PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 295: The Words We Speak -- Part 1
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 295
: The Words We Speak -- Part 1
Today, you are enjoying or enduring your marriage according to the words you have been speaking into it. The dynamics of your family life you are experiencing are what you have been speaking into it. What kind of words are you speaking in your home?
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! Always so great to be with you! I’m going to read again today that very, very famous passage in Titus 2. You all know it, but it’s good to read it from time to time.
Titus 2:3-5: “The older women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Well, this passage is very much part of the Word of God. Every word in the Bible is life-breathed, God-breathed, and every word is an eternal word. There is no word that we can just lay aside, and think, “Oh, well, that doesn’t really apply to me.”
The sad thing is, that in our modern society today, there are so many women who don’t like these words very much. In fact, they are so opposite to what is actually happening, even amongst the Christian women of our society today. That’s why we do need to read them again, and to read how it ends, that if the older women are not faithful to teach these things, or the young women don’t even want to hear them, the Bible says that the Word of God will be blasphemed.
Wow! That’s strong language, isn’t it? But it’s Bible language, and sometimes I think, well, why is it such strong language? Why does the Bible say that if we, as women, don’t live this lifestyle, that we’ll blaspheme the Word of God? I believe it is because this is God’s plan for His women, His female creation, which He reveals right at the very beginning, right in the very first book of Genesis, and throughout the Word of God.
As you know, I speak on different aspects of our womanhood, and our mothering, and our homemaking in all these podcasts. I never run out of things to share, because God has given us so much in His Word. But when we refrain from living this lifestyle, when we reject it, when we think, “Oh, well, I know better, but I’ll do what I want,” well, we’re actually blaspheming God’s words.
We’re blaspheming God’s ultimate plan and design, because when we embrace His design, and we live it, well, we’re bringing glory to God. The greatest way you, as a woman, as a mother, can bring glory to God is to embrace who He created you to be as a wife, as a mother, as a homemaker, because this is His plan. Then, if we don’t, we blaspheme!
I’m actually not going to talk about all these different things today, but I wanted to read a couple of quotes. I love to go back and read commentaries on Scriptures that relate to us as women. I was reading the other day The Pulpit Commentaries. It says of theses Scriptures:
“The honor of Christianity is bound up with the faithful discharge of the simple duties of domestic life. In truth, the family is the main test of Christian virtue, as it is the distinctive feature of humanity, as ordained by God.”
Another quote:
“There is nothing more beautiful or saintly in this world than a true mother in Israel. The presiding genius of her family circle, speaking the words of love, softness, and kindness, to all within her reach.”
That’s a beautiful description. That’s what I’d like to talk about today, that last phrase, because we know the Scripture in Proverbs 14:1: “Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
WORDS ARE OUR GREATEST BUILDING TOOLS
I believe that one of our greatest building tools is our words. Our words are so powerful. Dear ladies, the words we speak from day to day, the words that we use in our homes, the words that we speak to our husband, to our children, are how we build our marriage, how we build our family life. As this quote finishes, “Speaking the words of love, softness, and kindness, to all within her reach.” That is a beautiful description.
Today I want to talk about our words. Are you ready for this, ladies? Because I always find, when I come to this subject, I get really convicted. In fact, even as I have been going over some of the words in Scripture about the words that we speak, I’m convicted again. Oh, goodness me! We can go from day to day, think we’re doing great, but then, when we line up with the Scriptures, well, sometimes we don’t line up, do we?
The Scriptures are so wonderful! If we didn’t have the Scriptures, we’d just be living our own lives, doing what we wanted. But when we read the Scriptures, they give us God’s picture. They give us God’s standard. We’re either going to live by God’s standards, which is theophany, or we’re going to live by our own standards, which is autonomy. So many times, we just live by our own standards.
Are you going to come with me? We’ll look at some of the Scriptures about our words. This really gets down to the tin tacks. This really gets down to how we are living daily in our lives. It all reveals itself through what comes out of our mouths.
Actually, I found, guess what? I found 40 different descriptions of positive words that God wants us to use. It’s amazing. When I come to share about a subject and I go into the Word, I can never believe how many words I find! God doesn’t leave us in the dark, does He? He gives us so much! I found 40 different descriptions of words that we should be speaking in our homes to describe the kind of words that we speak. Let’s start.
