PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 173: LOSING A CHILD TO CANCER
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 173 – LOSING A CHILD TO CANCER
Today you will meet Shavona Shaw, married to one of the Imperials (Southern Gospel Quartet). Shavona tells the story of how their little two-year-old son was suddenly taken from them by cancer, and how God has enabled them to walk through this grieving trial with hope and victory.
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, LIFE TO THE FULL, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies. Today is going to be a special day. I have another beautiful mother with me today. Her name is Shavona, Shavona Shaw. Can you say “Hi” to the ladies, Shavona?
Shavona: Hi, ladies.
Nancy: Here she is. Well, Shavona has a very special story to tell you. But first of all, we’ll introduce her. Shavona is married to Will. Will belongs to THE IMPERIALS, so if you love SOUTHERN GOSPEL, you’ll be familiar with THE IMPERIALS, that amazing quartet. He has been with them for three years. He used to be with Southern Sounds, so he’s a southern gospel singer, with the most beautiful voice.
We met the Shaws at our Above Rubies Retreat in Panama. In fact, this last August, we had a reunion for all the families who were at the April Panama retreat. It’s such a special retreat, and just getting more popular every year.
Next year coming up, 2022, the dates for our Panama retreat will be April 20th to the 27th. So, if you would like to come, you need to check out the website AboveRubies.org, and book in now, because I think it’s just about filled up, or filling up so quickly. You’ll need to get in quick. It’s such a special time.
But at our reunion, oh, it was so beautiful, so special. It was a time, actually, because the families wanted to get together again. So many of them came, just to hang out and yet, every day there was something organized, wasn’t there? It was so incredible. We had a couple of lovely, amazing ladies’ meetings where all the mothers got together. It was so incredible.
On one of those days, we were celebrating your birthday!
Shavona: Yes, it was my 41st birthday, and my 23rd wedding anniversary, the same day.
Nancy: Yes, well, we did something that morning that we love to do in our family. Every time we have a birthday celebration, we always have speeches. We did this when our children were growing up and now they do it with their children. Then we just passed it on to so many people, so that it’s become something so many of the families that we know do.
So, that morning, we asked everybody to say something to Shavona. I was amazed. Can you keep a hat on your head? [laughter] After all the things they said to you? And you most probably didn’t know, but I was writing down some of the things that people said to you. I’m always writing things down. I wrote these things down.
I thought, “Oh my, what a testimony to have of your life,” because here’s a few of the things that people said about Shavona. It wasn’t just one person. So many people said the same thing, that they saw sweetness in your life. They saw the beauty of Jesus, and the peace of God upon you. And that you were just gorgeous, and the queen of your family.
It just went on and on like that, what these other ladies saw in you. I think that is so amazing, especially when you’re going to hear Shavona’s story. And that they could say that they saw the sweetness of Jesus and the peace of Jesus all over her. You’ll begin to realize how precious that is when you hear the story.
But we haven’t quite got onto it yet. So, we’ll talk about your family for a little bit. The Lord has blessed you with nine children. You have William, who is the oldest, and he’s already married! Isn’t that amazing? Yes, married, and this was a young marriage. Tell us about it.
Shavona: They met at an Above Rubies Retreat three years ago. Just little teenagers themselves. He was 18, and she was 16. They immediately hit it off. One of the things you say is for the young people to get to meet each other. They did, and I knew, leaving. I told him, “William, wait a few days before you text her. Don’t be bothering her.”
He was like, “Oh, Mom, we’re already texting!” I knew then. I was like, “She’s the one! I know she’s the one!” I could just tell. So, they will be married a year this coming up November.
Nancy: So, she married on her 18th birthday.
Shavona: Just a few days after her 18th birthday. Yeah, we’re keeping it young.
Nancy: Well, that is so beautiful. It shouldn’t be unusual to see these lovely young marriages, because they’re biblical. When we read in the Word, we read about “the wife of your youth.” We read the Scripture, “the husband of your youth.” We read about “the children of your youth.” And that’s Bible language.
