdom of God because of that.

Allison: Even what we do with our time. We’re an entrepreneurial family. Our children are never allowed to say, “I’m bored,” because I’ll find them a job to do. But we are constantly talking about creating new businesses, and we’re always getting our children involved in buying this and reselling. If you’re talking about being around people who are business-minded, that’s what your children are going to be thinking about instead of playing video games or wasting time watching TV. We don’t do that kind of stuff because that’s not what they see. They see me and my husband. All we do is work, work, work, so that’s what they do.

Daniel: And I’ll add Scriptural context to that. Every family in the Bible, as far as I can see, had some sort of a family business. Whether they were herding sheep, or planting a field, or whatever. When I was young, reading the Bible, that was what I got out of it. “Oh, well, I’m going to be a small business owner and I’m going to include my family in every aspect of it.” I chose a business that I can do that with.

To me, that was so important, in that this could be a whole another rabbit trail. But I’ll just end this with that, that it’s intentionally everything. Getting feedback, including giving importance to my children, giving them jobs and training them, discipling them. That is truly the Great Commission.

Obviously, all power is given to me in heaven and earth. We’re to go and preach the gospel and baptize and repent. But it says: “To make disciples and teach all the commandments that I’ve given you.” When we do that, it’s an all-day thing. It’s making sure we’re intentional on everything that our children are doing, and what I’m doing, because they’re watching me.

Nancy: Absolutely. And I believe that the greatest revival that we can have, that we need, is this Malachi, chapter four, and repeated in Luke, chapter one, the returning of the hearts of the fathers to the children, and vice versa. It’s coming back to family.

I am so thrilled, and I’m praising God to hear of these beautiful revivals that are happening in Asbury College and many other colleges now. They are beautiful. They are the work of God. God is working in the hearts of these beautiful young people and drawing them to Him. They’re seeing their sins, and their folly, and the vainness of this worldly life. They’re turning to the Lord, and it’s so glorious. It’s all part of revival. But the ultimate is, we can even have that, which is an outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

But if we don’t have it touching the family, and changing the family, we haven’t got it! The greatest revival that ever happened was in the time of King Josiah. You just want to go back and read it. It was so powerful. He got rid of every sodomite in the land. Any evil person was wiped out. It was such a total cleansing! You could not even imagine it! Try to imagine it happening in our land. You can hardly imagine it. But that did take place.

And yet, his three children, who were living at that time, teens, who all became future kings, not one of them followed the Lord. Even that revival did not touch the next generation. It must touch the family. It must touch the next generation.

So, as we close, let me read the portion from Luke, which is a repeating of Malachi. Luke 1:17: “And he shall go before Him,” this is talking about John the Baptist, “in the Spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

This is the hour for us to be getting ready, preparing for the Lord, for His coming, which is not going to be like the first coming which was joy to all men! Goodwill and joy to all men! This coming will be joy to the believers, but it’s going to be a dreadful day, a dreadful day of God bringing all evil and evil people in subjection to Him. There will be great wrath poured out.

We’ve got to be ready. We’ve got to get our children ready. Even as it tells us in Revelation, it’s a Bride, preparing herself for her Bridegroom. This is the hour. This is the greatest revival. Let’s be part of it. Amen? Can you pray, Daniel, pray as we end?

Daniel: Fathers, my encouragement is to you. It starts with us, and by God’s grace, let’s do it. Let’s take action.

“Dear Lord, thank You so much for Your Word, and You coming and making Yourself real to us, God. Let’s pray, God, that we all come into Your Kingdom, come into Your Presence, God. Let us all enter Your Presence with joy, and Your gates with thanksgiving, God.

Let us humble ourselves before You, God, as fathers, as families, and work out our salvation with fear and trembling, God. We give You the praise and give You the glory. God. The results are Yours. In Jesus’ Name we pray. Amen.”

Nancy: Amen!

that which You have given us and never let it go. We ask it in Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Links for you to enjoy:

Jeremiah 31:1: “At the same time, saith the LORD, will I be THE GOD OF ALL THE FAMILIES OF ISRAEL, and they shall be my people.”