No. 1. SWEET WORDS
I want to take you first to the Song of Solomon. Why I’m doing that is because the Song of Solomon is a picture of the Bride of Christ. We can read the Song of Solomon in three different ways, actually. You can read it as a literal book, the Song between the husband and the wife.
You can read it as something that can speak to you as a wife towards your husband, and your husband towards you.
We can also read it as a description of Christ and His Bride.
It is also descriptive of God and His Bride Israel, because He also looks upon Israel as His Bride.
We can read it in many ways as we can all the Scriptures. We can read the Scriptures. We can read them on the surface, and they speak to us. Or we can go into a greater depth and understanding. There is always more and more.
In the Song of Solomon it does talk about our words. We go to Song 2:14. Here it is the Bridegroom, it is Christ, speaking. Or, if you want to read it as the husband speaking to you. “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see your countenance, let me hear your voice; for sweet is your voice, and your countenance is comely.”
That word “comely,” in the King James version, is a word that means “beautiful.” Today the word “comely” doesn’t have such a great meaning. It means more homely, but the word is actually “beautiful.” Here we see the desire of Christ, our Bridegroom, how He longs to see our countenance. He longs for us to come into His presence. He longs to see our faces. He longs to hear our voices. He says: “Your voice is sweet.” Oh, wow! What an amazing description!
But, of course, dear ladies, it is easy, isn’t it, to be sweet to the Lord. Maybe you’re having your quiet time with the Lord, and you wake up in the morning, and you get your Bible. You’re going to have your time with the Lord, and you sit there. You read the Word, and it speaks to your heart.
Oh, your spirit is burning within you, and you talk to the Lord, and you commune with Him. You’re feeling so great! You’re speaking these beautiful words of worship, and love, and sweetness to the Lord for all that He is to you—your Savior, your Redeemer, your Friend, your Rock, your Fortress. He is all you need.
But isn’t it true, ladies? You can be so sweet in the presence of the Lord. Then it’s time to get breakfast for the family! And the children are coming out, and some are screaming, and others are arguing, and everything’s happening at once! You’re trying to get breakfast, and it’s just bedlam! And all of a sudden, you’re yelling and screaming! Help!
Only a few minutes before you were all so saintly and holy and sweet in the presence of the Lord. That can happen, can’t it? Because life is real, and yes, when we have all our little ones around us, motherhood is a challenge. But, of course, in the midst of this challenge, we can learn also to know the presence of the Lord.
Not just when we’re sitting all on our own with the Lord, but even in the midst of all that’s happening, and all the yelling, and everyone wanting you at once, that’s where we can learn to know His presence, even in these times. And how we can learn to speak sweetly, even in these times. Wow! Do you think you can do that? This is where the challenge is, isn’t it?
Let’s go to another Scripture in the Song of Solomon. Let’s have a look at this one. Here, the Bridegroom is speaking again. Song of Solomon 4:3: “Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is beautiful.” If we’re reading it as a husband-and-wife relationship, can your husband say that to you? “Oh, my darling, your words are so beautiful!” Wow! That’s a real challenge, isn’t it?
Then we go down to verse 11 of this chapter. Here the Bridegroom is speaking again: “Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.” Here our heavenly Bridegroom is likening our communion with Him, and our worship with Him as the sweet dripping words.
But this should also be our relationship with our husband, so that when we’re speaking to him, we are dripping sweet words. Because what does it say? “Your lips drop like the honeycomb.” What drips out of the honeycomb? Honey, of course! And what does honey taste like, ladies? Honey tastes sweet. It's really sweet. That’s the picture of the kind of words that we should be speaking to our husbands each day.
Are you speaking sweet words? Wow! Sometimes we don’t speak sweet words. But this is what we need to get into the habit of. “Honey and milk are under thy tongue.” That means that sweetness and nourishment is coming out from under our tongues. Oh, I think you may like to go back and read those Scriptures again. They’re not there just for pretty words. They are there to give us a picture of not only the relationship with our heavenly Bridegroom, but the relationship we are to have with our husband.
Yes, our husbands on earth, where everything is also not so perfect, and they may not always say the right thing to us. Or they may even hurt us, or you’re feeling like you’re getting rubbed up the wrong way. But what is going to come out of your mouth? I can remember. I think, over the years, I have learned to speak this way more with my husband.