When we go to the Hebrew, we see that the word for “youth” literally means “juvenile.” it’s teenage years. So that was when they married back in biblical times. But they were ready for marriage because they were prepared for it. They were prepared to take on responsibility of providing. They were prepared to be ready to embrace children.
So, it’s not just the age of the person. It’s the maturity and the preparedness that they have. I know young people who are in their 20’s, mid-20's, maybe late 20’s, and they still are not ready to take on responsibility. I think, maybe, because they haven’t been taught it. We are not taught it in the church. When do you hear messages about getting married and preparing for marriage, when this was normal lifestyle back in Bible days?
It is so beautiful. Of course, you know how I love to see young couples meet at our Above Rubies Retreats. Oh, Colin and I met at a family retreat. We think it’s a great place to meet. When you meet kindred spirits, and there you are, both families are there. Both are kindred spirits. You know, it’s just so beautiful, isn’t it?
Oh, I’m trusting for many, many more beautiful, romances to happen as we have these wonderful family retreats. I think it’s so wonderful. Then you have a bit of the same testimony, don’t you? When did you meet Will?
Shavona: I was 14, and he was 16, in the youth group. I was staying with some friends. I went home that night, and I said, “I’m going to marry him!” My 18th birthday is when I got married.
Nancy: Isn’t that amazing? And now, another beautiful young marriage. Now, they have the fruit of such a beautiful family life. All the lovely children God has given them. They have, oh well, you can tell us.
Shavona: So, we have William, who’s 21. His wife, Olivia, is 18. Calvin is 19. Tristan is 16. Our only daughter, Mary Taylor, is 14. Then we have Malachi, who’s 12. Josiah, 10. Then we have Wyatt, who is 8, Jedidiah who is 6, and then Ethan, at two.
Nancy: We’re actually going to let Shavona tell the story about Ethan today, their ninth precious little baby. I’m sure, oh goodness me, when a little baby comes into a big family, it’s unbelievable, isn’t it? They have so many mothers and fathers and people wanting to hold them. Such a loved, loved child. Then he was just perfect for most of his time, wasn’t he? Until one day, what happened?
Shavona: Well, we had just got back from a trip to New York. We noticed that he was walking a little bit dizzy acting. I thought, “Oh, he must have an earache.” So, I made an appointment to go the doctor because I thought, “It’s not getting better on its own with natural remedies.” Went into the doctor on March 19, just a couple months after his second birthday.
She looked at him and said, “He doesn’t have an earache.” I thought, “Well, I think she’s wrong,” because he has to. What else would be causing him to be dizzy? She said, “I’d like for him to see a neurologist.” That’s when your heart sinks. It was like, “Whoa. Why so extreme? Why can’t we just try antibiotics or something first?”
She said, “It may be a few weeks to a month before we can get an appointment.” I said, “OK.” Well, we left and went on about our day. A few hours later, she called and said, “There’s this neurologist that has an appointment for tomorrow. I’d like for Ethan to go in and be seen.”
So, I said, “OK, we’ll do this.” Got in, the neurologist looked him over, let him walk, and said, “I want to do an MRI.” This was happening so fast. You’re like, “What? Why?” They did an MRI. We were at Centennial Hospital at Nashville. The MRI came back that he had a four-centimeter tumor on the back of his brain.
Nancy: What was that word again?
Shavona: He had a four-centimeter tumor that they thought was already cancerous.
Nancy: Wow. That would have been so hard to take, so suddenly!
Shavona: Well, that’s right when covid was starting. So, my husband was not even allowed to be there at the appointment with me. I had my daughter, because I thought, “She’s 14. She’s going to go in with me to this appointment really quick, and we’d be back home.”
The results came back. They did the MRI and said that they wanted to do surgery the next morning. I had to call my husband on FaceTime, and he heard over FaceTime that our son had a tumor. So, they allowed him to come up to the hospital. We were being transferred to Vanderbilt. They did surgery the next morning at 9 AM.
Nancy: So, that surgery, how did that go?
