The following are good points for you to pray as you pray for the future husbands of your daughters. Also, print them off and give them to your daughters. Encourage them to pray over these points and have these values in their hearts as they wait for this special man God has for them. Pass this on to other friends who have daughters too. May you be blessed, Nancy
WHAT QUALITIES SHOULD A GIRL LOOK FOR IN A HUSBAND?
No. 1: A MAN WHO IS COMMITED TO SEXUAL PURITY
Hopefully, he will be a virgin. In the Bible, it speaks of virgins getting married. Sadly, in this fornicating world, there are men who have lived impure lives in the world but have now come to Christ and are truly repentant and walking in holiness. If this is the situation in the man you are looking at, you had better truly know (along with your parents) that he will strongly stand against all fornication. It is imperative you begin your marriage on a holy foundation.
No. 2: A MAN WHO IS FREE FROM PORNOGRAPHY
This is very important for your parents to check out. If he is drawn to pornography, don’t count on a good marriage. He must be totally free from this abomination.
Sometimes a young man may have delved into it in the past, but you must know without a shadow of doubt that he is completely delivered from this evil thing, totally free, and walking in holiness. Pornography is one of the biggest things that destroys marriages.
No. 3: A MAN WHO FEARS THE LORD
In Psalm 112, there’s a wonderful passage about men: “Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord and delights greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon the earth. The generation of the upright shall be blessed.” God promises that your children will be blessed if you marry a man who fears the Lord. If you want to have children who are blessed of the Lord, marry a man who fears the Lord.
No. 4: A MAN WHO LOVES GOD’S WORD
You want a man who not only believes in the Bible but LOVES the Bible—who loves to search it out and study it (Psalm 1:1-3; 112:2; Joshua 1: 8; and 2 Timothy 3:15). If he spends time each day reading God’s word, he will be strong (1 John 2:14). He will be kept from deception.
Ephesians 5:25-26: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word.”
That is a very beautiful thing for a husband to do when he is married, to wash his wife with the Word. It means more than a little wash. It means to bathe her. That means he’s going to read the Word to you, or with you each day. You’ve got to find a guy who will bathe you in God’s word. If you’re looking at a guy who doesn’t even read God’s word, how is he ever going to do that? Find a man who loves God’s Word!
No. 5: A MAN WHO LOVES TO PRAY
Look for a man who will pray with you throughout your marriage. It is so sad that there are many couples who don’t even pray together! I love that Scripture in Matthew 18:19 where it says: “If two of you shall agree on earth, as touching anything, it shall be done by My Father which is in heaven.”
If “two of you.” That Scripture is tailor-made for marriage. It can be any two people who agree but when you have a husband and wife who agree together in prayer it is a powerful thing. Does the guy you are looking at love to go to prayer meetings or would he rather stay away? If he is not interested in going to prayer meetings now, or praying with you each time you meet, don’t expect him to be a man of prayer when you marry him.
No. 6: A MAN WHO IS NOT A WIMP
Sometimes when I have lots of girls around our meal table, I will put out the question: what qualities do you want in a husband? One statement they say frequently is: “I don’t want a wimp!” A girl inherently looks for a man who is a real man, a man of courage, a man she can look up to, a man of strength, a man who will lead her spiritually.
Is he a man who is ready to take headship and lead his wife and family in the ways of God? Read Ephesians 5:22-33.
No. 7: A MAN OF COMMITMENT
Look for a man who you know is committed to marriage and who will stay glued to the marriage through thick and thin.
No.8: A MAN WHO LOVES TO BLESS HIS FAMILY
A wonderful part of our marriage is our Shabbat meal which we enjoy every week. This is a meal where the husband blesses his wife. Then he blesses the children. That is such a beautiful thing. Of course, he doesn’t have to wait until Shabbat. He can constantly bless you. But you need to see this quality in the man you want to spend your life with.
No. 9: A MAN OF STRONG CHARACTER
A man who holds fast to his convictions. He is not swayed by any “Tom, Dick, and Harry” but seeks out what God says and sticks to it.
No. 10: A MAN WHO IS A HARD WORKER, NOT A SHIRKER
Look for a man who knows how to work hard. He doesn’t do things half-heartedly. He gets “stuck in.” He does the job properly. He finishes the job. He doesn’t leave it half done. He knows how to fix things. Look for a guy like that. Never marry a lazy man.
No. 11: A MAN WHO BELIEVES IN PROVIDING FOR HIS FAMILY
It is the responsibility of the man to provide for his wife and the home so the mother can stay in her nest to care for her children (1 Timothy 5:8). Look for a man who has that conviction. If he doesn’t, well, you won’t want to marry that man.
If a young man is not ready to take on the responsibility of embracing and providing for children, he is not ready for marriage. He does not have to have a lot of money when he first gets married, but he must have a job and understand that it is his responsibility to provide for the family.