I have to confess I didn’t always start this way. I remember when I’d start to get up on my high horse, and my husband would say to me, “Nancy, you’ve got to speak sweet words to me!” Then, of course, what could I do? Help! I had to speak sweet words. That’s what he expected of me! That’s what he wanted from me. Can I encourage you, dear ladies? You might think, “Oh, this sounds all sloppy!” No! It is Bible, and it is beautiful, and it’s what your husband longs for. He longs for sweet words from you.
And what about your children? Not only do we determine the kind of marriage we’ll have by the words that we speak, but we’re molding our children’s lives by the words that we speak. Are we speaking to them harshly, critically, sharply? Or are you speaking sweet words? Oh, may the Holy Spirit speak to our hearts and remind us that this is how He wants us to be. This is what He wants dripping from our lips—sweet words. Amen?
No. .2. AFFIRMING WORDS
We’re going to go on to some other character traits of our words. I think I’ll now go and put them in alphabetical order. We’ll go to number two: affirming words. I’ll speak about some of them. I won’t speak about everyone, because as I said, I found 40 different characteristics. We’d be here forever if we spoke about them all.
But affirming words are very important words. How wonderful to affirm your children when they do well! So often, we’re always having to correct them because they do so many stupid things. We could be correcting them all day long!
In fact, I remember when I was raising our children. I began to think, “Oh, I’m just telling them not to do this, and do that, da dah, da dah, da dah, all the day long!” I thought, “I’ve got to work it out. I can’t do this. I can’t live like this!” So, I decided I would only correct them for that which was really rebellion, disobedience, and that which was contrary to the Word of God. But just the little things of childishness, knocking over the chair, doing this, jumping around. I would just let them go, because they were children!
You’re either going to be yelling at them all day long, and then they don’t even realize what is most important. I believe it is important that they know what is important, so that when there is rebellion, when there is disobedience, you deal with them for that. They know that they can’t get away with those things. But then, little childish things that they don’t mean to do, I would just let them go.
Then, when they do good things, oh, to affirm them! “Oh, I’m so proud of you!”
“Oh, that was so good!”
“Oh, I’m so blessed that God has given you to me!”
“You’re growing up to be such a fine boy!”
“Oh, I can’t believe you’re so obedient to whatever Mommy says! I’m so blessed!”
You affirm every good thing in their lives. Constantly affirm your children. It is so important! They will grow and blossom with your affirming words. They will cringe and bow down by your negative words to them. Be encouraged to use affirming words.
No. 3. BLESSING WORDS
I wonder if you listened to my podcast number 240, when I spoke about the Shabbat meal. If you didn’t hear that podcast, go back and listen to it.
Every Friday night, in our home, we celebrate the Shabbat meal. It is the most beautiful meal. It’s my favorite meal, my favorite time of every week in our home. It’s a blessing meal. It’s a meal where the husband blesses his wife. He tells her all the wonderful things he thinks about her. It’s also where he, as the father, blesses personally each one of his children.
It’s a very important meal. Every week, the wife in the home is blessed. Of course, she blesses her husband. Every week, the children are blessed. Oh, you’ve got to listen to the podcast! You will be so encouraged about that. Of course, you don’t have to wait for just once a week! We need to have that mentality of blessing, so we’re constantly blessing.
I’m sure many of you will, as your children go to bed at night, you will bless them as they’re going off to bed. You can’t bless your children enough! The Bible says there was a time in the Old Testament where it was the priest who did the blessing. But now, Revelation tells us that we are all kings and priests unto our God. You are a priest, and therefore you have a responsibility to bless people.
But you start with your husband and start with your children. If you can’t bless them, well, there’s not much use blessing other people! But if you start in your home, then it becomes a lifestyle, to bless others.
In fact, blessing is a wonderful key when we face things in life, when people speak against us, when they gossip about us, when they say hurtful things about us. When that happens, you don’t feel too happy, do you? I have to confess you don’t usually feel like blessing that person. But that is what the Bible says! That when people curse you, when they say things about you, when they even tell lies about you, what does the Bible say? To bless them!
It tells us this in 1 Peter 3:9 and also in Matthew 5:44 to bless them. Have you ever tried that? It really works. God’s ways work. When you bless those who have spoken against you, or reviled you, or even persecuted you, it not only releases you from being bitter towards them, but it will release them! It has the power to do such wonderful things. So, be a blessing person! Amen?