Shavona: The doctors did surgery and said it went well. That the tumor came out easily. They were afraid that it was going to be tied into the nervous system. But he said it came out easily, and we were like, “OK, God, thank You! This is great! We’re good to go now.” We had to stay in the hospital for a week because he had the drain tube in. It was brain surgery. It’s a major surgery.
Nancy: So, now that you are in hospital with little Ethan, was any, your husband allowed to come and be with him?
Shavona: They did make an exception and let him stay with us. We were one of the very few that were allowed to do that. But I think they knew it was pretty serious. We were still in denial, I guess, not thinking that it was as bad as it was. So, yeah, he was with me.
Nancy: Oh, that’s so good, because so many faced family members dying without anyone there with them. That was such a terrible time. So, what happened next?
Shavona: After that, they said he would need to go on chemo, a very strong chemo. Matter of fact, not just one, but five of them. They were going to be very hard on his body. As the testing came back, we were waiting on the results. It came back as a cancer called medulloblastoma, which still needed the high-grade chemo.
But we found a doctor that was going to treat us in Texas. We loaded up our RV and took off there. He had good results with treating medulloblastoma. I talked to survivors that had it when they were little and went on his chemo medicine or whatever. They’re grown and doing good and got children and their children are healthy. So, that’s what we did. We took off and went there.
Nancy: So, you were encouraged by that, and believing for the best.
Shavona: Yes, absolutely. We had to have a port put in. There were tons of testing. In between there, they did say, when they did the first MRI, that they thought they saw something in the spine, like a little spot. A little spot, but they wanted to check again.
We had another MRI done in between all of this. It came back that it was in the spine, that it had dropped down. There were also . . .
Nancy: How do these things “drop down”?
Shavona: It’s the way the cancer goes. It starts up in the brain and goes down through the spine and grows there. While all this is going on, while he’s on medicine, and we’re traveling back and forth to Texas, he’s healing, and he’s looking good. His surgery site had healed up.
His right side was a little off from the surgery. When they do something like that, they talked about issues. But through physical therapy and stuff, he was doing better and starting to walk again. We would post videos of him pushing the little walker and using his right arm again. We were really hopeful and believing, “OK, he’s getting better. This is doing good.”
And then we got a call that they had continued testing on his biopsy, and it actually wasn’t medulloblastoma like they thought it was in the beginning. But it was one called ECMR, which is actually a very aggressive brain cancer. There are no survivors of this one.
So, he was diagnosed to be terminal at that point. It was the worst news you can get.
Nancy: Oooh, it would be so . . . You just expect them to get better, don’t you? And to receive that, oh, goodness. How did you cope at that time?
Shavona: Well, the only thing we could do was rely on Jesus. We knew that it was not going to be medicine that helped him. The results were showing that the medicine he was on was not helping in any way.
Nancy: So, did they take him off everything?
Shavona: Yes. At that point, it was only making it harder for him to be attached to medicines and ports and all this stuff. So yeah, we took him off everything and went home. They started talking hospice. We just prayed and asked the Lord.
We did a YouTube video, and a Facebook, and all these, just asking other people to pray with us. We had thousands. We thought, “Lord, just be with us. Help heal him.” We just held onto hope. That’s all you can do when you’re going through something like this.
Other people were worried for me, and thinking, “Is she going to make it? Because what if God doesn’t heal her son?” You can’t listen to stuff like that. Even in the midst of it, you must hold onto hope. You can’t walk through life defeated already.
We said, “No matter what Lord, we’re going to praise You, we’re going to still trust You. But we’re asking that You heal our son.”
Nancy: Yes. Amen. I believe that is exactly the attitude you must have. I think our responsibility is to have hope, to have faith, to trust God, right to the very bitter end and beyond. But it’s God’s responsibility, His sovereign will, what He does.
But we can’t go in despair. We have to always live in faith. It’s the only way, isn’t it, to get through. It’s like those three men in the fire. You know, they said, “OK, we believe that God will deliver us. But even if He does not, we will not bow.” Yes, the Lord must have given you strength for that.