No. 12: A MAN WHO LOVES CHILDREN
Is the man you are looking at open to embracing all the children that God has for you in your marriage? Does he have a heart for children? Do you notice him picking up babies and little children and carrying them around? It is so important to find this out before you get married.
There are so many mothers who are heartbroken because their husband does not want any more children. That is a very sad thing because God has created the womb to cry out for children. Proverbs 30:15, 16 says there are four things that never say it is enough, that are never satisfied. One is the barren womb. God has put that cry within the womb to long for children. A husband who does not understand this can be very cruel to his wife. He denies the very instinct God has put within her.
No. 13: A MAN WHO WILL NOT COMPROMISE ON ANY LEVEL OF EVIL
He will not watch movies that are slightly tainted or have immorality in them. He will have high standards. It’s not enough to marry a man who says he is a Christian. If he’ll watch anything without being troubled, finish with that guy.
No. 14: A MAN WHO IS ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP OTHERS
He does not always think of himself. It’s so wonderful, isn’t it, to see a young man who doesn’t only think of himself. He sees someone who has a need and spontaneously goes to help them. That’s a good quality to look for.
The other night my husband and I were blessed with 11 beautiful teenage girls around our table and we were talking about this subject. My 11-year-old granddaughter also came and she piped up and said, “Nana, make sure that he doesn’t think he’s a ‘cool dude’.” So true. If he thinks so much of himself that he doesn’t see the needs of others, he’s not good marriage material.
No. 15: A MAN WHO IS COMMITTED TO THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE SAINTS
That means he is a regular attender at church. He doesn’t go sometimes or when he feels like it. Find a young man who is committed to fellowshipping with the people of God because it is a command from God.
Hebrews 10:25: “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is. But so much the more, as you see the day approaching.”
This is a normal habit for a God-fearing person. The Bible talks about Jesus who went into the synagogue on the sabbath day “as was his habit” (Luke 4:16). The family went to the synagogue. It was their habit, so it was still His habit. It should be the habit in a young man’s life so it will continue to be a habit as children come along and you continue to attend church as a family.
No. 16: A MAN WHO BELIEVES IN HOMESCHOOLING
He is willing and has a vision to homeschool the children God gives to you. There was a time years ago when children could go to public school, but no longer. Today it is a place of brainwashing in humanism, progressivism, alternative lifestyles, homosexuality, and transgenderism. It is no place for a child of God.
No. 17: A MAN THAT IS A “ONE-WOMAN” MAN
You don’t want a womanizer. You want a man that is a ONE-WOMAN MAN. Marriage is an exclusive relationship where you “forsake all others.”
No. 18: A MAN WHO HONORS HIS PARENTS
How a young man treats his mother will be how he treats his wife. Do you see him respecting his parents? Do you see him respecting his sisters? Is he a man who respects and protects women?
No. 19: A MAN WHO LOVES HOSPITALITY
It would be pitiful to be married to a man who is stingy and who does not want anyone to come to your home and join your table for meals. Look for a man who loves people and is open to hospitality (1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:8). Hospitality is the lifestyle of the early church. It is the heart of God (Acts 2:46; Romans 12:13; and 1 Peter 4:8
No. 20: A MAN WHO IS HUMBLE AND TEACHABLE
Along the road of life and during your marriage you will face many challenges and many lessons. We are all learning along the way, until the very end. A man who has a proud heart and will not listen to reproof can cause heartache in a marriage. Look for a man who is teachable, willing to learn, and who is open to receive reproof. The word reproof occurs 90 times in the Bible. Here are just a few examples: Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 1:8; 9:8, 9; 10:17; 12:1; 13:1, 18; 15:10, 31; 17:10; 21:11b; and Revelation 3:19.
David was a “man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22). He certainly wasn’t perfect, but God saw his heart and loved him. Look for a young man who has a heart after God.
And please, never marry a man who has a problem with anger. That is a No No! If he does not know how to control his temper, run from him.
No. 21: A MAN WHO IS FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT OF GOD
Is he open to the anointing and power of the Holy Spirit? Does he long for revival?
OF COURSE, YOU WILL LOOK FOR A MAN WITH WHOM YOU WILL “FALL IN LOVE”
Of course, above all these qualities, you will “fall in love.” Yes, I believe in falling in love. I believe that God is interested and very involved in bringing couples together. He puts a spark in you and that other person that draws you together. A man could have all the above qualities and yet you are not attracted to him. But there will be a certain man that God ignites you to. It is one of the most exciting things in life. And God is in it.
However, if this young man does not have the above qualities, steel yourself and do not let your heart become involved. You need that spark of love, but marriage will not survive on a spark of love. It needs commitment. And to be committed you need sterling qualities to be committed to.
A godly marriage is the most beautiful thing on earth;
a miserable marriage is the worst thing to endure.
May God bring this wonderful and godly man to you. Amen and amen.
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
P.S. You cannot expect to find a young man fully developed and perfected in all the above points, but you will see the seeds of them in him. Look for the potential of these qualities.
And now I am preparing an article for the guys about what to look for in a wife.