No. 4. BEAUTIFUL WORDS
No. 5. CHEERFUL WORDS
Cheerful words come from a merry heart. It’s hard to have cheerful words if your heart is not merry.
Proverbs 15:13: “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance,” (and also helps us to say cheerful words) “But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”
Proverbs 17:22: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
There’s an interesting passage in 1 Kings 1. In verse 40, it tells us something incredibly amazing. This was when they were crowning Solomon to be king, and all the people were rejoicing. It says: “And all the people came up after him. The people piped with pipes and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth split with the sound of them.”
Have you ever heard of such a thing in earth? In the King James it says: “And the earth rent.” If you look it up in the Hebrew, it means, “to split apart.” Wow! It was like an earthquake! Can you believe it? The sound was so powerful that it actually split the earth!
Well, that is actually the same word for a merry heart! Wow! That’s a wonderful thing to have in your home, isn’t it? That will cause you to say cheerful words. How your husband loves to hear cheerful words! Oh, he doesn’t really want to be around a negative, complaining, groaning, sad wife. Help! Nobody wants to be around us when we’re like that! Cheerfulness draws people to you.
No. 6. COMFORTING WORDS
No. 7. DELIGHTFUL WORDS
No. 8. ENCOURAGING WORDS
Oh yes, how important it is to be constantly encouraging, to make encouraging words a habit of your life! It’s sad that there are many, many people who have grown up without encouraging words. They weren’t encouraged by their parents. Therefore, it’s quite a new thing for them to learn to encourage their own children, to encourage their husband, to encourage others.
I was very blessed to be brought up in an encouraging home. My father especially, was a very encouraging man. He constantly encouraged. In fact, he encouraged me beyond what I knew I was worthy of. I think his encouragement did wonders for my life. Sometimes I look back on my childhood. I don’t think there was much to encourage there. Yet, he saw stuff that maybe nobody else saw, that only God saw. He encouraged me.
I know there is so much in life I’m even doing now that I would not be doing without his encouragement. He lifted me up to beyond where I even believed that I ever could be. That’s what encouragement does. It lifts people up to a higher plane. I believe encouragement is so important. It has to become part of our lives, dear wives and mothers, if you really want to build strong marriages and a strong family life, starting with your husband. Do you really encourage him?
You know, as the years go by in your marriage, you can get so used to one another. Sometimes faults and little things that you never saw when you fell in love, you begin to see. You get discouraged, and you no longer see this man as you once saw him. You’re no longer encouraging. Because you’re no longer encouraging, he’s getting more and more down in the dumps.
We have to lift one another up. I think it’s a very important thing to try to think of at least one encouraging thing that you can say to your husband every day, and to each of your children. Sometimes you’ve got to do something to check out whether you’re really doing it. It’s easy . . . the days go by . . . weeks go by . . . if you stop and analyze, you think, “Oh, Have I been encouraging my husband lately? Well, you can’t even think when you last encouraged him!
Here’s a little idea. You can get a little notebook, and you can write the days. Then you can write underneath your husband’s name, and then the names of each of your children. At the end of the day, just do your checklist. “Did I encourage my husband today? Wow! Help, I don’t think I did!” Well, better start thinking about what you’re going to say to him tomorrow, because you don’t want to miss out again on another day.
Each of your children. . . “Yes, Suzy, oh yes, I did encourage her. Actually, she’s so easy to encourage. But Johnny! Oh, help! Oh God, what can I encourage him about? Oh, goodness me!” And ask the Lord to help you, Ask Him to show you. Often the one who’s most difficult to encourage is the one who needs encouraging the most!
Do your checklist. Check each one, and put a cross if you didn’t do it. And keep checking out every night until you’re getting ticks for every name in your family! And until it becomes a habit of your life. Amen?
I believe that encouragement is the rich soil in which
we grow our children to their full destiny.
Here's some Scriptures. Proverbs 10:21, New Living Translation: “The words of the godly encourage many.”
Proverbs 12:25: “Heaviness in the heart of a man maketh it stoop; but a good word maketh it glad.”
I love The Living Bible Translation of this Scripture: “A word of encouragement does wonders.”