Shavona: Definitely. We were constantly in prayer. But sadly, Ethan did pass on June 11th. It was 11 weeks from finding out that he had cancer.
Nancy: Wow. Was he, could you communicate with him right up to the end?
Shavona: Basically, yes. It happened so fast. Usually, you have months and months of people, when they’re going through cancer, of slowing down on things. But his was literally just a few days. He was communicating. I have pictures of him sitting up on Sunday, drawing his pictures. We had a good time with him. He slept a lot, but he was still, he was not hurting. So, we’re very thankful for that.
But on Thursday, he went to be with Jesus, just a few days later. He just went to sleep.
Nancy: He didn’t wake up.
Shavona: No. He started having seizures.
Nancy: Oh, my. OK, that was the next step. How did the Lord get you through this?
Shavona: Well, after that, I’m not going to lie and say that it was easy to just get back into church and sing Christian music and praise and worship. It was really hard. There was a lot of songs that we had just clung to and were believing for a miracle.
Then it was actually a testing of our faith. Do we believe that God is real? Do we believe that the Bible is real? Satan was attacking us at every angle, saying it’s something we did in our past that caused our child to have cancer. We were like, “No, Jesus talked about that. And that’s not what it is.” But Satan is really good to attack you at every angle.
Nancy: At the most vulnerable time, yes.
Shavona: When you’re weak and having to rely on the Lord, the only thing you can do is renew yourself in His Word. That’s where we were, just clinging on to Jesus and His Word. We renewed ourselves, and we read the Scriptures.
I still say, a year and a few months later, I wake up every morning, and I say, “Lord, please give me strength,” because it still hurts. It’s probably a hurt I’ll have the rest of my life. That’s something people don’t realize, talking to someone who’s lost a child, or even a close family member.
We have those human attachments. We love them. And so, there’s always pain, but we have to walk in strength. We have to renew ourselves and not give up, not let Satan win. That's what he wants to do. He wants to defeat us and kill and destroy. When we realize that it’s not our fight, that it’s Jesus’ fight, and that He wins this fight, it makes it a little easier.
It renews your hope, in knowing that we’re not left without hope. We have heaven. I am going to get to see Ethan again. Our whole family is going to get to see him, and everybody that’s listening that goes to Heaven with us, is going to get to see him. So many of our other loved ones. That’s made possible because Jesus died for us.
It really has strengthened my faith so much more. It’s made me . . . When I was a teenager, I don’t know how many times I rededicated my life or got saved. I’ve got a teen girl, she’s not my daughter, but she’s getting baptized for her third time, and she’s only like 16.
You know, you feel like you’re constantly asking a lot from Jesus, but He gives it freely. Now, looking back, it means so much more now than it ever did when I was a teenager, just going back and forth, to and fro. I mean, the Bible is true. It’s amazing. I’m so thankful that He’s preparing a place for us.
Nancy: Yes, oh yes. It’s lovely to hear how you’re finding each day you still have to come to the Lord for His strength and His comfort. Because it doesn’t suddenly go away, does it? It’s like when you have a loved one taken from you. It’s like it’s ripped out of your very heart. You must grieve. I mean, grieving is very important. You’ve got to go through that grieving time.
I guess people go through it in different ways. Some people want to scream and yell. But you have to go through it. In Bible times, they didn’t grieve for a day. They grieved, they had great mourning times. That grief was never quite taken away, but God, as we grieve . . .
I think there’s two ways you can grieve. One is to grieve in despair, or to grieve as you’ve been talking about, Shavona, to grieve in hope. You see, we can grieve in hope. Yes, we grieve the loss, but we grieve in hope. We allow God to comfort us. You can also go through grieving and let it be pushing God out. Because “OK, I just want to go through all this because I'm still grieving.”
Or we can let God come in and comfort. Yes, and I can see that you’ve done that, because we get back to that morning when all the ladies were there, and saying how they saw the joy of Jesus, and His peace, and His sweetness on your face.
I mean, you are coming out of this trial without the smell of fire upon you. Like when those three men came out of the fire, the Bible says there wasn’t even the smell of fire upon them. I mean, some people come through trials, and wow, the smell is still there. They’re still hurting. Of course, you’re still hurting, but they’re hurting in despair and bitterness.
Or you can still feel that terrible ache, but your hope is strong in Jesus. Yes. And that’s when you come forth without the smell upon you.
What about the children? How did they go through, Shavona?
Shavona: They’re doing a lot better. Here we’re talking about grieving, and the first Scripture we went to was Job. You look at how they grieve in the Bible. They would tear their clothes and wear ashes. I thought, “I remember reading that when I was younger, thinking, wow, that’s a bit extreme.” But then, you don’t realize it until you walk through it. I can totally see how I could end up doing something like that with the grief.
But the children are doing a lot better. They're still really sad some days. There’s just a lot of memories. We do stuff together as a family, and the children will say, “Ethan would like this.” Or “Ethan would like that.” I’m like, “I guess he would.”
We go into Walmart, and my six-year-old goes, “Oh, that’s an outfit that Ethan would like to wear.” I said, “Yes, but he doesn’t need clothes. He’s good in heaven.” We just talk about him like he’s still with us because his spirit is alive.
I had to go to a friend right after Ethan passed, because I knew I was going to need help from somebody who has been through something like this. I have a friend, an older lady, and years ago, she lost six of her children in a car explosion. Her baby was just six weeks old.
I had to go to her, and I was like, “How do I get through this?” I mean, I know what I’m supposed to do. I know I’m supposed to rely on Jesus and the Scriptures, but I’m like, “You’re weak,” and I needed her help.
She told me the one thing that really helped her was to not feel like it’s all on us. Like God is forsaking us, or not to feel self-pity. And I thought, at first, I was like, “How can I not feel self-pity? This is me, and it doesn’t happen to everybody.” But then you look back, and I let that strengthen myself.
I went to Jesus, and I was like, “I can’t put You back up on that cross and keep feeling sorry for myself every single day.” Because that’s kind of what you do, you feel sorry for yourself. But the Scriptures have helped so much, just renewed my faith.
I work with teen girls now, in our church group. I just want to tell them about Jesus. And I'm like, “Satan, you have taken so much from me. And I am going to steal back from you. I am going to help win souls for Jesus.”
And that’s what we’ve got to turn our anger and our grief into, is working for the Lord, and being His disciple. I am on a mission now. If anything, Satan thought he was going to destroy me, and while it hurts, he’s not destroyed me though.
Nancy: Amen! Oh, and that dear friend of yours, she obviously is one who also came through eventually without the smell upon her. Wow, what a . . . Oh, goodness me, how could someone lose six children at once? That’s just beyond it, isn’t it?
But I love your sharing of how Ethan is still part of you all and the children talk about him. That is so healthy. So healthy. I think sometimes it happens in families and they try to not talk about it. But no, it’s so healthy, isn’t it, to talk about him, because he is alive!
He is alive, and you know, bringing little Ethan into the world was never, ever, ever a waste. You brought into the world a precious child that will affect your lives and your children forever. But you brought a child in for eternity, who you go to live with for eternity. It’s an eternal thing. It was a powerful thing. It’s so wonderful your children know he's alive and they’re going to enjoy him forever. Oh, what hope we have in Christ! It’s so amazing, isn’t it?
Shavona: Yeah. An old saying is, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Looking back, I would do it a hundred times over again. I mean, we do have eternity with him, and he’s there. So, it’s worth it.
Nancy: Amen! And you would never have missed those two beautiful years with this precious little boy. I mean, oh, it’s so added to your life. I loved this beautiful Scripture in 2 Corinthians. I’m sure it was so comforting to you. I love to read it, just because I know so many of you who are listening, you’ve been through similar heartaches and losses. You’re with Shavona as she’s been sharing.
I want to give you this Scripture. We all need to be reminded.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7: “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercy, and the God of all comfort.” Isn’t that beautiful? He doesn’t only give some comfort, or a little bit of comfort to tide us over. But it’s ALL comfort. I love the Scriptures. ALL COMFORT. Isn’t that amazing?