Did you get that? I’ll say it again. “A word of encouragement DOES WONDERS.” Do you literally need some wonders or some miracles in your marriage? Well, let me tell you. Encouragement does wonders! Yes! It does miracles! If you’ve just been saying negative things about your husband, maybe even to others, or to him, these negative words are going to cause your husband to curl up in a ball, and not be in any way attentive to you. He’s going to get more and more inattentive.
Just start encouraging. Ask the Lord, “What can I say to encourage him?” Think of some good thing and say it! If you can’t even get enough courage to say it, write it, and put it in a little special place where he will see it. Maybe put it in his sock so he'll find it when he’s putting his sock on. Think of something different. Think of some unique way but get the message to him.
You may not find he’ll change with one word but keep doing it. Just keep encouraging, and you will find that miracles will begin to happen. It works because the Scripture is true. The same happens with your children. You will see wonders happen.
1 Thessalonians 5:11: “So encourage each other, and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” You’re doing it? Just keep doing it more! OK?
Hebrews 3:13: “Exhort thus to encourage one another once a month.” Oops! Sorry! No, it didn’t say “once a month.” “Encourage one another once a week.” No! It didn’t even say that! What does it say? “Encourage one another daily.”
Did you get that, ladies? Daily. It has to become a daily thing. That’s why it’s great to have that little checklist and check yourself every night to see if this is becoming a daily thing with your husband, and with your children. You can gradually work it up, until it is something that happens daily in your life.
No. 9. EDIFYING WORDS
Edifying words mean building words. Edifying means “to build up.”
Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
If what you’re going to say is not going to build up your husband, it’s not going to build up your children, it’s not going to build up those you’re talking with, well, don’t say it! Unless it’s going to edify, unless it’s going to build up, it’s not worth saying, because this is how you build your family: with your words.
No. 10. FORGIVING WORDS
Oh, these are so powerful, aren’t they?
Matthew 18:35: “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.”
Ephesians 4:32: “Be ye kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake, hath forgiven you.”
Every one of us has experienced things in our lives where we need to forgive. People have done things against us. People have said things against us. But we dare not hold any bitterness. Dear precious ladies, oh, if there’s even the slightest bit of bitterness in your heart, root it out, throw it out, cast it out! Forgive, because bitterness destroys you. I have seen bitterness destroy people, even cause them to die early. Bitterness is so destructive.
God knows what is so good for us, what is so healing. Forgiveness is healing. You never feel like doing it. You don’t do it because of your feelings. You do it by faith. You do it because God has told us to do it. Amen? You forgive your husband. You forgive whoever it is who has hurt you. There’s such power in forgiveness.
No. 11. FORTIFYING WORDS
No. 12. GRATEFUL WORDS
Always being grateful.
No. 13. GRACIOUS WORDS
In Luke 4:22, speaking about Jesus, it says: “And all bare Him witness, and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of His mouth.”
Colossians 4:6: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how you ought to answer every man.” That word “gracious” is the Greek word charis.
Actually, that is the second name that we called our daughter Serene. Her name is Serene Charis. It means “gracious.” It actually means “to give joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, loveliness, graciousness.” This is what our speech is to be like.
No. 14. GENTLE WORDS
Proverbs 15:4, New Living Translation: “Gentle words are a tree of life.”
Proverbs 15:4, the Amplified: “A gentle tongue, with its healing power, is a tree of life.”
No. 15: HAPPY WORDS
Well, I see that I’m already coming to the end of this session, so, ladies, we’ll do another session to finish them off, because there’s more yet. I pray that, as I’ve been sharing these words, your heart will be touched.
I am convicted again by all these words. It’s so good, isn’t it, to keep our lives up to scratch, keep them aligned with the Word of God. Dear precious, lovely ladies, remember, it’s your words—
It’s your words that make or break your marriage.
It’s your words that build up or destroy your home.
“Dear Father, I pray for every wife and mother and daughter listening. I pray that You will fill them with Your Holy Spirit. I pray that You will give them grace to speak all these beautiful words, Lord, these sweet words, these gracious words, oh, God, all these beautiful words we’ve been speaking about today, I pray that their homes will be filled with these words, Lord God. In the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
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Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
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More Scriptures about BLESSING
Proverbs 20:22; Romans 12:14, 17; and 1 Corinthians 4:12.
More Scriptures about FORGIVING
Matthew 6:12-15; 18:21-35; Mark 11:25, 26; Luke 23:34; Romans 12:19-21; and Colossians 3:13.