In fact, I think I should read this. That's King James. I’d love to read it to you from the Passion Translation, because actually, as you read this through, it’s bringing out the true understanding of the Greek words. It says: “All praises belong to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for He is the Father of tender mercy, and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us, to comfort us in every suffering, so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial.”
And I’m reading it from that translation because it’s bringing out that word that is used there for “comfort,” paraklesis, which comes from paraclete, which speaks of the Holy Spirit who comes alongside us, to comfort us. It brings that out here. So that He comes alongside us, to comfort us. Isn’t that beautiful?
And it goes on, “We bring them this same comfort that God has brought about on us. And just as we experience the abundance of Christ’s own sufferings, even more of God’s comfort will cascade upon us through our union with Christ. If troubles weigh us down, that just means that we will receive even more comfort, to pass on to you, for your deliverance. For the comfort pouring into us empowers us to bring comfort to you. And with this comfort upholding you, you can endure victoriously the same suffering that we experience. Now our hope for you is unshakeable, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in God’s comforting strength.” Isn’t that amazing?
Now, I want to count how many times the word “comfort” comes in that little passage. So, let’s go here. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times God uses this word “comfort.” “His endless comfort,” “the God of all comfort,” and then in verse five, where we are to abound, “abounding in comfort.” And that word, ladies, can you believe it, is that word that I’m always telling you about. It’s perisseuo, that word that means “to be super-abounding, abundant, more than is necessary, above and beyond, to exceed.”
Now here this word comes again. We find it right throughout the New Testament. Here we find it in the context of comfort. God’s comfort is even beyond the normal. It’s abundant. It’s super-abounding. So that is available to us. Sometimes we don’t always receive it. We must open our hearts to receive this comfort. As we open our hearts, He will pour in this comfort that He wants to give us. Then we can comfort others. Like I think that’s what you are doing now, you and Will. You’re comforting so many people.
Shavona: That Scripture is amazing. I’m going to have to hang that on my wall and memorize every word. That’s great. Yes, absolutely. That’s what we’ve been called to do. And that’s what you’ve been doing, Nancy. You’ve helped so many people, and I’m thankful for you in my life. I’m sure everybody listening to this is. It’s amazing that you spend your whole life helping others. That’s great.
Nancy: Yes, but I’m just so blessed as I see you now, pouring out your life for others. You proved God’s comfort, and you proved He’s real, and you’re sharing that with others. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us. Let’s pray.
“Father, we thank You that You are faithful. Thank You that You’ve been so faithful to Will and Shavona and their precious children. Thank You that You show forth Your faithfulness each new day.
“Lord God, I think of precious mothers listening, Lord, who’ve been through similar experiences. I pray, Father, that they will also know and experience Your endless. It’s not just for one day, Lord God, because we keep, oh God, sometimes the overwhelmingness and the ache of loss can come over us. But Lord, You come again, because Your comfort is endless. It is abounding.
“We thank You, Father, and I pray that Your comfort will pour out on all those who are aching, Lord, for the loss of loved ones. Bless them and encourage them this day. Lord God, raise them up, Lord, to be comforters of others. I pray in the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.”
Blessings from Nancy Campbell * www.aboverubies.org
Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
FLORIDA FAMILY RETREATS IN 2022 – NEED TO BOOK NOW!
There are two amazing Above Rubies events in the Gulf Coast area in 2022. Go to this website to check out the details and to register: https://aboverubiesgulfcoast.com/
April 2022 Annual Gulf Coast Family Retreat
April 21-24 (Conference Only) or
April 20-27, 2022 (Full Week)
Families have the option of coming for the official conference or you may stay the full week for unofficial and informal hangouts, sharing, prayer and evangelism. We highly recommend coming for the full week as the conference schedule is packed tight with activities (see example schedule). Having a few extra days to relax and enjoy getting to know people is everyone’s favorite part of the week!
Location: https://christiancamp.com/
The 2nd Annual Family Reunion
August 10-17 2022